Thank you TAM for exposing my husband - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:59 AM Thread Starter
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Unhappy Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

Husband and I were together for almost 6 years, married 3 and he wanted a separation a month ago out of nowhere. I have been staying at my parents house 3 hours away since and we have 2 young kids. I definitely own up to the part I played to get here (nagging/not meeting all his needs/jealousy), but i didnt think it was enough for all this to transpire. When he acted the same way a few years back he begged me to work on it and so i loved him enough to stay. We were doing really well till he got a job promotion and we had to move where we knew nobody. I always supported him in his job endeavors. He put all his effort into providing for his family and its a big reason i loved him. What made me so down is he started focusing too much on work. He worked all day then came home and talked to coworkers on the phone instead of me so i started to feel negative towards him.
Since we have been separated i have been working on myself and reading all these marriage books even though he told me he didnt love me anymore and he was emotionally done. I stayed positive even though he was acting cold and distant.
I read the posts on TAM obsessively and saw that the way he was acting, there is probably another girl. I didnt want to believe it bc we had so much love for each other. He WAS such a loving and respectful man. I denied it and tried to stay positive for a few weeks. But after my kids came home from the weekend at his place, they told me they hung out with a female coworker of his that i used to have jealousy issues with before. I looked through our bank statements and **** started adding up. Today I finally confronted him and he admitted he was seeing her and another woman. He put all the blame of our marriage failing on me and said he doesnt feel bad at all. I was so freaking heartbroken. I was trying so hard and being so nice that I was practically being a doormat. But thank you to these forums I finally realized what was going on and had the courage to confront him. None of the separation made complete sense to me but i see why now. I believe he was having an emotional affair before he said he wanted the separation. He denies it but u dont just start feeling feelings within a week after u separate. I would have NEVER believed it. Spouses are so sick. Never will have respect for him again.
If your spouse wants a separation out of nowhere, please BEWARE! Ask questions and confront them! It has been so painful bc i was working toward a R but now its a done deal. I let him control all the boundaries of the separation and listened to everthring he said bc I loved and trusted him. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN NOW before you realize ur just wasting ur time and energy on a piece of ****

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post #2 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 01:52 AM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

I'm sorry for what you are going through. This is hard, really hard.

Do you own the home he is staying in?
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post #3 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 02:19 AM
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Cool Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

Repeat after me:

Request for either Separation or Trial Separation = Probable Physical Infidelity

No further explanation required!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #4 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 03:05 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

Never in a million years would I ever thought this would happen to us. He has always been my best friend. He is a changed man now so I dont even know who I am looking at when I see him anymore.
We lived in an apartment but he is staying there bc I dont want the memories of the place to haunt me. I would rather be with my parents who have been so supportive anyways. I still have yet to get my stuff out though.
Not sure what my next step is. I doubt i can afford a lawyer and STBXH wants to do mediation. He knows he is willing to pay financially for everything. Just sucks bc i dropped out of college to watch our newborn and support his job/goals. Ive been a SAHM for 5 years with our 2 kids. He is willing to not work on our marriage and just see the kids 2 days a month (he only has 2 days off a month from work).
My 5 year old has cried multiple times bc he doesnt understand why we are living separately. My husband does not give a **** about his feelings... he literally said "too bad, **** happens" when i told him.
Never marrying anyone again ever. How can you trust them?
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post #5 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 03:13 AM
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Cool Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by KrissyR View Post
Never in a million years would I ever thought this would happen to us. He has always been my best friend. He is a changed man now so I dont even know who I am looking at when I see him anymore.
We lived in an apartment but he is staying there bc I dont want the memories of the place to haunt me. I would rather be with my parents who have been so supportive anyways. I still have yet to get my stuff out though.
Not sure what my next step is. I doubt i can afford a lawyer and STBXH wants to do mediation. He knows he is willing to pay financially for everything. Just sucks bc i dropped out of college to watch our newborn and support his job/goals. Ive been a SAHM for 5 years with our 2 kids. He is willing to not work on our marriage and just see the kids 2 days a month (he only has 2 days off a month from work).
My 5 year old has cried multiple times bc he doesnt understand why we are living separately. My husband does not give a **** about his feelings... he literally said "too bad, **** happens" when i told him.
Never marrying anyone again ever. How can you trust them?
Tell Him in response that not only does "crap happen," but so do vicious family law attorney's fees, property division, alimony, and child support payments!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #6 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 03:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

Also the female coworker my husband is "seeing" got left by her husband a few years ago. You would think she knows how it feels but I guess not. She used to try to be so friendly with me and we hung out a few times. Now she and my husband backstabbed me. Thats my life!!
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post #7 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 03:20 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

Yeah he doesnt care about paying out money. He just wants to live the single life with no responsiblities other than providing. He just wants to be able to screw any female he wants without feeling guilty he is married. We didnt even have a bad sex life. He blames the way is acting on me.
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post #8 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 03:31 AM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by KrissyR View Post
Never in a million years would I ever thought this would happen to us. He has always been my best friend. He is a changed man now so I dont even know who I am looking at when I see him anymore.
We lived in an apartment but he is staying there bc I dont want the memories of the place to haunt me. I would rather be with my parents who have been so supportive anyways. I still have yet to get my stuff out though.
Not sure what my next step is. I doubt i can afford a lawyer and STBXH wants to do mediation. He knows he is willing to pay financially for everything. Just sucks bc i dropped out of college to watch our newborn and support his job/goals. Ive been a SAHM for 5 years with our 2 kids. He is willing to not work on our marriage and just see the kids 2 days a month (he only has 2 days off a month from work).
My 5 year old has cried multiple times bc he doesnt understand why we are living separately. My husband does not give a **** about his feelings... he literally said "too bad, **** happens" when i told him.
Never marrying anyone again ever. How can you trust them?
Krissy, so sorry for what you are going through
This man is no longer the man you married. He is blaming you because that is what cheaters do, they do not take responsibility for their own actions.

