anyone wonder why they got married?
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Going Through Divorce or Separation » anyone wonder why they got married?

Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-02-2012, 10:13 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
JAYBLACK973's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: NEW JERSEY
Posts: 58
Default anyone wonder why they got married?

it burns my a@% that i spent 16 years with my wife and now i question myself as to why?.. i know that i shouldn't question it but i cant help it. i don't want to be hateful or resentful towards her like she is towards me. lately i've been asking myself why am i the only one asking these questions. when i talk to her its just like talking to a stranger. she doesn't take responsibility for her actions when i have manned up and wrote a full page apology and asked for forgiveness and she is the christian of the family but she doesn't practice or know what unconditional love is. i want to believe that we were together for a reason and it wasn't because of her being ill for most of our relationship and it was a challenge to go through it. if you have a sick spouse then you know what i'm talking about.. its a lot of stress and not knowing if they will live or die and you try and do all you can to help them and then your told that you were never there for that person. the only thing i'm thankful for is not having a child with her and going through this. the only good that came from this is my connection with prayer and religion. its like i want to just shake the hell out of her and say, hey your throwing 16 years of marriage away because of hurt feelings and things that you held onto for years and were unwilling to tell me because you thought that i wouldn't care, really?. .my wife is selfish and only now do i see it. although i don't want to be without her, i just cant understand why she wont try and save her marriage when she feels that divorce is wrong. i don't really want to date anyone especially while not being divorced and i don't want to be one of those people who looks at marriage as something awful because it really isn't. i sometimes wonder if its a midlife crisis. i had a early midlife crisis at 35 and only now am i coming out of it at 40. i'm 40 and she is 37, how much longer does she think we are going to be on this earth. i have 2 children that are in college and i want to see them get married and have families of their own and maybe get to play with my grandchildren. its like why not file for divorce, i'm just tired. this is a sh@#$y place to be and i'm the only one who cares.... sorry, just needed some stress relief...

Last edited by JAYBLACK973; 01-02-2012 at 10:23 PM.
JAYBLACK973 is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-02-2012, 10:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Freak On a Leash's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: The Jersey Shore
Posts: 2,361
Default Re: anyone wonder why they got married?

Yep, every day.
__________________
D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
Freak On a Leash is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2012, 10:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 10,405
Default Re: anyone wonder why they got married?

I am sorry you are in pain and frustration.
__________________

One day can change your life. One day can ruin your life. All life is is three or four big days that change everything.
that_girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2012, 10:53 PM   #4 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 16,574
Default Re: anyone wonder why they got married?

Perhaps you need to let her know beyond a doubt that if she does not work on the marriage with you that you want a divorce.
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2012, 05:17 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
canguy66's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 592
Default Re: anyone wonder why they got married?

Sorry you're going through this. I'm also going through my personal hell right now.

To answer your question, I know why I got married. Simply put, I loved my wife dearly and wanted a future with her, and to grow old with her. Fast-forward 7 years, and she tells me she's not sure of she ever loved me, that she was in love with the idea of marrying someone like me, but not me as a person. That hurt, as if the past 7 years have been a charade. I don't regret the good times we've had, but so much for hoping "nothing lasts forever" didn't apply to us.
canguy66 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2012, 11:14 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 171
Default Re: anyone wonder why they got married?

It is sad when I read posts like this-I have been thinking this myself at times lately. I guess the way I deal with it is to believe that when I got married, I never thought things would end up the way they have with my husband. I felt like we would be together for always and that the time and effort, children and lives we shared were "living life" and worth every second spent on each other and our family. When I found out my husband was cheating on me; yes I felt every single day that I had wasted 25 years on this man and for what? To be treated like sh*t and have him be intimate with another woman? I try not to go there too much because it is so depressing to think that the years were wasted. So look at it as a phase of your life-and not everything works out the way we plan it to. Things sometimes go wrong and the very best thing to do is to move on, learn the lessons and make tomorrow a better day. Hope things get better for you~
5Creed is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2012, 02:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 187
Default Re: anyone wonder why they got married?

I know exactly why I got married. I loved my husband with heart and soul. He quit and apparently he quit many years ago and didn't bother to tell me. So, I am sure I got married for the right reasons just didn't know I was marrying a self centered, selfish _______.
madaboutlove is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2012, 09:05 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 462
Default Re: anyone wonder why they got married?

like freak says, every freaking day i wonder.
67flh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2012, 11:33 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Freak On a Leash's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: The Jersey Shore
Posts: 2,361
Default Re: anyone wonder why they got married?

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Dean* View Post
And if you and Freak met the right man, you would most likely do it again
ABSOLUTELY NOT. No more marriage for me.

