My wife is having a mid life crisis
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Old 01-01-2012, 01:58 PM   #1 (permalink)
Join Date: Jan 2012
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Default My wife is having a mid life crisis

So this is my first post and I have spent the whole day reading on this forum and you guys are awesome. I have been married 11 years. I got married when I was 20 and my wife had literally come out of an abusive relationship and got married to me at 24. Our marriage has had its ups and downs but a year and a half ago I got retrenched and we really hit upon some hard times.

During this time we have come under serious financial strain and it has effected our marriage. Now my wife wants a separation because she says she has never been alone, She has always been a mother or a wife and has never had any fun. In Sept 2010 we had our first major blowout which resulted in her leaving me for a day to think. It turns out she had feelings for her cousin whom she has got very close to and he helped us out financially. She says they are like brother and sister but she has very strong feelings for him. They text each other every day and they are going into business next year.

So much has happened and the end result is that my wife tells me she no longer wants to be married, she wants freedom, she wants to do as she pleases when she pleases and she wants time alone. We have been fighting alot because obviously I have been begging and pleading and crying etc. I have put in major effort and have changed considerably into a super husband. I am kind, considerate, loving and all the good things but she says that we are too broken, too much has happened and there isnt enough between us to fix things.

Yet we recently started clubbing and dancing and she took some drugs to see what it was like and got very sick, I was by her side the whole time and looked after her. Subsequently we both have had various experiments and we both look after each other. She will always be vigilant and caring if she feels I am in trouble or wasted etc. When we are both out, free and dancing we look after and care for each other like we are the only ones that exist??

Yet away from that and she shows me no emotion, no affection and spends all her time texting her friends. She loves the attention from everyone.

We have 3 kids ( 19, 15 and 11 ) and she says that they are old enough to handle a divorce? To me its like she is going through a phase where she just needs a break from her life but she indicates she never wants to return

After reading this forum I am going a full 180. I am distancing myself, gonna concentrate on me and my kids, minimize contact although we still live together because of convenience and money, no more begging, no more pleading, no more pushing, no more " lets please work on it".

I am tired of crying over someone who wont cry over me. I am moving on and building my own life and if she comes out of this haze, I will be there with open arms and hold nothing against her but I am not waiting, if you get me. i accept that she is done with me and that is a shame because I am a great husband and any woman would be proud to have me on their arm. I am worth more and although I absolutely adore this woman, I love her enough to now let her go and accept that maybe we have run our course.

Now its time for me...

Yet she still stays with me despite it being very simple for her to move out. We had an awesome day together alone where we went out and did stuff etc.

I just don't know. I have only started the 180 but I know I will follow it to the tee 100 percent. The signals are so mixed, one minute she wants out and then the next we are taking it one day at a time??? If she wanted out she could easily make it happen but she says the famous " I love you but am not in love with you ". She also says we have a special love like no other so I don't know. I want her back and I want to grow old with her but for my own sake I believe maybe its too late and I must just move on??
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Old 01-01-2012, 02:22 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is having a mid life crisis

Was part of your "experiments" swinging?
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Old 01-01-2012, 02:26 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is having a mid life crisis

We did have a threesome long time ago but no I wouldn't say so, our experiments are with drugs and clubbing
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Old 01-01-2012, 02:33 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Another thing, she always texts me during the day, virtually every hour but definitely every 2 hours we communicate. Should I 180 that and if so, how do I cool that? Also what does that mean that she still desires to talk with me so much? I never start those texts, she always does
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Old 05-15-2012, 01:41 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is having a mid life crisis

Path, sorry you are going through this. If she wants to separate then give it to her. You are showing signs of strength, which is good but you need to stop feeding her the cake. She is cake eating. Do not reply to her texts, make a game plan to live in different places.

Give her what she wants but do not make yourself available to her. She wants to be a single and free woman, well that's all fine and dandy.. but free woman don't have stbxh comforting them while they ponder there life.

I wish I had the strength to use my own advice.. lol.
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Old 05-15-2012, 04:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is having a mid life crisis

Stop engaging her. Cut her off if itsn't about children. Don't engage in casual banter. You are not doing the 180. Her being upset is none of your concern. If you have to be cruel, so be it. How dare she cuckold you?
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Old 05-15-2012, 06:31 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is having a mid life crisis

Originally Posted by StCroix View Post
My dissadvantage at not engaging her is that I was caught off guard by all this and I'm still trying to figure out how to fall out of love with her. I still crave her attention even though I know its tainted.
time+distance+pain (that you can't let her see)
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Old 05-15-2012, 08:16 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife is having a mid life crisis

StCroix please consider starting a thread of your own. Pathfinder's thread is old and his situation with his wife has improved dramatically than when he started this thread.
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

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