Originally Posted by alwaysconfusedandlost View Post
i just wrote this - i'm thinking of sending this in email to her - any feedback?
"I hurt you, I betrayed your trust. I made the safe place that is home into a place where you feel trapped alone, without any support and help. I ignored or minimize your feelings with my ignorance, I tried to find fixes instead of listening. I have been a terrible person, and a terrible husband that is not worthy of you. Just realizing that I have been continuously doing this to the person I love is a terrible realization, and has woken me up. I have found a new therapist whom I am seeing on Friday, my focus is on controlling my anger, and seeing a different perspective that I have been missing for a long time. My goal is to rebuild (if it can) what I have so stupidly thrown away.
For many good reasons, you have asked me to move out. What I will do is move to the basement, and stay out of your way, give you space. I do this as the family is my responsibility as well, I will continue do my fatherly duties, and I will continue to work on the house, do my part, but the home will be more peaceful this way. I will co-parent, and not be an absent one.
Over the last 20 years, nothing has made me more content and happy than the family I have grown with you, while I have not expressed it as often, all of you ground me in life, and I could ask for nothing more. While I live life with few regrets, what I have done to you has become my biggest. "
Do not send that email. It's good to admit your faults, but that self flagellation in there is at a level that makes me uncomfortable. Let's see what others have to say.
If she is trying to set you up to get you out of the house, that email would be a great bit of evidence for her to show the police. You are basically admitting to domestic violence in i
While you are thinking of moving to the basement, wait a bit for that.
Let's clear up some things that are not completely clear right now.
You say that you threw dishes.
When did you do this? What other angry, destructive things have you done? How long ago did you do these things, how often? Make a list of the things that you did so that we have a very clear image of what you have done.
How often do you yell at her in anger? When have you done this?
How often have you put your hands on her in anger? Hit her, pushed her? Etc? And when did these times happen?