Wife is on the way out. Need all the help I can get. - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 50 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 11:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is on the way out. Need all the help I can get.

I know there will be some dark times ahead, and I will post about it. I think it will be a while before I am happy on my own... and I hope one day I will be here asking for dating advice.. as much as I love my wife, I think its a fools errand. And I want to move on.

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post #32 of 50 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 12:23 AM
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Re: Wife is on the way out. Need all the help I can get.

Been there ......
Yes, she is not your wife. She's someone else. You'll learn not to care anymore. More of a result of being abused by her for long enough. Please realize she is actively cheating with another man. No doubt about it. Let him have her, she's trash.

A better relationship with a much better woman is all the revenge you need. She's her own worst enemy. Grab a bag of popcorn and sit back and watch her unravel he own life.

You are not NEARLY in as bad shape as you think.
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post #33 of 50 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 12:38 AM
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Re: Wife is on the way out. Need all the help I can get.

Been there except that I talked to my doctor and got treated for depression and that turned my life around. My wife says I am much easier to live with when my depression is being treated. I feel it myself and as a result we are married for 44 years. My wife is like your wife and expected me to know what was bothering her or what she wanted. I kept telling her that she gets all upset because she never tells anyone what she wants like I do. Don't dare buy me a gift without checking with me first. I just ask questions and pick up on subtle clues and that has worked well for us so far. I also assume that I am wrong and she is right.

I have a very stressful job where a mistake can cost a lot of money or impact our security clearance for government contracts. The antidepressants I take even me out and make me feel good about life every day. I perform much better under stress now, even better than everyone else in the company. I am now cool and level headed under stress and thrive on it rather than getting all emotional and thinking of the worst. I used to think negative thoughts all the time, even at night which disturbed my sleep. Now when I think of something negative it is soon out of my head. I used to think negatively compulsively for hours at a time. Not anymore.

Talk to a doctor because no matter what, you will need to take care of what you are experiencing. I thought that depression was like you see in the movies. Did not know that it can manifest as anger, stress, fatigue and all sorts of ways. My life has improved due to medication but you can also try talk therapy. Some say that is better but I do not take instruction well and the drugs make me feel very good every day.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.
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post #34 of 50 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 01:17 AM
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Re: Wife is on the way out. Need all the help I can get.

10 years locks in social security spousal benefits. I've advised many divorcing wives to hang on until the anniversary ignoring alimony.
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post #35 of 50 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 05:55 AM
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Re: Wife is on the way out. Need all the help I can get.

Has she had her green card interview yet? If not, and you separate, she is risking lots.

Also, if she plans to apply for US citizenship down the road, divorce immediate after green card is a red flag.

Third, the longer you stay married the more you may end up paying, not to mention possibly being dragged into accessory to violation of immigration law...

May I ask what general part of the world we're talking about?
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post #36 of 50 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 01:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is on the way out. Need all the help I can get.

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Originally Posted by john117 View Post
Has she had her green card interview yet? If not, and you separate, she is risking lots.

Also, if she plans to apply for US citizenship down the road, divorce immediate after green card is a red flag.

Third, the longer you stay married the more you may end up paying, not to mention possibly being dragged into accessory to violation of immigration law...

May I ask what general part of the world we're talking about?
South asia.
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post #37 of 50 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 03:47 PM
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Re: Wife is on the way out. Need all the help I can get.

How are things @need_help_to_recover

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post #38 of 50 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 04:11 PM
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Re: Wife is on the way out. Need all the help I can get.

Quote:
Originally Posted by need_help_to_recover View Post
To further complicate things, My wife will stay married to me for a while (year or two), because she needs a legal way to stay in the US. So I am supporting her still. And will do so for some time to come...
Why do you have to support her still? If she wants to leave, doesn't that mean that she will need to be self-sufficient? I can see supporting your son, but she can get a job.
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post #39 of 50 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 01:33 PM
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Re: Wife is on the way out. Need all the help I can get.

Whatever you do,
1) Talk to a lawyer to protect your custody of your son.
2) If your son has a passport, get it and put it in a post office box that your wife doesn't have access to. If he doesn't have one, make sure he doesn't get one unless you are the possessor of it.

