Re: Unwillngly separated wife took kids need adv
I'm following the 180 plan. Today I went back to the gym, went and bought new guitar strings and found a music store right near my house which also has a cafe where they have live music and open mic nights. The guy who runs it is really cool i wound up talking to him for about an hour. Tonight I am going to a meeting and will go the gym and another meeting tomorrow. I realize I have been isolating pretty much for the last 7 months and I am not healthy.
Other than that, this is very heavy. I alternate between wanting to tell my wife how much a scumbag she is for destroying our family, and then I want to apologize for all the wrongs I have done, not being attentive, not helping out around the house as much, play too much video games etc. I was going through stuff and found some notes and letters my wife had written pointing out things she wanted me to do more of, things she had told me over the past few years that I kind of brushed off, did 1/2 assed or did for a while then stopped. I realize in many ways I took my W for granted and I feel very guilty and sad. I am trying to keep it together and I keep reading the 180 list over and over and so far have not contact W today. I might text tonight just to ask about the kids. I feel like my life is over and I feel so bad for the kids, I have been crying a lot today.
I have been reading a lot of other threads and one guy who was cheated on/lied to said for him there could never be R, because he would always be suspicious and could not live like that and that also it would not be fair to his W. That is where I think I am at. After all that has happened I don't think I will ever be able to fully R. I think my marriage is over no matter what happens w/180 and I'm trying to come to terms with it. Thaks for all your support.