Re: She treats me horribly but i still want her back, why?
Thanks for the feedback. I am taking the steps needed with keeping a journal, documenting everything and asking my lawyer to seek the evaluation and am prepared to pay the legal fees. I already have a new house completely furnished with separate bedrooms for each child. I recently took a better paying job also.
I realize that this relationship is over and know what I need to do to move on. The problem I am having is that I just can't seem to do it. I was at a point where I felt good, was accepting of the situation and ready to move on, I thought. After losing the preliminary custody order, the temporary order, I have reverted back to wanting to find ways to develop a better relationship and co parent. I want to be friends and have her want to share our children's time more evenly. Although she has never wanted things to be equal, she wants to keep the girls all the time and even lied to the courts to get custody order in her favor. It is crazy, its so obvious but I refuse to believe it and I am making it worse every chance I get by continuing to try to talk to her, email and text her. I realize I am doing it, try to stop, and make the same mistake again.
Honestly, I think the fear of losing my children to every other weekend is my biggest concern. She has been able to keep the girls from me since we separated and I have not been able to stop her. Even filing for custody first, she was able to manipulate the courts and still got what she wants. So far, I have been powerless to stop her controlling how I see my children and that kills me.