It's been awhile since I posted. I have done a good job doing limited contact for the past few weeks. I only text back if its about the kids/finances. I do not answer phone calls unless its a scheduled call for the kids. He has tried to get me to call him to talk about kids/finances but i aIways tell him that he can text me whatever it is he wants to talk about. I wanted to avoid phone calls with him because he says really mean things to me and i didnt want to put myself in a position that allowed him to do that. Now he has started the rude/angry texts. I've been good at not responding to them but yesterday we really got into it.
He has the kids this weekend so I asked if he would respect my wishes to keep AP away from our kids (a reasonable request that a lawyer suggested i tell him). He didnt give me an answer that gave me clarity so i told him that if he doesnt agree to it then he will have to drive to me to see the kids (we live 3 hours away). He flipped out and was telling me I can't control what he does and how he is trying to be civil but I am rude when i speak to him and he loves the kids so much and he shouldnt have to be punished just bc he doesn't do what I say or want to stay married to me. He said "i thought you would understand that".
ALL I TOLD HIM WAS TO KEEP AFFAIR PARTNER AWAY FROM KIDS.
He successfully reeled me into the angry conversation 😕 We were texting back and forth. He was blaming the separation on me bc "i changed completely on him" and he never went behind my back to cheat bc he waited till we separated to start a relationship with his AP (his coworker and also my "friend"). i was telling him to stop lying and he wanted separation bc of what started out as an emotional affair. He says he has a "clear conscience". In the end it was a pointless convo that just let him know he can still get under my skin.
Also he feels like he has the right to video chat them almost every night. I do let him when it works with my schedule. Should I continue to let him do this every day? The only day he doesnt try is sunday bc he doesnt work thay day and is with AP. He only calls when he is at work (before he leaves to AP's house).
It is so hard to coparent with a selfish a-hole! Ughhhh! How do i become INDIFFERENT faster??!
He's playing mind games with himself because his miniscule conscience is tearing him up. He doesn't want to be known as the filthy, lying, low character cheater that he knows he is. THis is why it's best to never talk to trash like this. All they know how to do is spin, spin, spin their rotten lives so that it sounds to an onlooker that they aren't the scum they really are.
My ex's mother actually told me that lots of women cheat on their husbands to get the courage up to leave them. I actually showed her the damning twitter posts she was making that showed what a lying, despicable cheat she really was. Full of foul language and things like "I should go to the front of the line at buffets with ***** this good" and "can't wait until 12 turns 18 and brings his friends over, always wanted to be a MILF"......
My point: Low-lifes like your husband can spin anything to make it sound like they aren't what they are---- a cheater.
I could tell you a way to reach indifference faster, but I won't because it's not the right way. It will make you feel like ****.
So I will tell you this: Endure the pain. Learn to love the pain. Find a new hobby, take some classes to further your career or job opportunities, and meet some new friends. Dedicate your entire existence to your children and making your life better. Your mind won't have time to dwell on your ****ty ex husband.
I see the video chat thing with my gf's ex and how he manipulates her schedule and makes her feel guilty and then uses the video chats to manipulate her children and ruin their day.
DO NOT feel guilty about not letting them video chat on HIS SCHEDULE. He is with another woman. He's chosen to abandon his kids and his wife, which he swore to honor and cherish. He is following the script in getting angry as hell when you show some backbone and not tolerate his despicable behavior.
Spend your days worrying about YOU and your KIDS. Never spend one minute worrying about his feelings. He damn sure isn't worried about yours.
YOU WILL GET PAST THIS. I promise. But you've got to move on and keep moving on. Then you will reach indifference and you will 99.9% likely meet another man that you will fall in love with and be in awe of the fact that it is possible to love a new, better man MORE than you are currently in love with your husband.
You'll make it! Good luck.