Thank you TAM for exposing my husband - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 03:03 AM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

@KrissyR, he is playing a game of see-saw with your feelings because he is a cake eater. He's using the OW for his fix and you are his emotional tampon. You can stop that by forging ahead with divorce. Remove yourself from the equation. You don't need this noise and petitioning for divorce puts you in a place of action and advantage.


"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #47 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 03:26 AM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

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Originally Posted by KrissyR View Post
I have yet to hire a lawyer because I am weak as **** right now. He has somehow successfully made me feel like I want to be friendly with him while he sleeps at his girlfriend's house every night. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I am so pathetic. Starting to ICE him out again (3rd try) because he feels no remorse at all since i havent show him there are any consequences to his actions. It has been really hard for me to stick with it but i need to do my best to not let him make me feel bad for him. The other day he talked for 15 minutes explaining how stressed he was from work and it made me feel so sorry him. Then he tried to talk about what I was up to. And he said he was proud of me for how much i was accomplishing. I should not let these convos be happening! He doesn't deserve to talk to me.

He also told me "sometimes i miss the kids so much i feel like trying to get back with you." It felt like a bullet went straight through my heart. Why would i want to get back together with someone who feels that way? Like wtf
Krissy, you are not listening to any advice here at all. Why on earth would you spend 15 minutes of your time with this man who has treated you so terribly. You owe him nothing! You are wasting your breathe. He has you wrapped around his little finger. Stop it for God's sake!
180 him, keep it professional, no contact except via email. You are being a doormat. Why would he treat you any differently when you yourself don't have enough self respect to cut him off and out of your life?
Remember you teach people how to treat you and that is exactly what you are doing. Time to get on your big girl panties and fight tough. Take it one day at a time but stick to the plan. No more niceties, you need to heal and move on. You need to be strong and resolute for your kids.
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post #48 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 08:45 AM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

So is this the relationship you want your kids to have when they grow up and move out? Do you want them to have a partner that treats them this way? Your kids are watching, and learning by YOUR example. Imagine someone doing this to one of them, and them responding the way that you are. How does that make you feel? What would you tell them?

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
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post #49 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 01:38 PM
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Krissy, tell him ONCE to only contact you by email about kids and finances before you get a lawyer. No more answering his calls and texts. Block his number. Block him online. Turn off your phone if you have to. Then check your email once a day and only respond to anything he says about kids and finances.

You're giving him far too much power over you. You're opening yourself up for heartbreak every time he feels the slightest bit bad about what he's done when there is no chance of him working on the marriage. No contact means no new hurts. Put yourself first here.
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post #50 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 10:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

I absolutely agree with what everyone is saying. I start icing him then become weak when he says he wants to have a good co-parenting relationship. I dont have the right balance of being a good co-parent and being able to respect myself. I've always put him first when it comes to our marriage and he took that for granted so now I need to focus on ME and what I want for myself and the kids. He knows i have a weak spot for him and he constantly uses that against me. Please pray that i keep the strength to stand up for myself and my kids
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post #51 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 11:16 PM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

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Originally Posted by KrissyR View Post
I absolutely agree with what everyone is saying. I start icing him then become weak when he says he wants to have a good co-parenting relationship. I dont have the right balance of being a good co-parent and being able to respect myself. I've always put him first when it comes to our marriage and he took that for granted so now I need to focus on ME and what I want for myself and the kids. He knows i have a weak spot for him and he constantly uses that against me. Please pray that i keep the strength to stand up for myself and my kids
He sounds incredibly manipulative, they are hard to break up with. Since you can't go no contact as you have kids with him, I'd go as limited contact as possible. Literally only discuss the kids, the divorce, etc...when he contacts you. Don't contact him. I'd remove him from facebook and other areas where he can get at you. He will play endless head games if you let him. If he wants to start talking about other things other than the kids, to get you to 'be his friend,' just say ''I have to go, thanks for calling.'' He doesn't want to be your friend, he only wants to use you on his terms, and as others have said ''cake eat.''

You got this. You are stronger than you might know. Sorry you are going through this.

''Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time.'' - Unknown
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