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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 08:30 PM Thread Starter
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Difference in parenting plan in primary physical custody vs joint physical custody ot

So I need to have a few versions of my parenting plan ready to go soon. I have a 50/50 and a 60/40 written up or in the process of being written as they are almost identical.

But, I need a parenting plan with Primary physical custody as my starting point. I'd never win that in court in my state as they just don't do that for anyone who isn't a jailed drug addict or child abuser but there is a slim chance STBX will actually accept it. Deep down shed be happier only having the kids 1-2 days a week tops and enjoying her freedom but I'm expecting her to refuse simply for the financial benefits.

Anyway I need to know how a parenting plan differs when it is written for primary physical custody. Should I just keep my current plan and change the custody schedule to primary?

Or do I rewrite some of the topics, to take into consideration I will have them most of the time? I'd have to look through it to come up with good examples but things like who takes the kids to the dr don't really belong in there if I have them all the time. It would obviously be me and there's no reason to split the responsibility.


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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 09:03 PM
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Re: Difference in parenting plan in primary physical custody vs joint physical custod

You just change the one you have to give yourself more time.

My custody agreement did not say anything about primary or joint physical custody. I stated that we agreed to work together. then listed a schedule that split time 60/40. I had 60%. I think staying away from words like “primary” would be a good idea because it gives the idea that someone lost and someone won. That word can lead to fights.

There were other provisions too like that we agreed to the school our son would go to, who paid insurance, what child support would be, etc.

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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 11:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Difference in parenting plan in primary physical custody vs joint physical custod

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Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
You just change the one you have to give yourself more time.



My custody agreement did not say anything about primary or joint physical custody. I stated that we agreed to work together. then listed a schedule that split time 60/40. I had 60%. I think staying away from words like “primary” would be a good idea because it gives the idea that someone lost and someone won. That word can lead to fights.



There were other provisions too like that we agreed to the school our son would go to, who paid insurance, what child support would be, etc.


I need to include the word primary or joint according to my attorneys office. The mediator will also write it with one of those words if we go to mediation. I'm more lookin to give her a chance to just pick up and go live the life she wants not tied down with kids. I doubt she bites but my other objective is that if I even knock her off balance and wake her up and she starts being a better mom that's an even bigger win.


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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 10:07 AM
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Re: Difference in parenting plan in primary physical custody vs joint physical custod

You need to have everything written down and agreed to.

If you don't trust her to make medical, educational, religious, safety decisions then have that in writing that you have legal custody. Most of the time legal custody is joint, as is physical. However, if the parents are going to fight all the time, sole custody is more common. No judge wants a child's needs constantly fought over. If you have to have joint custody (legal and physical) then you need to have a lot in writing. Everything that is important to you. My ex and I included everything we could think of because then it's off the table for arguing later.

-Our child would only attend schools with certain ratings and must be French-Immersion.
-Until a certain age my ex wanted our child to attend a Montessori school, which cost $10K a year, she paid for that.
-School field trip permission is up to the parent who is scheduled for the day of the trip.
-Must be vaccinated on the correct schedule.
-Until our child could make their own decisions regarding sports/lessons the parent that signs them up pays for the lessons. ie) I signed our child up for t-ball at age 3, I paid for that. My ex signed our child up for soccer at age 3, she paid for that. When our child expressed interest in hockey, we split the cost 50/50.
-Our child was required to be in a rearfacing carseat until age 4, minimum. Followed by a forward facing car seat in a booster until age 8. Followed by a highback booster until age 9. Followed by a no back booster until age 12. Dependent on proper fit in the seat, the seats to be used were also in our agreement.
-Our child was to be raised without religion, neither of us are religious and don't want that crap fed to our child. The exception is if our child wants to incorporate religion.
-Neither parent is allowed to introduce a new partner to our child until at least 6 months of dating has passed.
-Neither parent is to encourage our child calling a step parent mom or dad. If the child chooses to that is fine, but not to require or push it on the child.
-Our custody schedule has changed over time, but has always reflected 50/50. We renew our arrangement every year as our child ages. For example in the beginning we alternated every 2 days. Now we switch once a week. This only works because we live very close to each other.
-For holidays, some parents alternate every year. We share them, for example Christmas. Last year my ex had our child Christmas Eve and Christmas morning until 11AM. Then I picked our child up for the rest of Christmas and Boxing Day. Then we resume the regular schedule. We alternate every year on who gets the child first.
-For Halloween, we go together though that will soon stop because our child will want to go with friends.
-For Easter, this year I have our child on Saturday, my ex on Sunday then back to our regular schedule.
-How to handle certain parenting issues, such as parenting.
-As well as how we communicate, and how changes will happen in the future.

Some things were my decision, some were my ex's. Your life will be a lot simpler if the important stuff is in writing.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 11:09 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Difference in parenting plan in primary physical custody vs joint physical custod

@4sq7 My joint custody one I have written is 20 pages almost. It's got everything int it. I just don't know what gets done differently in a primary physical custody document. I doubt she'll accept it (part due tooney and part due to then having to admit to herself she gave them up) but deep down her behavior has made it clear that she doesn't want them even half the time.


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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 01:04 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Difference in parenting plan in primary physical custody vs joint physical custod

Ok i got my version of it written today. I wrote it including the words primary physical custody. I am leaving her visitation schedule as flexible because that will be one of the selling points. She has already (and this wasn't very smart) said in court paperwork she cant commit to a defined schedule and needs flexibility. That's not going to fly with a judge. But I'm willing to give it to her in the form of me having primary and her taking every other weekend and one week night of her choice provided it does not conflict with any already planned activities be it social, extracurricular or any other that I have set up.

Like I said though, I doubt she bites. I know she would be much happier being able to just take them for a night and play mommy and buy some affection then be rid of them the next day when the responsibility starts to sink it. But the $$ will keep her from being able to admit to that.
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