Re: Confused on next steps.
Thank you everyone for the replies.
The MC did ask about another guy and she said that there was no one else, she said for once in her life she wants to be selfish. She wants to focus on herself. She has always had some guy in her life right after the next. I have as well. This is the first time that both of us have been without a significant other since we were teenagers.
Now that being said she said to me the last day that we talked about "us", that some friend of a friend told her that he wanted to date her when all of this was done. She point blank told me he was interesting. That hurt so bad to hear. She said that she wants to be truthful and tell me everything. I thought that was a very hurtful thing to say to someone going through what I am going through.
Someone said I didn't say much about our life above so it is. My wife and I since we got married have both been very busy at work. She just got promoted at her job as did I. We bought a new house a year after being married and had to paint it and buy new furniture. We went from debt free to now having a huge mortgage payment, 2 new car payments, and furniture payments. We used to do a lot of fun stuff and go out to eat but now because of the added debt we wanted to start paying it off as soon as possible, so we stopped doing those fun things as much as we both would like. I started to do more sidejobs. She started to work 6 days a week sometimes. I wish I would have paid more attention to her for the last year than trying to look into the future to paying off debt. We never really fight at all. We did get it a huge fight 6 months before she left me and we started to work on it. She wrote me a card back in August telling me that she was happy again and that we could get through this. A week before she left me, she went on a business trip with her co-workers (all girls) and she said she would call me in a few minutes and she didn't call me back for 6 hours and when she did I was hurt and *****ed at her. No idea why I did that, When she got back I apologized about it. I really think that is what drove her to wanting the divorce. She has said occasionally that she wants the divorce to happen immediately so that she can move on and focus on herself than worrying about this situation. I do not want the divorce right now as it has only been a month!
The reason I keep talking to her is that, I feel like if I don't, that the longer this goes on, the longer she will move on. Right now I have a chance to go to a new MC with her and hopefully sort out our issues and be able to hang out again. But since everyone thinks I should wait for her to make the next move makes me afraid that maybe that "guy she thinks is interesting" will step in and make her happy.
I also have been talking to a different MC by myself and he was telling me to keep contact every once in a while but when I do make sure I am not begging and not saying how I can change, or how we can be in love again. He told me to be happy and to do stuff that I havent done before which I am and it feels great but it is hard to focus on anything right now because all I can think about is that I should call her and see if she wants to go on a walk or to go get some coffee or breakfast. I havent done that right now but I feel like it is inevitable.
My wife is pretty independent and when she makes up her mind, she usually runs with it. That is why I fell in love with her. I loved that and now it is totally working against me int his situation.
The more and more I think and talk about this, the more I want to call her. I am normally a man that can talk through it and make compromises but in this situation she has blocked me out all the way, she is in a concrete box so to speak and not opening her heart to me. This is so rough. I love her more than anything and know that we can make things better again.
Again, thank everyone for your replies!