Thank you TAM for exposing my husband - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 02:10 AM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

Normally the advise is to expose at work but in your case (the exception) do not.

If you do not have your own bank account and ask him to have the CS directly deposited from his paycheck. This is a must, do not depend on a. Check or transfer from his account.

This site will give you a good run down on the asset division and child support guidlines of your state State Specific Divorce and Custody Information - Divorce Source.

Focus your actions on establishing a post divorce life. Do not allow him to talk about putting a hold on the divorce. If pushed say "yes we might get back together again but we need CS and custody agreements done first.

Finally yes it is a year cooling off but that does not mean the paperwork cannot be done and agreed to tomorrow.

Be well


How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #32 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 06:19 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

It looks like I might have to hire an attorney afterall. He is trying to pay a very low amount in both child support and spousal support and not willing to help me till I finish school when he can definitely afford it. I really wanted to avoid it at all costs and did my best to work with him but at this point all we are doing is argueing and blaming each other.

He is being very difficult to work with. Wish it didn't have to be this way. He is the one that wanted a divorce. I wanted to work things out and do MC but he REFUSED and then I found out it only took him days to start dating other people after he initially asked for space.

Never expected him to act this way EVER. Do their real personalities ever come back?
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post #33 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 06:46 AM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

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Originally Posted by KrissyR View Post
It looks like I might have to hire an attorney afterall. He is trying to pay a very low amount in both child support and spousal support and not willing to help me till I finish school when he can definitely afford it. I really wanted to avoid it at all costs and did my best to work with him but at this point all we are doing is argueing and blaming each other.

He is being very difficult to work with. Wish it didn't have to be this way. He is the one that wanted a divorce. I wanted to work things out and do MC but he REFUSED and then I found out it only took him days to start dating other people after he initially asked for space.

Never expected him to act this way EVER. Do their real personalities ever come back?
that is their real personality!
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post #34 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 08:15 AM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

The gloves usually come off when money is involved. He wants freedom but he doesn't want it to cost him.

My thinking (after ending a marriage of more than four decades) is that we don't truly ever know what someone is capable of. We feel we totally know them but we don't.
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post #35 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 12:33 PM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by KrissyR View Post
It looks like I might have to hire an attorney afterall. He is trying to pay a very low amount in both child support and spousal support and not willing to help me till I finish school when he can definitely afford it. I really wanted to avoid it at all costs and did my best to work with him but at this point all we are doing is argueing and blaming each other.

He is being very difficult to work with. Wish it didn't have to be this way. He is the one that wanted a divorce. I wanted to work things out and do MC but he REFUSED and then I found out it only took him days to start dating other people after he initially asked for space.

Never expected him to act this way EVER. Do their real personalities ever come back?
As someone else said, THIS is the REAL personality, sorry to say. And YES YES YES HIRE A LAWYER!! Since he is the one causing difficulty, then HE can pay your attorney's fees! DO NOT go into this alone.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #36 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 03:47 PM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

It is not your fault. I cheated and I lost my wife, we are separated and she wants a divorce and to move on. I've been fighting it and through this site realized I was being selfish. If he isn't trying, then it's a wrap and you (like me) need to move on. It sucks, but you'll get through it. You have two kids to put first.

As for not marrying again, I feel the same way even though I'm the one who did wrong. I'm told the pain gets lighter day by day. Good luck.
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post #37 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 04:41 PM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

Of course he's trying to pay a low amount! He needs plenty of money to chase women. He doesn't care about you at all anymore.
You will need a good attorney.
I will say this: until you're living in your own and have to work together pay bills yourself, you have no idea how much money it takes to live and support yourself.
He does. He knows what he makes. So realize that he has to support himself and the kids, too.

You shouldn't try to take everything. But for sure expect him to treat you fairly. Right now, he's worried about himself.
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post #38 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 05:47 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

He only has them 2 days a month. And those 2 days a month he has them he spends it with his girlfriend and her son too. They do everything together. They sleep in the same house together with our kids. We have only been separated a little over a month. He has disrespected me in so many ways. I hate him so much yet still love him. Im not sure why I still do when he is being such a low life

I started 180 last week and he finally started to show some sort of remorse but then early this week i backtracked and he reeled me in and gave me hope ("a lot can change in a year"). Then a few hours later when i tried talking to him again he was being an A-hole again and said he still wants divorce. I started 180 again so i need to do my best to stick with it.
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post #39 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 08:36 AM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

Dont wish to be back with this man. He already has your kids spending time with another woman, an AFFAIR partner...why in hell would you EVER want him again?? He is the lowest form of a man, divorce him as quickly as you can.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #40 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 09:07 AM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

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Originally Posted by KrissyR View Post
My 5 year old has cried multiple times bc he doesnt understand why we are living separately. My husband does not give a **** about his feelings... he literally said "too bad, **** happens" when i told him.
Man, that really burns my toast. If something like that was ever spoken in my presence, I'd have a hard time not laying a guy out for saying something so cold and cruel in reference to his own child. This is pain that HE caused, and he would brush it aside like a hiker waving his hand at a mosquito. If you ever find yourself starting to think that maybe you're being hard on him, remember those words that he dared utter, because when he said it he was letting you know who he really is.

