YOu are not sad and pathetic, your husband has treated you very badly using your history (affair) against you but his activities are all very current.
He has shown you who he is, he is not to be trusted. He is a serial cheat and has probably got many other instances which you don't know of.
In response to him demanding space, I would quietly just go to a lawyer, and say you can have all the space you need, I will not be treated like this, nor will I be someones Plan B and send him the papers. Move on with your life. He wants to have his cake and eat it and obviously doesn't care that he hurts you. To mess around with someone who is staying in your house , leaving love aside it displays absolutely no respect for you. The marriage is over, I am sorry.
This. Given that the two of you were separated for only two weeks after your initial affair, and in that time period he slept with not one but two women in that time span
, my spidey sense is tingling. I think it is very, VERY likely that he had already cheated on you before your affair. And it sounds like he took your affair and decided that it was a license for him to cheat, and to cheat flagrantly.
He doesn't want to be married to you. He's not going to come back. He's trying to be a "good guy" by saying that he still cares about you and that he'll say hi, but he doesn't love you and he doesn't care about you--it's just more lies. He obviously isn't staying in touch, if you haven't heard from him in a week. He's done with the marriage and he's done with you. I know that's hard to hear, but you need to accept the reality of your situation. You can't push him away any further, because he's already gone.
Sometimes the person we want the most in our life is the person we are best off without. Don't chase him or waste time wishing that you could get him back. The two of you are clearly bad for one another; it's a toxic relationship that feeds off of dysfunction. Whatever the two of you once had, it's broken beyond repair. You need to let it go.
There are 4 things that you need to do IMMEDIATELY:
1) Cease any and all contact with him.
2) Consult a lawyer immediately. You need to get ahead of him on this and protect yourself. The person who files first usually has the upper hand.
3) Based on your lawyer's recommendations, do whatever you need to so secure/protect your share of marital assets. If you don't already have one, open a bank account that's only in your name (AT A DIFFERENT BANK) and start putting your paycheck into it; take your name off or close any joint credit accounts, so he can't run up any additional debt in your name; if you have any joint checking/savings, you may want to take out your half before he has the chance to drain the accounts (check with a lawyer on this). You have no idea what he will do when you serve him with divorce papers.
4) Get yourself into individual counseling. You need help working through the emotional aftermath from a toxic relationship, and just as important, you clearly brought a lot of issues into the marriage. You say you mostly have gotten over them, but from reading your post, I'm not sure that you have. You need to focus on making yourself better and taking care of you.
Good luck. *Hugs*