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post #31 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 12:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Question about alimony

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Usually the one who did not work was home taking care of kids. They could have been working and built their own career. But instead they put their energies towards to the family.
Usually, but not in this case. She took three of those 6 years and did a masters degree that I paid for with GI Bill benefits that were earned on a deployment 3 years before I met the woman. The last two years I spent yelling about getting a job till I told her to go pound sand on Nov 5th.

I'd have probably not even filed if it wasn't for the addition of the constant man shaming that she loved. 'Why don't you be a man and ....'. Ok, lets see you hustle you ass off to pay rent for once in your life, here's you divorce papers.

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post #32 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 01:00 PM
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Re: Question about alimony

You're letting the anger get the best of you. Go to the gym and take it out on a punching bag. The courts will not look favorably on actions like destroying personal items. It will be held against you. Be smart about this.

You need your attorney. If you don't like him/her, then go get another one. But don't trash him/her because you need him/her on your side as much as possible.

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post #33 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 01:15 PM
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Re: Question about alimony

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Usually, but not in this case. She took three of those 6 years and did a masters degree that I paid for with GI Bill benefits that were earned on a deployment 3 years before I met the woman. The last two years I spent yelling about getting a job till I told her to go pound sand on Nov 5th.

I'd have probably not even filed if it wasn't for the addition of the constant man shaming that she loved. 'Why don't you be a man and ....'. Ok, lets see you hustle you ass off to pay rent for once in your life, here's you divorce papers.
Your mistake was 1- marrying a woman who was in school and not earning nearly what you were and 2- allowing it to perpetuate as long as you did.

You should have divorced her 2 years ago rather than pointlessly "yelling at her" which accomplished nothing.

You screwed up. Own it. Be angry at the guy in the mirror, then forgive yourself and move on with your life. Be glad you aren't doing this after having 2 or 3 kids.
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post #34 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 01:18 PM
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Re: Question about alimony

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I understand you and the courts say this is fair but it really isn't. Having laws like this make it so that a penniless woman can get into a relationship with a man where she agrees to take care of the kids and deliberately becomes an ******* to him causing a divorce where she now has the right to claim half of all his possessions. That just seems like theft to me, yet our court system makes it perfectly legal.
It's more an issue of being practical. The courts don't have the resources to delve so deeply into each divorce case. They can't even adequately research the cases as it is. It's up to the people getting married to know what they're getting into and what might happen if things go south, which they do, at least 50% of the time.

If a guy marries a penniless woman, and decides to have children with her, and they mutually agree that she will raise them which gives him the time to earn a living, then she is reasonably entitled to half the money and assets accrued during the time he worked and she stayed home to raise THEIR children.

Like I said, the laws were always there. To jump blindly into a marriage without thinking it through, and then after the marriage fails, to say "These laws are unfair" is like complaining that the speed limit is 55 after you get a ticket for going 80.

Last edited by browser; 03-17-2017 at 01:29 PM.
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post #35 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 01:25 PM
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Re: Question about alimony

Your going to have to pay somthing so get over it and accept it. Going ballistic isnt going to help you.

If you dont want to pay her 1500 a month offer to buy her out cash for less. Or give her your half of the equity in the house. Get creative. Getting angry and destroying her things isnt going to help anything.
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post #36 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 01:31 PM
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Re: Question about alimony

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Getting angry and destroying her things isnt going to help anything.
Oh, it will help. His exwife and her attorney will have a field day.

Her (to her attorney) (crying) "He THREW OUT my clothes, the BASTARD!"

Her attorney "You'll be able to buy 3 times the amount of those clothes and once the judge hears about this you'll probably get even more alimony" and to him or herself the attorney will think "And I will get more legal fees because of this high conflict divorce".
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post #37 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 01:37 PM
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Re: Question about alimony

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Her attorney told her that I could be made to pay $1,500 a month for 2 years. This seems absolutely insane and I'll go to jail before I pay it. I bought the house myself before marriage and commingled it when we refinanced, HUGE MISTAKE.
It sounds like you've moved past the idea of going to jail instead of paying, if it comes down to this which is good. You definitely don't want to choose jail over paying because I believe you'd still have to pay once you get out. Now THAT would be a HUGE MISTAKE.

I read a little bit of your back story. It sounds like you two got together when you were at a very low point in your own life. I'm sure your judgment was compromised. If you do get stuck with a big alimony bill I would try to think of it as a lesson learned in life and maybe think of it like this:

She's clearly a flawed person, but when you were at your very lowest she was there for you. Now you have turned your life around and you are paying her to go away.

It's not fair, but obsessing on the unfairness of it will lead you to self-destructive behaviors and you have come so far.