I would bet that your wife is having an affair.
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post #40 of 50 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 05:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is on the way out. Need all the help I can get.

I am doing a bit better.
Been active with friends and some new endeavors. Physically getting fitter. Doing things that make me happy from time to time.
I am almost of the opinion now, that I too was very unhappy because I was never loved by her for better part of the last few years..Maybe there is a silver lining here.

I am trying to build new relationships... went out to have dinner with a couple who are very nice to me.

I still sometime stop short in the middle of the day and have that sinking feeling that no one loves me. But its getting better. I have hopes of being happy by myself.

thanks so much for asking.
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Originally Posted by MovingForward View Post
How are things @need_help_to_recover


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post #41 of 50 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 05:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is on the way out. Need all the help I can get.

I removed his passport from home. It will expire in a month anyway, and I dont think she can apply for one without my consent.
affair or not, she is the mother of my child. I am talking to lawyers, but I do want to find a solution where she stays in the same country as me and my son...

I would like my son to have both parents around. I am willing to sacrifice 10s of thousands of dollars for this.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Rick Blaine View Post
Whatever you do,
1) Talk to a lawyer to protect your custody of your son.
2) If your son has a passport, get it and put it in a post office box that your wife doesn't have access to. If he doesn't have one, make sure he doesn't get one unless you are the possessor of it.

I would bet that your wife is having an affair.
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post #42 of 50 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 05:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is on the way out. Need all the help I can get.

She got a job, albeit low paying... we are trying to settle for a small amount for alimony and some assets.
I think she may be honorable in how this goes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ursula View Post
Why do you have to support her still? If she wants to leave, doesn't that mean that she will need to be self-sufficient? I can see supporting your son, but she can get a job.
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post #43 of 50 (permalink) Old 03-29-2017, 05:15 PM
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Re: Wife is on the way out. Need all the help I can get.

Quote:
Originally Posted by need_help_to_recover View Post
I am doing a bit better.
Been active with friends and some new endeavors. Physically getting fitter. Doing things that make me happy from time to time.
I am almost of the opinion now, that I too was very unhappy because I was never loved by her for better part of the last few years..Maybe there is a silver lining here.

I am trying to build new relationships... went out to have dinner with a couple who are very nice to me.

I still sometime stop short in the middle of the day and have that sinking feeling that no one loves me. But its getting better. I have hopes of being happy by myself.

thanks so much for asking.
We need to all look out for each other, sometimes writing down my complaints here are the only thing that get me through the day. I get those same feelings and have had a terrible day today but think I almost got it all out (Hopefully) been complaining a lot on here today

I just joined a Crossfit gym in my area and start next week so hoping that can kill 2 birds with one stone make friends and wear myself out enough to not feel so terrible while also hopefully looking better in the future.

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post #44 of 50 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 11:57 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is on the way out. Need all the help I can get.

We certainly do. it can be lonely world out there . especially for men. I am resolved to coming through. I will be picking up new skills and challenges. And if I conquer them, perhaps it will help me fill the void.

I am thankful for having my health, my son, my job, my friends, and a desire to be happy.

lets do this !!


Quote:
Originally Posted by MovingForward View Post
We need to all look out for each other, sometimes writing down my complaints here are the only thing that get me through the day. I get those same feelings and have had a terrible day today but think I almost got it all out (Hopefully) been complaining a lot on here today

I just joined a Crossfit gym in my area and start next week so hoping that can kill 2 birds with one stone make friends and wear myself out enough to not feel so terrible while also hopefully looking better in the future.
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post #45 of 50 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 12:01 PM
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Re: Wife is on the way out. Need all the help I can get.

Quote:
Originally Posted by need_help_to_recover View Post
We certainly do. it can be lonely world out there . especially for men
yes it seems woman are much more supportive of there friends and come together more than men do. probably why we all fall apart more our support is usually our wife and then we are left with nothing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by need_help_to_recover View Post
I am thankful for having my health, my son, my job, my friends, and a desire to be happy
Good on you, i wish I had been as positive at the beginning as you are.

Wish you all the best.

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