going home....
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-02-2012, 08:03 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 21
Default going home....

our divorce will happen next week...great, new year and a divorce .
We were married for 22 years and had ups and downs....he was stationed in Germany when we met got married and left for the states in 1991 . my husband was all these years in the army either active or reserves...In 2007 he had to go to Fort Bragg NC for just 4 weeks for training and as it so happened he met someone there came back home and said that he did not want to be married anymore...well , I fought for a while but I had no chance so we started the divorce stuff and I left for Germany to start my life over...the day I got there he called me and begged me to come back saying he made a huge mistake and so on ...well , I did not come back right away and he came to see me 2 months later and kept begging saying that he could not live without me and needed stability in his life....I went back a month after he came to visit me .
We started to rebuild our marriage which was hard and I freely admit that I had big trust issues after that ordeal....jump to 2011husband got transferred to new city with his company we found a nice place to live which was hard because at that time we had a big dog (Labrador) but we succeded and rented a nice 3 bedroom apt......everything was going great but in august we lost our beloved dog which even now I could still cry just thinking about her...anyway , late October my hubby tells me that he is not sure that he wants to be married anymore and the famous sentence "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" came out of his mouth , I also heard that in 2007 , from there on it's all a blurr...he went to an attorney and filed for divorce a few days later....after much investigating , of which I become very good at , I found out that there was another woman...big surprise , not !!!
All I can say that he is in that "affair fog" ...I can't believe that this is happening again after he promised me the moon and the stars in '07 ...this time it's worse because the OW lives right here in the same city and not 500 miles away he is so blinded...all I know is that she has been married twice lives on the alimony from her last husband which ends this coming October and she has a criminal record....she's looking for the next atm machine I think but stbxh does not wanna hear it .
He says he wants to stay in contact with me when I'm in Germany and we will see what happens in the future...I think he wants to keep me warm in case this doesn't work out...I know from other people that they already had big fights .Well , he would have to move to Germany because I'm not coming back again!!!Don't get me wrong I love living here but after everything he put me through I'm so done you can stick a fork in me . It will be hard after 20 years to start over and I'm scared but it just has to work out , right .I've been with this man for over 23 years ...still have to get used to saying that I'm single .
What I don't get is how he can just meet his so called"soulmate " in a bar when he was there to meet a client .
It'a all very confusing .
Germangirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-02-2012, 08:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 19,433
Default Re: going home....

Has he been living with the OW for a few months? I doubt it will work out so don't be surprised if he comes back.

I can understand you being so done with him now.

Are you in much contact with him these days?
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-02-2012, 08:55 PM   #3 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 312
Default Re: going home....

It sounds like your husband hates being alone. (Also sounds like he's a dog.)

This fling will likely not work out, and he will be begging you again. You know all you need to know about him now. You weren't wrong in going back because you needed to know this about him so you can move on.

And it is time to move on.

I'm sorry. It really sucks...
Janie is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-02-2012, 08:57 PM   #4 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 21
Default Re: going home....

as far as I know he is not living with her...he moved out the week before thanksgiving and I have no idea where he is staying at....also , she pays for everything...we separated our money but still have the joint checking account , for the longest time he did not take any money out only when he got gas did he use the debit card .
Why would a woman pay for everything??? My sister in law says that it's an investment for her but who knows what he told her stbxh tends to stretch the truth a lot .
We have a little contact, he's coming back tonight from a trip with her which was planned the week they met to meet her family .
Germangirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-02-2012, 09:05 PM   #5 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 21
Default Re: going home....

yeah , you're right...he can not be alone.
I mean , how can a person go from a long term marriage and jump into a "relationship" (if you can call it that) just like that..
Germangirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-02-2012, 09:45 PM   #6 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 19,433
Default Re: going home....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Germangirl View Post
as far as I know he is not living with her...he moved out the week before thanksgiving and I have no idea where he is staying at....also , she pays for everything...we separated our money but still have the joint checking account , for the longest time he did not take any money out only when he got gas did he use the debit card .
Why would a woman pay for everything??? My sister in law says that it's an investment for her but who knows what he told her stbxh tends to stretch the truth a lot .
We have a little contact, he's coming back tonight from a trip with her which was planned the week they met to meet her family .
Is he coming back to your house after this trip? Do you know her address?


