Hold me Tight by Sue Johnson Questions - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 03:31 AM
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Re: Hold me Tight by Sue Johnson Questions

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
@Deejo is a huge advocate for that book, as is @jld. I have tremendous respect for both of them.

I have still not yet read it, and I need to.
Thanks, far.

Hey, does this mean you are going to watch Fireproof, too?

Hi, Moving Forward. I read Hold Me Tight a few years ago now, and have somewhat of a fuzzy recollection of it. It certainly merits a reread.

What I remember most clearly is the emphasis on the importance of transparency, vulnerability, and empathy in marriage. We simply must share our hearts with our spouses, and they with us. Those three elements are what build our emotional connection, which is the foundation of modern marriage.


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #32 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 03:57 AM
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Hold me Tight by Sue Johnson Questions

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Hmmm, could be THIS explains the lack of sex in your marriage..? At least partially....
No. That's not it.
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post #33 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 10:59 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Hold me Tight by Sue Johnson Questions

Still not received the book yet, sucks it will be only for my potential next relationship whenever that may be.

I have seen some people post on here about Co-Dependency books and was interested to see what is recommended?

M - 12
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post #34 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 11:17 AM
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Re: Hold me Tight by Sue Johnson Questions

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Hi I have another thread going below but wanted to keep this separate for some feedback.

Entering Divorce proceedings

During MC last night it was discussed my inability to effectively show emotion has caused my W or STBXW to feel unloved and lonely and to detach from me, I do have a lot of feelings but maybe don't always show them in a way that she wanted. I was told that I am a fixer and I need to not try and fix everything all the time and sometimes just listen.

He recommend I read a book called Hold me Tight by Sue Johnson, has anyone read this book and did you get anything out of it? Also any other recommendations for books which have resonated well would be appreciated.
I've been told the same things by my wife many times. I never really understood the whole situation until I came across the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy", it opened my eyes to a lot. A good friend of mine also brought up a very good point to me the other day. I'm a retired firefighter, and what my friend said to me was this "You're a fireman, you always have been. Without really knowing you've been programed to find, fix or solve a problem all while having to push your emotions way behind you." I thought about that for a while and yeah, when you put it that way, lol. It's something that I'm really trying to fix about myself now, the way that when I see danger I push my emotions way back and don't express anything, and how when I see a problem my first reaction is to look for a solution. I've come to realize that I can't fix everything and some things aren't meant to be fixed, if they're going to work you just need to let the situation play out as it was meant to.
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post #35 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 11:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Hold me Tight by Sue Johnson Questions

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I've been told the same things by my wife many times. I never really understood the whole situation until I came across the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy", it opened my eyes to a lot. A good friend of mine also brought up a very good point to me the other day. I'm a retired firefighter, and what my friend said to me was this "You're a fireman, you always have been. Without really knowing you've been programed to find, fix or solve a problem all while having to push your emotions way behind you." I thought about that for a while and yeah, when you put it that way, lol. It's something that I'm really trying to fix about myself now, the way that when I see danger I push my emotions way back and don't express anything, and how when I see a problem my first reaction is to look for a solution. I've come to realize that I can't fix everything and some things aren't meant to be fixed, if they're going to work you just need to let the situation play out as it was meant to.
I have the PDF, I never knew it was such a big deal but guess it is partially to blame for costing me my marriage.

I am going to be seeing an IC but with work schedule and times it is hard to get frequent appointments, I guess I have a lot to work on in myself, struggling to know who I am currently.

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post #36 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 11:56 AM
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Re: Hold me Tight by Sue Johnson Questions

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I have the PDF, I never knew it was such a big deal but guess it is partially to blame for costing me my marriage.

I am going to be seeing an IC but with work schedule and times it is hard to get frequent appointments, I guess I have a lot to work on in myself, struggling to know who I am currently.
I never realized it was a big deal either, I always thought I was doing the right thing, but it was actually something that was pushing my wife away. The best thing now is that I've realized this and can do something about it. And if the problems in my marriage ultimately don't work out and we split, at least I will have rebuilt myself and I'll know better for the next time.

The past is the past, it's not meant to re-live. We need to put the past behind us and learn from our mistakes
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post #37 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 12:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Hold me Tight by Sue Johnson Questions

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I never realized it was a big deal either, I always thought I was doing the right thing, but it was actually something that was pushing my wife away. The best thing now is that I've realized this and can do something about it. And if the problems in my marriage ultimately don't work out and we split, at least I will have rebuilt myself and I'll know better for the next time.

The past is the past, it's not meant to re-live. We need to put the past behind us and learn from our mistakes
Yep it pushed my wife away to the point she doesn't want to return.

Good luck with your marriage and thanks for taking the time to offer feedback

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post #38 of 39 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 11:09 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Hold me Tight by Sue Johnson Questions

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Thanks, far.

Hey, does this mean you are going to watch Fireproof, too?

Hi, Moving Forward. I read Hold Me Tight a few years ago now, and have somewhat of a fuzzy recollection of it. It certainly merits a reread.

What I remember most clearly is the emphasis on the importance of transparency, vulnerability, and empathy in marriage. We simply must share our hearts with our spouses, and they with us. Those three elements are what build our emotional connection, which is the foundation of modern marriage.
I have finally made it about half way through this book and it is a very interesting read, probably going to have to go through it a few more times though.

I always saw vulnerability as weakness but i am tying to learn some new perspectives.

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post #39 of 39 (permalink) Old 04-24-2017, 10:06 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Hold me Tight by Sue Johnson Questions

Update on the book, finished it last night and then skim read over a few more parts.

This book is excellent and I would say a must read for all people in LTR or wanting successful LTR/Marriage, it is very interesting and so many Scenarios and 'Demon Dialogues' as they are refereed to in the book I have experienced first hand and myself and my STBXW handled them all in the manner which pushes away and loses connection versus growing together and strengthening the connection as a couple Hence us now Divorcing.

I would recommend anyone who is in a relationship rut to maybe have a read and then see if there partner will also have a read or go over it together as it is so accurate it is scary and a few changes in how you act in a situation can either bring you closer together or push you further apart.

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Last edited by MovingForward; 04-24-2017 at 10:33 AM.
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