Re: Difference in parenting plan in primary physical custody vs joint physical custod
You need to have everything written down and agreed to.
If you don't trust her to make medical, educational, religious, safety decisions then have that in writing that you have legal custody. Most of the time legal custody is joint, as is physical. However, if the parents are going to fight all the time, sole custody is more common. No judge wants a child's needs constantly fought over. If you have to have joint custody (legal and physical) then you need to have a lot in writing. Everything that is important to you. My ex and I included everything we could think of because then it's off the table for arguing later.
-Our child would only attend schools with certain ratings and must be French-Immersion.
-Until a certain age my ex wanted our child to attend a Montessori school, which cost $10K a year, she paid for that.
-School field trip permission is up to the parent who is scheduled for the day of the trip.
-Must be vaccinated on the correct schedule.
-Until our child could make their own decisions regarding sports/lessons the parent that signs them up pays for the lessons. ie) I signed our child up for t-ball at age 3, I paid for that. My ex signed our child up for soccer at age 3, she paid for that. When our child expressed interest in hockey, we split the cost 50/50.
-Our child was required to be in a rearfacing carseat until age 4, minimum. Followed by a forward facing car seat in a booster until age 8. Followed by a highback booster until age 9. Followed by a no back booster until age 12. Dependent on proper fit in the seat, the seats to be used were also in our agreement.
-Our child was to be raised without religion, neither of us are religious and don't want that crap fed to our child. The exception is if our child wants to incorporate religion.
-Neither parent is allowed to introduce a new partner to our child until at least 6 months of dating has passed.
-Neither parent is to encourage our child calling a step parent mom or dad. If the child chooses to that is fine, but not to require or push it on the child.
-Our custody schedule has changed over time, but has always reflected 50/50. We renew our arrangement every year as our child ages. For example in the beginning we alternated every 2 days. Now we switch once a week. This only works because we live very close to each other.
-For holidays, some parents alternate every year. We share them, for example Christmas. Last year my ex had our child Christmas Eve and Christmas morning until 11AM. Then I picked our child up for the rest of Christmas and Boxing Day. Then we resume the regular schedule. We alternate every year on who gets the child first.
-For Halloween, we go together though that will soon stop because our child will want to go with friends.
-For Easter, this year I have our child on Saturday, my ex on Sunday then back to our regular schedule.
-How to handle certain parenting issues, such as parenting.
-As well as how we communicate, and how changes will happen in the future.
Some things were my decision, some were my ex's. Your life will be a lot simpler if the important stuff is in writing.