what signs should i look fo in seperation that we might get back together - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-30-2011, 10:24 AM Thread Starter
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what signs should i look fo in seperation that we might get back together

My wife and I have been married 6 years on January 6. We have a 6 year old daughter. My wife had drug problems and ended up in jail about 2 1/2 years ago for aout 5 months. When she got out I seperated from her and started seeing our daughters pre-school teacher. That lasted 3 months. I decided to go back to her and asked if we could work things out. That was a year and half ago and things went ok, but we never really moved back in together. 2 months ago my wife told me she didn't think we would ever be able to be together again. The famous I love you but not in love with you line. After a month of arguments and no progress, i changed my attitude and started trying to be positive about the situation. Since then the last 4 weeks have been full of ups and downs, but we have been spending a lot of time together and she has asked me many nights to stay at her place. We have also been intimate, which had not happened for about 6 months. I guess there is some progress there and I shouldn't give up yet. The thing that really concerns me is that when we are alonw togther she acts totally different around me then when we are in public. When we are in public she makes a pint of letting everyone know that we are married, but just friends right now. I have no reason to believe that she is seeing anyone else. I guess my questoin is a two parter. 1. could her acting differntly in public be just part of her healing process for what happened when I left her last time, or should I be reading more into it? 2. Is the fact that she is asking me to go out with her and to stay nights with her a sign that I should just stay the course because it is making progress?

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-30-2011, 05:02 PM
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Re: what signs should i look fo in seperation that we might get back together

I'd like to hear the responses you get as I'm asking the same questions. My H and I have been separated since July, but spend alot of time together. He comes over alot to visit (we have two teenagers) so I don't know if he's coming over to visit with them or me or both. We spent Christmas together, have meals together quite often. He invites me and son down quite often for dinner and I do the same. I don't know how to read this. It's been impossible for me to do the no contact thing and I don't want to anyway. I just keep praying that he'll either decide to come back or pull the trigger. Our state requires a 12 month separation before a divorce can be granted, but I don't think that come July he'll be filing for divorce. I'm so confused.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-30-2011, 07:44 PM
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Re: what signs should i look fo in seperation that we might get back together

Hello Timefuse,

I can offer little advice.

What I can offer to you is hope. Keep your chin up. I am just starting my first night of separation and I don't know exactly what I'm in for.


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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-30-2011, 09:09 PM
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Re: what signs should i look fo in seperation that we might get back together

I am two months of the Wife walking away. We are cordial, meet at least once a week, talk about 3 times a week and our in MC and IC each.

Out MC said we will know when it will be right to move forward or move on. Time and patience.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-30-2011, 10:04 PM
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Re: what signs should i look fo in seperation that we might get back together

This is coming from someone who was in a similar situation until recently...don't read into anything! Enjoy the time and then keep living for yourself. This might not be what you want to hear but don't get your hopes up. Just be calm, remember her "not in love" line and just be cautious. My ex and I did the same thing, spent nights together, dinner with the kids, intimate times and guess what? There was someone else. And he gravitated to her. True I was a b*tch at times but hey, he walked out on me while I was pregnant and got a new chick immediately.

So just enjoy the time and be cautious!!
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-31-2011, 04:50 AM
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Re: what signs should i look fo in seperation that we might get back together

I think that the advice you are getting to be careful is wise. It's hard to let something/someone go but there are processes to it all. I agree that you should stay in the moment and enjoy it, that's probably why it's 'working'---this is the easy part--dating--marriage is hard. My husband left back in October, we slept together in November a couple of times, he broke it off again, and then contacted me at the beginning of December---"I miss you" "don't want to be selfish but I don't want you totally out of my life" oh and by the way he doesn't want any "emotions"
I am keeping the focus on me, enjoying the attention (which I didn't get while we were living together) and I take comfort in the FACT that we are still married and he is still my husband. Look out for yourself---your ex and mine certainly are.
Be careful
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