New year, new deal
Every day I tell myself what everyone says here. If he wants to go, let him. You can't change what the other person feels. Do the 180, no contact. I get it, I just can't always do it. After 29 years together and 28 married, the thought of going on without him causes me chest pain, tears and sadness everyday, even after a year. The first part of the year, I thought I could change his mind, we did MC, I did IC.
I am learning that there are things we each carried with us, that the other couldn't live with and we did nothing to change it. I am sorry about that, but realize it did take two people to make a marriage. I need to find a way to move on, still struggling with that everyday. I have a great job, two great kids, lots of friends and family, but I miss him everyday.
I also find things about our relationship everyday that were not right. I just got so used to them, I didn't think about them anymore. My sister said the other day "are there things you don't miss?". Good question, of course there are. I sit her by myself, trying to make sense of the year ahead and my life alone. Just want to go to bed til its over.
Anyway, I am trying to bring in the New Year with hope, will wake up tomorrow and start again. I promised the STBXH that I would not text or email anymore sad stories, made it through today. (Well, if you don't count midnight last night). One day, one hour, one minute at a time. Best wishes to all for 2012