Unwillngly separated wife took kids need adv - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 02:44 PM
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Re: Unwillngly separated wife took kids need adv

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Spoke to lawyer/mediator and made appointment for wednesday 1400 EST. He said if W doesn't agree to mediation I can retain him as lawyer. W agreed to go. Then she text me a few minutes ago says she doesn't think Wednesday is going to work. Wants to talk on Wednesday about making a mutual agreeing day and time. "in the future please consult with me before making appointments that require me there"

My response text: "I told you that I do not want to waste thousands of dollars that we and our kids will need, but if you are not there Wednesday at 1400 then I will file immediately"

W: That's a threat

I: See you Wednesday

That was about 10 minutes ago and no response. I must admit I was hoping for some different response from her like trying to reason, ask why, etc.... I guess this makes it easier though. This hurts but I am proceeding with plan. Does anybody have any feedback? Am I being too inflexible/harsh??
Yes you are. Do you know what her schedule is? It only makes sense that the two of you would need to coordinate on a time and a mediator. Does this mediator have an office near you, meaning that she has to drive about 80 miles each way? Mediation means working together. Can you email your stbx and the mediator to set up a mutually agreeable time? Can the consultation be done with your wife on the phone or using conferencing software so that your stbx does not have to drive 160 miles round trip in one day?

Have the two of you worked out what you agree with to this point? I would do that before going to a mediator with her. That way you have a starting point.

She is not going to agree with you getting 100% custody, so that part is going to end up in court. For that reason alone, bit might be worth it to just skip mediation and to right to an attorney. But besides custody, what disagreements do the two of you have?


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post #32 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 02:47 PM
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Re: Unwillngly separated wife took kids need adv

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Also, should I tell her that the kids told me they would rather live with me than with her?
NO do not tell her this. You need to keep in mind that your kids might be telling her that they want to live with her. Divorce puts children in a terrible position. Sometimes children handle it by kissing up to the parent they are with at any one time.

One way to handle the custody thing is to ask for a custody evaluation. That way you can tell the evaluator whatever you need to. They will talk to your children and get a better picture. And you can ask them that you insist that your stbx gets drug tested.

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post #33 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 03:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Unwillngly separated wife took kids need adv

The mediator/lawyer office is 1/2 way between us in the town where my mother lives. My mother has already agreed to watch the kids. My daughter will have to take a 1/2 day of school which I have no problem w/. My W had no problem taking her out of school for 3 days for their FL vacation and I think this is a little more important.

My wife has no schedule, no job so I don't care too much if she is inconvenienced by this. I am taking a 1/2 day off from work. I know she is not going to give me full custody of kids but this will be my starting position. I want to be able to stay in my house, which she has already agreed to. I put $36K down and she only $10K. There might be $20K equity in it. Other than that I am prepared to offer her apprx. 1/2 of what my 401k earned since the marriage and she can have everything else, (except my car). I work for federal government and will have a pension which I do not want her to get any of but is negotiable. The furniture is mostly hers, etc.

Like I told her I want quick easy and as inexpensive and painless as possible.
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post #34 of 34 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 06:00 PM
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Re: Unwillngly separated wife took kids need adv

You are being too harsh/inflexible. Doesn't matter whether you care about her being inconvenienced if you want to bring her to the table you need to make it something she is comfortable doing you cannot force it.

Right now she has the kids and will probably get the kids in a divorce you'll be lucky if you see them a few times per month unless you get her cooperation and you won't get that by making demands of her.
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