But I'll take a roll in the hay and some good times. Then go back to your own place and take your toothbrush with you.
__________________
D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
Freak On a Leash is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2012, 12:58 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 462
Default Re: anyone wonder why they got married?

dean, don't wamt nothing to do with meeting another man, that would make me a switch hitter,homey don't play that game.
67flh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2012, 03:17 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
canguy66's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 592
Default Re: anyone wonder why they got married?

I would marry again. In fact, I hope to. Despite being in 7-year marriage that is ending in a lot of pain, I have learned a lot about myself, what I offer, what I can accept, and what helps make a marriage work.

Personally, I feel I have a lot to offer to the right woman. Even my stbxw says I'm a great catch (but not the right man for her). I am looking forward to sharing love, intimacy, laughter, experiences and more with someone new, eventually. But not now... way to much healing to do.
canguy66 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2012, 03:37 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
cherokee96red's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Mousetown, Florida
Posts: 609
Default Re: anyone wonder why they got married?

Quote:
Originally Posted by madaboutlove View Post
I know exactly why I got married. I loved my husband with heart and soul. He quit and apparently he quit many years ago and didn't bother to tell me. So, I am sure I got married for the right reasons just didn't know I was marrying a self centered, selfish _______.


That right there about sums it up for me. Too bad it took 25 years to see that.
__________________
I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
cherokee96red is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2012, 09:44 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 187
Default Re: anyone wonder why they got married?

ahh and 28 for me.
madaboutlove is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-19-2012, 09:26 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 173
Default Re: anyone wonder why they got married?

My current situation of separation/pending divorce has seriously made me question the whole concept of marriage altogether. The fact that divorce is such an easy option in this day and age, combined with all the "equal rights" stuff makes it seem pretty pointless to me; for too many people vows mean very little. With the easily available divorce back door, the whole thing to me has been reduced to a worthless paper exercise.

I'm actually getting, if there is such a thing, a "good" divorce; it is very fair indeed. But all the reading around on these and other boards, I feel I am in the minority. I have no desire to have any more kids, so I can't really see why I'd ever commit on paper again. I'd love to have a great, loving relationship again one day....but I just don't see what signing a bit of paper and making vows that can easily be broken (and potentially being taken to the cleaners) really means these days.

In times gone by, people had real hardships, reasons to stick together. Today, in the "Entertainment Tonight" culture we live in, many people have a slight disagreement, become "So miserable", blame it on the other spouse....and pull the plug without a second thought. People really don't know what the meaning of miserable is these days...we've got it too easy.

I don't wonder why I did get married...but getting divorced and having my eyes opened has really changed my whole mindset.
worrieddad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-19-2012, 09:48 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 116
Default Re: anyone wonder why they got married?

Quote:
Originally Posted by worrieddad View Post
My current situation of separation/pending divorce has seriously made me question the whole concept of marriage altogether. The fact that divorce is such an easy option in this day and age, combined with all the "equal rights" stuff makes it seem pretty pointless to me; for too many people vows mean very little. With the easily available divorce back door, the whole thing to me has been reduced to a worthless paper exercise.

I'm actually getting, if there is such a thing, a "good" divorce; it is very fair indeed. But all the reading around on these and other boards, I feel I am in the minority. I have no desire to have any more kids, so I can't really see why I'd ever commit on paper again. I'd love to have a great, loving relationship again one day....but I just don't see what signing a bit of paper and making vows that can easily be broken (and potentially being taken to the cleaners) really means these days.

In times gone by, people had real hardships, reasons to stick together. Today, in the "Entertainment Tonight" culture we live in, many people have a slight disagreement, become "So miserable", blame it on the other spouse....and pull the plug without a second thought. People really don't know what the meaning of miserable is these days...we've got it too easy.

I don't wonder why I did get married...but getting divorced and having my eyes opened has really changed my whole mindset.
If you think marriage is just a piece of paper and not worth it...Just think if you don't even have that as a small blanket of security when committing to someone.
Like everyone else here, I'm going through my personal hell right now as well, but I still like and love the feeling of being married, the sharing of resources, and the legality of the document.
It's not the document or the sacrament's fault that people are crapping on it.
I, myself is healing, but I will never swore off marriage. I fought for this one, and finding the right person, I will fight for the future one instead.
ProfJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I'm married but going through a separation and she wants to stay married juce88 Considering Divorce or Separation 5 08-14-2013 08:42 PM
If you are married to a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who... Remains Coping with Infidelity 11 03-13-2013 01:46 PM
To All Married Couples and Singles Who Intend To Get Married Chris H. General Relationship Discussion 5 11-16-2009 01:35 AM
young and happily married married but.... pinkprincess General Relationship Discussion 5 11-17-2008 04:43 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:17 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage