Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Re: New baby and husband wants divorce
Some professions that put you in contact with a lot of women can lead to cheating, especially if they are drunk women. He is nice to you because he does not hate you, he just does not love you. If I had a dime for every couple that had a baby to fix a marriage, even if only one of them viewed it that way, I would almost be able to afford a cup of Starbucks' coffee. It is very common.
I have not slept in the same bedroom with my wife for most of our marriage. PSTD after Vietnam which had me attacking her in my sleep, loud snoring due to sleep apnea, then the noise of a CPAP machine running all night, running a business in Italy and Hong Kong which required phone calls and faxing when it was sleepy time in NYC, plus waking up my wife when I left for work at 6am, did not work well for sharing a bedroom. Plus I spent about 3-4 months of the year living in hotels so I was used to sleeping alone and so was my wife. People think that is horrible but we had regular sex. We just did not sleep together. It was kind of nice to lure her into my bedroom each night. Been doing that for 44 years with great success.
The problem with love is that it is a chemical reaction in your brain which is controlled genetically. Look at someone and try to will yourself to love them and you cannot. Try to stop loving someone who all of a sudden leaves you for whatever reason, and you cannot. We cannot will love into and out of existence so once lost, it is gone and no amount of counselling will change that. It can only teach you to live like good friends.
We also tend to project our feelings of love on others. We expect them to feel the same way as we do. That is not how it works most times. Love once lost, is usually lost for good. Nothing you can say or do to change that. I feel for you, but it is time to think about what is best for you and your baby. Sometimes it is having a baby which changes how a husband views his wife. Instead of seeing her as a lover, he sees her as a mother who devotes most of her attention to the child instead of him. Hope you find a happy life because we all deserve that.
Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.