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post #41 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 01:53 PM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

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Originally Posted by KrissyR View Post
He only has them 2 days a month. And those 2 days a month he has them he spends it with his girlfriend and her son too. They do everything together. They sleep in the same house together with our kids. We have only been separated a little over a month. He has disrespected me in so many ways. I hate him so much yet still love him. Im not sure why I still do when he is being such a low life

I started 180 last week and he finally started to show some sort of remorse but then early this week i backtracked and he reeled me in and gave me hope ("a lot can change in a year"). Then a few hours later when i tried talking to him again he was being an A-hole again and said he still wants divorce. I started 180 again so i need to do my best to stick with it.
OMG please just stop.

Someone like this doesn't even know the MEANING of the word remorse.

Please STOP doing the 'pick me' dance. It's degrading and humiliating.

You need to speak to your lawyer about having a morality clause put in your divorce agreement. Many betrayed spouses have had this clause put into their divorce papers and it states that Romeo isn't allowed to have any 'overnight guests' while he's got custody of the children those whopping 2 whole days a month that he's pretending to be their father. I'd be willing to bet he's dumped 90% of their care during those two days onto his girlfriend's shoulders. I doubt he'll be the recipient of the Father of the Year Award anytime soon. What a colossal POS.

Make sure your lawyer sucks this loser dry for everything he's got.

Lastly, do NOT fall for his bull**** phone calls and texts when he's suddenly acting all misty-eyed about 'missing you' and 'missing his family.' Those will likely be ploys designed to soften you up so you're more agreeable to what HE wants to pay in alimony and child support. Don't fall for it. LET YOUR LAWYER HANDLE IT!!!
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post #42 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 02:01 PM
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I agree- let your lawyer handle it, and go dark on him. He does not get to go cake eat w his gf while you wait in the wings. Find someone to mediate all texts/emails/communication with him today. He no longer has access to you at all. Change the locks. He's decided to leave the family, he doesn't get to fence-sit. If it's his turn to take the kids, safely watch them exit your car into his. Refuse all contact directly.

And watch how quickly this scares him into action.
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post #43 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 01:40 PM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

Hope you take his sorry ass to the cleaners!!!
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post #44 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 06:55 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

I have yet to hire a lawyer because I am weak as **** right now. He has somehow successfully made me feel like I want to be friendly with him while he sleeps at his girlfriend's house every night. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I am so pathetic. Starting to ICE him out again (3rd try) because he feels no remorse at all since i havent show him there are any consequences to his actions. It has been really hard for me to stick with it but i need to do my best to not let him make me feel bad for him. The other day he talked for 15 minutes explaining how stressed he was from work and it made me feel so sorry him. Then he tried to talk about what I was up to. And he said he was proud of me for how much i was accomplishing. I should not let these convos be happening! He doesn't deserve to talk to me.

He also told me "sometimes i miss the kids so much i feel like trying to get back with you." It felt like a bullet went straight through my heart. Why would i want to get back together with someone who feels that way? Like wtf
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post #45 of 67 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 08:33 PM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

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I have yet to hire a lawyer because I am weak as **** right now. He has somehow successfully made me feel like I want to be friendly with him while he sleeps at his girlfriend's house every night. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I am so pathetic. Starting to ICE him out again (3rd try) because he feels no remorse at all since i havent show him there are any consequences to his actions. It has been really hard for me to stick with it but i need to do my best to not let him make me feel bad for him. The other day he talked for 15 minutes explaining how stressed he was from work and it made me feel so sorry him. Then he tried to talk about what I was up to. And he said he was proud of me for how much i was accomplishing. I should not let these convos be happening! He doesn't deserve to talk to me.

He also told me "sometimes i miss the kids so much i feel like trying to get back with you." It felt like a bullet went straight through my heart. Why would i want to get back together with someone who feels that way? Like wtf
Just....no words.

Please read my previous post- it was written to help you prevent this. GO DARK. He should have absolutely NO access to you.

Please find your lady balls, like a previous poster said. Talk to a lawyer today.
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