Find One's Self Again - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 04:30 PM Thread Starter
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Find One's Self Again

Before I started dating my husband my life was complete and I was happy and had no worries and no negativity in my life. Things have changed in my life and I am not sure if it is for the best besides having a child which is a blessing for me. The one and only problem in my marriage that is a threat is my husbands family and I mean all of them, beginning with his mom whom is the one that started all the trouble with her first visit. Which she never brought to my attention and things just escalated. I have defended myself the entire time as you all know these coward men seem to lack courage and loyalty to the person they marry. At the end of it all, I am the bad guy for standing up for myself. Clearly they cannot handle me. After my apologies to them for a potty mouth they still have not spoken to me nor have attempted. At the end of it all, I could now care less about having them as a family or being accepted by them. Which I think is now bad, because now I am wanting out of my marriage. I will have to find myself again and this time with a child. I would have to learn again. Life is too short for negativity and stress. Suggestions or Thoughts...


Last edited by Solo_is_Best; 04-18-2017 at 04:38 PM.
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 09:50 PM
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Re: Find One's Self Again

Yes life is to short for unhappiness.

Does you wife stand up for you at all? what has she said about how her folks behave?



You do matter!
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 10:17 PM
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Re: Find One's Self Again

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Originally Posted by Solo_is_Best View Post
Before I started dating my husband my life was complete and I was happy and had no worries and no negativity in my life. Things have changed in my life and I am not sure if it is for the best besides having a child which is a blessing for me. The one and only problem in my marriage that is a threat is my husbands family and I mean all of them, beginning with his mom whom is the one that started all the trouble with her first visit. Which she never brought to my attention and things just escalated. I have defended myself the entire time as you all know these coward men seem to lack courage and loyalty to the person they marry. At the end of it all, I am the bad guy for standing up for myself. Clearly they cannot handle me. After my apologies to them for a potty mouth they still have not spoken to me nor have attempted. At the end of it all, I could now care less about having them as a family or being accepted by them. Which I think is now bad, because now I am wanting out of my marriage. I will have to find myself again and this time with a child. I would have to learn again. Life is too short for negativity and stress. Suggestions or Thoughts...

Hi @Solo_is_Best

Thanks for your message. I'm really sorry for what you're having to go through.

Before I go on, I honour you for speaking your truth in the midst of the challenging circumstances with the in-laws. It's never easy but good on you for doing so. There are lots of women who, in the same situation, would just suppress their feelings and emotions in the interest of keeping the peace but in the long run, it rarely works.

The first question I have for you is - what is your relationship like with your husband? Forget the in-laws for a second and just think about the relationship. Is it a loving one? If you could provide some info here, that would be great.

Secondly, you are right - life is too short but just remember that pain is sometimes a really good thing. It's easy to want to avoid it and think that the grass is greener on the other side, but on many occasions, it really isn't. Especially when there are really important lessons to learn. If those lessons aren't learnt, life has a funny way of bringing in new experiences that serve as a teaching tool until you've passed the test so to speak. I'm not suggesting this is whats happening here because I don't have enough info to be 100% sure, but I have seen this happen a lot though, hence it's important for me to mention this to you.

This is one of those situations where you truly have to honour your intuition here. My guess is that your in-laws will always be in the mix because of your child - am I right?
There also needs to be some considerations of how you are feeling with your husband and the impact it will have on you both should you decide to separate.
Then there is the impact on your child for separating as well. I'm a firm believer that being stuck in a 'dead' marriage can be even more harmful than separating - but if your relationship is actually going well (apart from the in-laws), then that changes things.

So anyway, just some food for thought.

I hope this all makes sense and if you have any further questions, please let me know.

Thanks
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 10:51 PM
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Re: Find One's Self Again

I was unhappy because I had no shoes until I saw a man with no feet. My in-laws were all alcoholics. Violent ones at that. When my parents met them, my mother-in-law hit one of their guest over the head with a bottle of Whisky and opened up a gash. I think the guy was having sex with my mother-in-law by the way they were talking and reason she hit him. My parents were shocked. I never once saw them drunk and they are mild mannered. My wife's three brothers are all alcoholics too. One was also a drug addict who died a few years after we married. Had to keep an eye on things we owned when he was around. He was arrested twice for robbing his parents' home. The other one was arrested in a very public, front page headline, way. He too died young. The other one married an alcoholic woman and lives in a cabin deep in the woods of some State. Plus my sister-in-law was 5 years old and we had to shelter her from her parents. I was told she is a menopause baby since she was born very late in her mother's life.

Try dealing with people who will take the slightest remark the wrong way and get violent about it. I could not argue with my in-laws for fear of bloodshed. Luckily they both died before we were married 5 years. I ended up taking a job transfer to a State far away in our second year of marriage to get away from them. They were hated by their children who were scarred for life and all neighbors and anyone who knew them.

My wife's parents were both only children so no aunts or uncles to deal with like in my large Italian family. We only have her sister who we moved near 7 years ago. My wife still shows fear in her eyes if I say I do not like something she did. I hate when I see her like that. She is better now than she was when we first married. That is when if she thought I was thirsty or hungry, she would offer to get me a drink or food. She was afraid to displease me. Luckily I love her so much and am easy going. Some other guy could have taken advantage of her and make her a wife slave. So those are my in-laws. I guess I am luckier than you because mine were all gone within the first 5 years of my 44 year marriage. We lived 2,500 miles away until they were all dead and then went back to NYC. When you marry, you marry your spouse's family so all you single people out there, keep that in mind.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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