I have been over all of these threads and found alot of peace knowing im not alone and finally decided to post myself...The story sounds similar been married to my wife 7 years first few were great then the decline She is Saying "Im missing a passion for you" and wont say I love you Back she says things like " there are different levels of Love" and "theres a lack of Connection with you", also there was no physical touch or affection before space except sex which felt like a chore in silence how unfulfilling. Through the years she would always give me a list of changes and I did them All...quit weed entirely quit smoking cigarettes formed a better loving relationship with the kids, became financially mature started going to church and joined a great men's group to be a better Father.I am also previous military who was dealing with PTSD. Dont get me wrong im nowhere near perfect and know im contributing to this just saying ive come a long way.
A little background on her, she's been in a few abusive relationships ( sexually and physically and im sure verbally) including the father of her children who accidentally killed himself with a drug overdose. She then went into super guilt mode because the children lost their father and spoils them rotten, never says no, and never disciplines them with consequences. They are her whole self being and value to life meanwhile totally losing herself. As she put it it was kill herself or dedicate her life to them.
She claims that because I did everything She asked of me to change she is now wondering if the cause of her issues are her. We went to marriage counseling for a year and a half but she did not open up to have real growth she merely pointed fingers, meanwhile I found out alot about myself and my marriage. she is now seeing a really good counselor by herself so she can open up and put it all on the table as she put it. She claims she has no self esteem which is why all of this is happening and why she chose bad guys in the past. She also says this isnt about another guy, and before all of you guys jump on the another guy band wagon I will say I have done the scan the phone, email,texts , call log and facebook and drive bys all hours of the night and day for a couple months and never found a thing though she could be strategically deleting certain things in total preparation.... of course you never know and Im not Blindly believing there isnt someone else either because there is a previous ex in her phone and facebook that she had strong feelings for but he has been in there since before we were married and there was really bad blood between them in the end as well as he is married. We have been going on dates, we have been going to events with the kids, she has reached out and grabbed my hand on the train, she has started giving me hugs and good night kisses. One day Im emotionally ok the next im a mess the next im mad and want to take control of my life back and just end it! How long do you put your life in Limbo for someone who is figuring out themselves and to see if they love you? At some point you have to Move on, I am a christian now and so is she so morally im really trying to have Integrity but For the first time in our Marriage Im finding myself looking at younger girls who are full of energy and wondering if I would be better off just moving on.. then the next day we will hang out and i want to be with her again once i smell her hair and see her smile...meanwhile pretending like im emotionally healthy and that this isnt really bothering me that bad..SO frustrating i think its because i require physical touch and affection also i like being in a realtionship with her.........My question is...would a person really go through all of this and the whole time knowing they were going to divorce you but they wanted to break up in stages, or worse yet for all the pessimists..would she really be working a side guy or carrying on an emotional affair while going to church and reading the bible 2 hours every morning and acting more loving and doing dates and calling me honey still???? or are there signs of reconcilliation?