Ok folks, It's been a week since I moved out. I gave her the space she asked for and I got drilled for shutting her out! Last night she asked me to take the dog because she can't give him any attention. Well my reply was "whats next our son?" I am having second thoughts on my leaving and coming to the conclusion maybe she should have left. I know taking the dog away is going to hurt our son, my leaving has already hurt him enough don't you think? I really don't know what to do at this point but take things day by day. I love and miss my family and this separation is so hard, no sleep, can't eat, etc. Her work is so demanding of her right now that it's starting to affect her health, she has lost enough weight that she actually looks unhealthy. She comes home late, has to take sleeping pills to sleep and who knows what else is going on. I do not believe she is having a physical affair but an emotional affair I'm not so sure about. Any advice or words of encouragement would be great to hear, I so need something positive right now.
Location: Temporary Resident of Earth Lord Only Knows Where Next
Posts: 5,593
Re: whats next?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sirch
Ok folks, It's been a week since I moved out. I gave her the space she asked for and I got drilled for shutting her out!
She is obviously confused, unsure and frightened by this all. Weight loss, self medication, changing positions…… It all adds up to she doesn’t know what she wants. Since you’ve moved out already I suggest you stay there for now. Continue to give her space but let her know you are there for her. Lack of emotional support is what got you here in the first place. Show her you are there for her now. If she leans on you, listen, listen, listen… Then ask questions. Don’t jump in with solutions, promises or statements of undying love. Be the strong one as she moves through this. That is likely what she needs. Stay strong.
Thanks Amplexor, you are correct about the lack of emotional support. I have been so caught up in trying to save my business that I really did not pay enough attention to the important things in my life. It really is hard trying to do the right things now only to be shot down and told no or I am too busy with work. The direction she is taking at this point is only going to lead to a nervous breakdown and distance herself from our child. I just hope that I am not putting effort into something that is not going to survive.
Location: Temporary Resident of Earth Lord Only Knows Where Next
Posts: 5,593
Re: whats next?
Don’t go into this with a defeatist attitude or it will fail. Believe that you can reverse this and put all your efforts to it. If in the end the marriage does end then you will have the piece of mind that you did all you could to save it. For a spouse to come back after they have detached is an arduous feat. Give it time and effort for you both.
I am not into this with a defeated attitude, sorry to sound that way. I love my wife but it is hard to have a positive attitude when I don't know from her if what I'm doing is having a positive affect. Your certainly correct that I will have piece if mind knowing that I gave this relationship my best shot. The hurt that our son is going through is not good for him and she should try a bit more in my opinion. Her being crabby after a long day is no reason to scold him because of simple things (like losing his house key). I have talked to him and reassured him this situation is not his fault and to try and be positive as well, but he is still a young boy that wants his mommy and daddy together.
Location: Temporary Resident of Earth Lord Only Knows Where Next
Posts: 5,593
Re: whats next?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sirch
I love my wife but it is hard to have a positive attitude when I don't know from her if what I'm doing is having a positive affect.
Dont be overly alarmed by this. Many spouses who disconnect will not give any signs that they appreciate the others efforts. They are detached! Give it time.
Well, I took the dog with me like she asked. She seemed to be happy about that, it's kinda nice to have something to talk to in the evenings! We spoke on the phone talking about it and she did say something to the affect " it's only temporary", I sorta took that as a sign that maybe things will turn around. Of course it could be just my emotions playing tricks on me. Anyway, I did feel better and actually got some sleep last night for the first time in a week.
Location: Temporary Resident of Earth Lord Only Knows Where Next
Posts: 5,593
Re: whats next?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sirch
We spoke on the phone talking about it and she did say something to the affect " it's only temporary", I sorta took that as a sign that maybe things will turn around. Of course it could be just my emotions playing tricks on me.
It would be wise not to put too much emphasis in this statement from her but it is a good sign. She is not settled in her mind yet. Continue to support her and ready to communicate with her when she is ready. Practice patience in this. You didnt get here overnight, you wont recover that quickly either. Good luck.
Hello folks, I had a good night last night. After taking our son to b'ball practice me and my wife talked and cuddled for about an hour. She actually told me she doesn't want a divource, that made me feel good. We have a big date planned for the 31st, formal affair and we both are excited about it. I emailed her and told her to pack an overnight bag and to wear something sexy under her dress. I plan on getting a nice hotel room for the evening, I sure hope all goes as planned.
Just an update for you all, Haven't gone to the ball yet that's this sat. I did have to have a colonoscopy today though, it made it better because my wife did take me, being the nurse that she is. I think she still does care. Well we got back home and actually took a nap together. You don't know how good it felt to feel her in my arms! Here's the big thing, when I woke up I went looking for her and realized she went to the gym. I went into the office and found her mailbox open. I did snoop and I think she may be having a affair with a doctor, cannot be sure how far things went but I think now I know why the sudden change and detachment behavior over the last month or two. Right now I'm playing it cool, not enough evidence, but I believe my gut instinct was right all along. I was really excited about this weekend and she seems to be too, but this revelation has me really turned upside down. Should I go through this big date and continue to be sneaky or what?
Hiya Buddy, its been a week now since my wife left me and if i can give you some advice, and itll be hard to take.........stay away from the emails, you know carry on with the weekend and concentrate on HER, concentrate on the little things (this is what i believe i missed) SHE should be your life, basically dot on her for the whole time you are togeather, this is your chance to make up, build and improve what you did have. Ive just come here because its part of my healing process and i try to stay focused on that my wife and i are going to be better than ever.....and you should too!
Thanks kiwi, the support I recieve here is great not to mention therapuetic. It's with the advice from all of you I get that helps me stay focused and grounded. My wife actually asked me to come over this evening and watch a movie with her, too bad I'll have to leave and make that hour drive afterwards. It would be nice to wake up and take our son to school. Oh well baby steps right?
whats next? 
