My husband is a “functioning alcoholic” and just wants to party, have fun, drink like he use to when he was 35 years old (his exact words).
Why after 23 years of unhappiness (as he told me on Christmas Eve) he couldn’t be honest and just tell me he wanted someone else?
Being with this man for 23 years married for 19 he couldn’t get the courage to tell me he wanted a divorce, he waited for me to take the first step.
After 15 yrs of marriage he started an affair on FB of which I did not know about until 2 ½ yrs later by just happening to pull the phone records which showed me the countless minutes and hours that they spent sharing their personal lives with each other all behind my back. When I finally confronted him, of course he told me that it wasn’t an affair, etc. it was like a “fantasy” for him and that it wasn’t meant to be sneaky, however he did admit that they had talked about getting together to spend the rest of their lives together. He said that he really wanted our marriage to work and that he would put in 150% and do whatever it would take to stay together including counseling and getting tested for STD’s (of which I was diagnosed with 2). With me knowing all of this, it turned out that he had put his name on several dating websites, had correspondence with the “ladies” on craigslist. Well it only took 1 year and he was back at it, this time it was with a women at work, the daughter of his boss, 20 yrs younger than him who has 3 kids and a husband (whom also works there), with the owners being her father and grandfather whom my husband works for both. She had the nerve and audacity to sit next to me at a party for 3 hours and had the nerve and audacity to come at sit at our table during his company Christmas party without her husband. I know the whole family. My husband is a mechanic/crew chief on a race vehicle that runs in the desert, which would take him out of town for long weekends and would party till the sun came up, be at the bars in town until 4 a.m in the morning as the story goes. He did not want me at these races because I did not fit in, and when everyone asked where I was he would tell them that “this is not her kind of thing” “she doesn’t like all the dust and dirt”. He was like the leader of the pack for all the younger (20 to 30 yrs younger) sons, pit crew guys/gals that went with. What married man acts like this, please tell me?
He was served with divorce papers on a Monday, that day he went out and got a new phone and would not give me the phone number for over 2 weeks I was told to email him if I needed to contact him. That Friday they met up and partied till all hours of the nite at which her husband tried texting my husband, probably looking for his wife. (I wondered how long it would take for him to catch on as to who it was that she was texting all night) It is my understanding that she is unhappy at home and wants out but is having a hard time because of the kids. This being said, I believe her dad talks to my husband about it like he is trying to help her through her difficult time, but her father hasn’t caught on that it is in fact an affair and my husband is not her “friend”, its more than that.
The people at work do not know that this is going on to this day (to the best of my knowledge) except for maybe her husband. It is very hush, hush. They talk and text all day at work and into the late nite hours. We own 2 homes and this all goes on when I am out of town or we are apart. When we were together, it stops monentarily but not for long. He or I could pull out of the driveway and they are back communicating. I guess this isn’t sneaky either.
What kind of 53 yr old man does this, I ask you men out there, puts his wife and mistress at the same table at a Christmas Party. Why not be the “standup guy” he says he is and say you are not happy?? There were years that he did not work and I paid all the bills, including the payments on his toys.
Now almost 2 months into the divorce proceedings, he brings her to a Nascar event (thankyou National TV) This was a safe haven for him & her they thought. Just how do you explain the suntans?
I ask myself, where are those kids and her husband? How does a mother of 3 sneak back into the house at 5 A.M.??
On Christmas Eve he was very intoxicated and said things to me about our life. His eyes were evil and the words coming out of his mouth were beyond hatred for me. I knew at this point it was over. On New Years Eve, very intoxicated again, he told me how f’d up his life was at work (and I am thinking, ya, you got yourself in a real bind down at work I bet) and proceeded to tell me that he might get fired but did not say why. I just put 2 & 2 together.
So within 2 weeks I took it upon myself and filed. It broke my heart to do this, in fact I was so scared I was shaking, but if I didn’t, I would just be made more of a fool, I would be more ashamed of myself and the humiliation because I know this whole family I just needed to end this. Just 6 months ago (and many other times) he stood in front of a group of people and said “I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for my wife.
As of today, he does not know what I know. I just figure why tell him, it doesn’t matter anymore and he could care less.
Please tell me out there, what do I do with myself?? I have no money…I feel scared, I hurt so bad and I just cry.
This is all just so sad because it did not have to end this way. I am not looking for sympathy, I am just trying to understand in my own mind. After 23 years together, he has just dis-owned me like over- night. Tell me, how can people just move on that fast??
Your input would be greatly appreciated.