Also - thank you for your service. You combat vets sacrifice so much for our country - you didn't just risk your life and physical health, you put your mental health on the line out there too and I'm sure some of the problems you had that led you to her had to do with that. But you have and are turning your whole life around. She's just one last piece from a dark time in your life that needs to be cleaned up.
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post #38 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 01:40 PM
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Re: Question about alimony

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Originally Posted by 53791263 View Post
Usually, but not in this case. She took three of those 6 years and did a masters degree that I paid for with GI Bill benefits that were earned on a deployment 3 years before I met the woman. The last two years I spent yelling about getting a job till I told her to go pound sand on Nov 5th.

I'd have probably not even filed if it wasn't for the addition of the constant man shaming that she loved. 'Why don't you be a man and ....'. Ok, lets see you hustle you ass off to pay rent for once in your life, here's you divorce papers.
I get it. But the courts are not going to spend the time to weight every little thing in your marriage. There are too many cases for them to do this.

You are doing the right thing to get out of the marriage before the damage is even worse.
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post #39 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 01:45 PM
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Re: Question about alimony

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Originally Posted by jb02157 View Post
I understand you and the courts say this is fair but it really isn't. Having laws like this make it so that a penniless woman can get into a relationship with a man where she agrees to take care of the kids and deliberately becomes an ******* to him causing a divorce where she now has the right to claim half of all his possessions. That just seems like theft to me, yet our court system makes it perfectly legal.
And a penniless, lazy beyond belief, man can do the same thing. I had a man try that with me. Once I figure out what he was up to, I divorced him before I was obligated to pay him alimony.

The court has no way of measuring the intent of a person when they marry. If a person does not want to ever be at risk to pay alimony, do not marry someone who does not earn less than you do. No one force you or anyone else to marry a person who does not earn equally.

The laws are there to protect people who are the most vulnerable... those who stay home to take care of the children and family.
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post #40 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 04:01 PM
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Re: Question about alimony

What does your lawyer actually have to say? Listening to her lawyer and what she says is far from a smart move. She does have earning potential with her degree which you helped pay for. She most likely will get some type of temporary maintenance but at the same time the courts are granting less maintenance time for qualified able bodied workers.

You could always give up more assets to get out of alimony, this is what your lawyer should be working in the negotiations.


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post #41 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 04:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Question about alimony

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If you dont want to pay her 1500 a month offer to buy her out cash for less. Or give her your half of the equity in the house. Get creative.

I'm paying her probably the entire net proceeds of the sale and she said she will sign something saying she won't take alimony, my attorney corroborated this is factual. Reduced the price on the house yesterday, hoping to sell by the end of May.

I actually just toured her attorney's triplex today and I might buy it to live in. Gross monthly rental income is $2,250 and I would make $500 per month over the mortgage payments and get paid to live their if I bought it.
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post #42 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 05:10 PM
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Re: Question about alimony

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I actually just toured her attorney's triplex today and I might buy it to live in. Gross monthly rental income is $2,250 and I would make $500 per month over the mortgage payments and get paid to live their if I bought it.
I wish my exwife's attorney would have paid me to live in her triplex. Some guys get all the breaks.
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post #43 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 06:24 PM Thread Starter
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He's not going to pay me to live there. I'm going to buy this property on the same day that I sell my current house. I'm going to use my VA loan and put zero money down and then live in one of the units and rent the other two out. I'll make about 500 bucks a month from living there once I collect the rents from the other two units.

Funny thing is, my ex's attorney is selling this triplex to pay off his ex, he's going through a divorce too and she wants her equity.
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post #44 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 07:35 PM
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Re: Question about alimony

Nice..

Don't know what your experience is as a landlord but from my experience, you want to thoroughly screen your tenants and do a full background and employment check for anyone who will be living there. At the initial interview tell them you don't rent to people with bad credit and it will cost them $25 to run their report, with no guarantee they will get the apartment if the credit doesn't check out. It's always worked for me, I made one mistake once and rented to the adult child of a person I had known before and they turned out to be drug dealing losers that cost me more aggravation than if I had simply left it vacant.

You also might want to see how strong the rental market is in your area and be sure you can cover the place in the event you are not fully rented, and keep funds in reserve for the "dry" times between tenants.

If you agree to rent to pets (assuming it's allowed in that development) you will have more prospective tenants who are usually willing to pay a large security deposit to cover potential damage by their animals since usually they don't have any other choice.

Put a clause in the contract that either they pay utilities or you can raise the rent based on higher bills due to higher energy use. It prevents them from opening the windows when it's 30 degrees outside because they "feel stuffy.
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post #45 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 11:31 PM
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Re: Question about alimony

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Originally Posted by 53791263 View Post
He's not going to pay me to live there. I'm going to buy this property on the same day that I sell my current house. I'm going to use my VA loan and put zero money down and then live in one of the units and rent the other two out. I'll make about 500 bucks a month from living there once I collect the rents from the other two units.

Funny thing is, my ex's attorney is selling this triplex to pay off his ex, he's going through a divorce too and she wants her equity.
So your wife's attorney is selling you his property. And he's talking your wife into taking the payout from selling your house and forgoing alimony.

I wonder what kind of conflict of interest this could be.
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