Do you live in a no-fault divorce state?
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-02-2012, 10:47 PM   #7 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 21
Default Re: going home....

I know where she lives and I also know that my ex rented a new apt. in town in which he moved in just before the trip.....he doesn't know that I know because he still tells me that he will move back in here when I'm gone....LIAR....
yes, we live in a no fault state .
Germangirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-04-2012, 05:01 PM   #8 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 21
Default Re: going home....

found out today that this coming monday is our date in court to get divorces .
I know it's for the better....but I feel so sad and scared about the future...why do I feel this way?
23 years with this man and he turns around finds someone else and just dups me like a old piece of furniture...I know all this is not my fault he is the one with the problem and charakterflaws.....nonetheless, I thought I would grow old with this man....who is gonna be there now for me??
Germangirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-04-2012, 05:17 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
rome2012's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 497
Default Re: going home....

Gosh....I feel so bad for you !!!

He's wishy washy just like my ex-dh....

Big Hugs from a German girl to Germangirl !!!
__________________
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Reinhold Niebuhr

rome2012 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-04-2012, 06:13 PM   #10 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 21
Default Re: going home....

thanks...sorry for the typos...I meant "divorced" and "dumps" me like an old piece of furniture
Germangirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-04-2012, 11:48 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Washington State
Posts: 30
Default Re: going home....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Germangirl View Post
found out today that this coming monday is our date in court to get divorces .
I know it's for the better....but I feel so sad and scared about the future...why do I feel this way?
23 years with this man and he turns around finds someone else and just dups me like a old piece of furniture...I know all this is not my fault he is the one with the problem and charakterflaws.....nonetheless, I thought I would grow old with this man....who is gonna be there now for me??
I thought I would grow old with my ex as well, we spent the last twenty years together and I thought for the most part it was good until his EA and stalking adventure sent us in new directions. I will miss him dearly though, even through the pain, because it made me realize how much I do love him. It is sad, indeed. Our divorce was just finalized.

Just take it one day at a time.
Endgame is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-05-2012, 12:05 AM   #12 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 19,433
Default Re: going home....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Germangirl View Post
found out today that this coming monday is our date in court to get divorces .
I know it's for the better....but I feel so sad and scared about the future...why do I feel this way?
23 years with this man and he turns around finds someone else and just dups me like a old piece of furniture...I know all this is not my fault he is the one with the problem and charakterflaws.....nonetheless, I thought I would grow old with this man....who is gonna be there now for me??
How old are you? You might very well find someone else who treats you very well.
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-05-2012, 12:28 AM   #13 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: NJ
Posts: 21
Default Re: going home....

I'm 42
Germangirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-05-2012, 12:34 AM   #14 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 19,433
Default Re: going home....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Germangirl View Post
I'm 42
Oh, you are young... surely young enough to find a new relationship.
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-05-2012, 01:13 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 30
Default Re: going home....

His so called "soulmate" is not much so if she is willing to break up a family and start a relationship based on lies.

Hold your head up high, and don't despair.
akira1 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Do you eat home cooked meals at home regularly? southbound The Social Spot 61 06-01-2012 11:11 PM
My husband just said hes never coming home to this home! blueskies30 Going Through Divorce or Separation 24 12-16-2011 03:11 PM
Divorce, Refinancing Home, and First-Time Home Buyer credit Santofimio Going Through Divorce or Separation 3 11-30-2011 02:46 PM
Whan home is not home tm84 Coping with Infidelity 31 11-16-2011 03:28 PM
My 32 y/o step son (who does not live at home) tells me what I can't do in my home dragonslayer General Relationship Discussion 40 05-27-2009 11:54 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:21 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.