I guess I'm looking for success stories, a glimpse of hope.
I have been with my husband for 15 years (middle school sweethearts) lived together for 7 years and have been married for 2. He has decided that he wants a trial separation. He threw out the whole line, "I love you, you're my best friend, I just don't know if I am in love with you" . We tried living together and working through it but he got depressed and eventually said that he really needs space to figure it all out. I am very understanding. I'm sad, of course but he is an adult and when he says he needs space, I understand and respect that. He said that we are still very much married, the point is to try and make this work. He said we are dating each other. The same rules that we had when we lived together still apply when he moves out. He says we will talk, see each other, do things together, he's still inviting me to work functions, he'll still wear his ring. We have good communication. I love him with all of my heart and I have for a long time.
Side note: I have suffered with low self esteem, anxiety, jealousy issues for a while and they started to run him down, he said he started to lose respect for me because I couldn't see my self worth anymore. I've been actively working on my own issues.
Just wanting to know if anyone has had success in separations. Any kind of insight would be nice actually. Thanks.
'outed me' and read your post.
All I can suggest to you is to work on you. Put your relationship aside, at least for now, and focus on Lavendergirl. You say you're "working on your issues". How exactly? If you can, get into counselling. Shop around, find a counsellor that you click with. And be brave enough to face those demons. M'Lady was (is) in the same boat as you, because she'd never truly dealt with her past. Finding the right counsellor, and facing that past has helped her immensely.
We separated, for a year. And going against the naysayers here, it was the best thing that happened to us. Saved our marriage. If we had continued to stay in the rut we were in, we wouldn't be together now.
Having said that, I think we are about the only couple i've read about here in TAM that have gone as far as separation and made it back. It did help that neither of us were looking for pastures greener, but that we just both needed to sort our expletive out. Individually.
Marriage counselling (MC) hadn't worked previously, but individual counselling (IC) was what we needed. And we both went through it.
But, during that time we agreed to stay apart. And that's perhaps what you need to do. Neither of you seem to hold lavendergirl in much regard. And that's a big problem. Ideally he should be strong enough to support you, help you grow. But seems to have instead grown 'angry' that, in his mind, you're not what he mentally expected.
BUT, that's HIS problem. Not your's.
You need to find your own strength. From within. At the end of the day, that's the only place your strength can be found. Go find you. And if he happens to NOT be on that road, so be it.
And listen to Katy Perry's 'Roar'.
I mean really LISTEN to it. HEAR it.
Good luck, LavenderTiger.