Make sure all family, his included knows what he has done.
You should consider letting his work place know such as the HR department. Surely his OW colleague knows he is married with kids.
Talk to a lawyer, of course he wants mediation, do not let him call the shots on the seperation and divorce, he wants it as easy as possible, don't let him control the situation.
Go 180 on him, go to IC, take care of yourself, move on with your life and kids.

The fact he only wants to see the kids twice a month tells you all you need to know about your WH. He is not husband or father material. He will regret this but it will be too late.

He is in cloud nine with his new OW, the dream will crumble but hopefully you will be long gone by then and have somebody in your life who cares for you.
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post #9 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 03:56 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

Thank you for the feedback. I def want to do 180 and just take care of myself and kids for now.

I am so dissapointed in myself for trusting him. I always had a weird feeling about her and he always promised me there was nothing between them. He is her boss so he even assured me he wasnt stupid enough to be with someone from work and risk his job. Look at him now. I have thought about telling HR but we have way to many bills to pay. Especially all those dates he is going on to expensive places. He even gave the OW his bank card so i see all the purchases being made on my bank statement.

Feel like I am in a freaking dream right now. I cant believe this is my real life
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post #10 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 06:36 AM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by KrissyR View Post
Thank you for the feedback. I def want to do 180 and just take care of myself and kids for now.

I am so dissapointed in myself for trusting him. I always had a weird feeling about her and he always promised me there was nothing between them. He is her boss so he even assured me he wasnt stupid enough to be with someone from work and risk his job. Look at him now. I have thought about telling HR but we have way to many bills to pay. Especially all those dates he is going on to expensive places. He even gave the OW his bank card so i see all the purchases being made on my bank statement.

Feel like I am in a freaking dream right now. I cant believe this is my real life
I would just get the divorce done asap while he is feeling generous. And get a lawyer it's very important remember you have to take care of your children.

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post #11 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:08 PM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

So sorry your having such a hard time but really all you have to do is be patient and see what karma dishes out to him. It won't be long when he realizes that he threw away a nice home for a promise of a lascivious sex with unknown females then he'll want to come back. Take care of yourself and your children and protect them from his selfishness. Be weary when the partying stops, he'll want to come back and that's when you need to guard your heart.

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post #12 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 05:06 PM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

I am so sorry your husband did this to you

Please realize that HE did this, NOT you. In your first post, you say you take responsibility for not being the perfect wife. As you should. But PLEASE realize that is a separate issue - TOTALLY separate - from HIS cheating. He made the choice to cheat - HE did that. People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Have you seen your dr yet? You need to be tested for STD's. Also, please take care of yourself, make sure to eat and sleep. I know it's hard with kids to take care of too, but you need to. Do you have family you can count on? My parents were a godsend when I left my first husband - I had a 4 month old, a 2 year old and a 4 year old.

Just take it one day at a time. I am glad you're calling him your soon to be EX husband - that is as it should be. Be strong.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
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post #13 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 05:35 PM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by KrissyR View Post
Never in a million years would I ever thought this would happen to us. He has always been my best friend. He is a changed man now so I dont even know who I am looking at when I see him anymore.
We lived in an apartment but he is staying there bc I dont want the memories of the place to haunt me. I would rather be with my parents who have been so supportive anyways. I still have yet to get my stuff out though.
Not sure what my next step is. I doubt i can afford a lawyer and STBXH wants to do mediation. He knows he is willing to pay financially for everything. Just sucks bc i dropped out of college to watch our newborn and support his job/goals. Ive been a SAHM for 5 years with our 2 kids. He is willing to not work on our marriage and just see the kids 2 days a month (he only has 2 days off a month from work).
My 5 year old has cried multiple times bc he doesnt understand why we are living separately. My husband does not give a **** about his feelings... he literally said "too bad, **** happens" when i told him.
Never marrying anyone again ever. How can you trust them?
your last sentence-

many of us feel the same way, but hopefully not every one cheats.
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post #14 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 06:17 PM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

Time to get him to foot part of the bill to get you back into college as well... part of your mediation.

5 years worth at least...

नमस्ते 🙏
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post #15 of 51 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 08:31 PM
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Re: Thank you TAM for exposing my husband

He seems to want to be single really bad. Give him that freedom but at a high price. Get as much money as he needs to take care of his two kids. Any family law lawyer can get you what you and your children rightfully deserve and ditch the mediation attempt he wants to throw at you. You may mediate, but not before a consultation with a lawyer educates you on what you are entitled to have for the kids and their well being. You will surprised just how much you can gain with his need to have his freedom.

Take advantage of that and take advantage of a lawyer's consultation. You may very well end up needing one anyway. Don't trust your STBX! It is in your best interest not to trust him as he is indeed a different man and you don't want to mediate with this stranger who has no feelings for his children, let alone his left behind spouse.

Please find the money from wherever you can. You can pay it back once your get the financial things straight when you divorce.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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