blueskies30

My husband quickly moved back in after I spend the whole xmas weekend with him. He said through text only 2 hrs after I left that he already missed me so much.

Now he has been back at home since 12/30. He has recently gone back to work after the long holidays. It is the 3rd day he is back to work, so I'm trying to get back in the grind of making dinners nad assuming the wife role. Our kids are not used to him being home yet. They assume he is at "his" house when hes working. HIs first day back to work(tuesday) I unpacked all his stuff and had a happy day. He was very happy when he got home and gave me a honey I'm home kiss.

He has said he is calling off the divorce, but I have gotten no word on that. NO proof from the courts, just proof that he has not done it yet. I have many mnay doubts about his intentions. I told him the sooner he tells his atty to stop divorce the more $$ from the retainer he can get back. He borrowed the retainer $$ from his mom and will be paying it back with a retention check he is cashing today. I told him that less $$ would be coming out of his retention check if he stopped the divorce ASAP.

Yesterday I got an email from his atty, which proves he has not called his atty yet. Final orders has been set and pretrial is in a month. He said he would call his Atty on the way to dinner last night. We were meeting at a place with 5cent deals on hamburgers on Wednesdays. (he wants to get back into our routines) At dinner I asked "what did your atty have to say?" He said he left a message since his atty leaves at 4:30. I have no way of knowing if he really called or not.

Later in the night I did let him know when pretrial is(I was not sure if he read his email, I know he gets the same notices as me, at least I think) and that mediation was to be scheduled soon.

I'm having a hard time trusting him with this divorce still in the picture. I made a marriage counseling appt for Friday the 13th(of all days). My Husband does not know its so soon, but with this divorce thing still here I'm afraid my fears are going to push him aways nad we will start fighting and being unhappy again. I asked last night if he still wanted to go to marriage counseling(he has only 12 weeks left of work before he is laid off) He said he did, but he did not want to miss too much work or he might not make it the full 12 weeks and that he wants to stash as much $$ as he can before our cruise. We are planning a cruise for March 25th, possibly booking it tonight since he is cashing his retention check tonight.

In all fairness my Husband could be telling me the truth that he has not had a chance to call his atty yet. My husband works long hours on a government very high security job.

I'm just finding it very very hard to get going on my wifely things while he is at work. I'm supposed to be taking the xmas stuff down and storing it again. I'm sure it will not be a big deal if its not done when I told him that was my plans after the kids went to school. They just went back today.

I know he wonders what I'm doing all the time. I get constant texts from him "what r u doing" When hes home he does not like me on FB or texting a lot. I understand that he wants me to give him more of my attention. I was not giving him my attention before because I felt the need to get everything done all the time and could not sit still unless it was FB or texting, plus he was always playing his video games for sometimes up to 12 hrs at a time.

We have both vowed to change. He has not even hooked up his game system yet, but he does play games on his Iphone, but usually he will engage me with his game of Jeopardy or something like that. He is much much more helpful and involoved with our children. We do family things now as well as couple time together wihtout our kids.

I have vowed to change things too. To change it back to the way things used to be before we started falling apart which was about 6 years ago. There was no FB or texting back then, I had no home businesses keeping me busy, I spend lots of time with him, I cooked and baked. I am still on FB he has not said he wanted me to delete my acct. I'm mostly on FB for my Autism support group(our kids have autism). I'm not on FB very much when hes home, but do check in. I have 1 girl friend that does text me a lot, but so far not enough to upset him. He actually posed as me texting her on xmas eve before moving back in.

I had told my husband that I would start baking again is he would in return make love often. I have not started baking yet, but our love life has started and he inititated. I told him I would start baking after things settled down with him back home. Now that I know divorce has not been stopped I will tell him I just don't feel comfortable enough to bake until I get a letter from teh court that divorce has stopped. He also mentioned that I close my personal checking account since I won't be using it. If its mentioned again I'll tell him I will close it when I know divorce has for sure stopped, so that I know I won't have to reopne one.

My husband is a huge procrastinater and its sometimes hard for me to know when he is procrastinating or when he is making excuses because he is unsure whether he needs the divorce or not. I know he is deeply afraid that we will fall into our old paterns again and then he will need to spend $$ on divorce again.

He said this weekend that he is suprised we are back together after everything that has gone on. I'm really suprised too. I know we still have alot of work to do and some of the healing and full trust can not start to build for me until his atty is not a factor any more

Mindful Coach

Explain to him that as much as you want to work at improving your marriage - giving it your whole heart and soul, that you feel the impending Divorce is blocking it. It may be that he has fears too and is unconsciously keeping the divorce on the table just in case it doesn't work out.

__________________
Best,
Tracy
Couple's Conditioning
Inspir3.com

blueskies30

I agree with you on that. I'm sure he is keeping the divorce on the table because he is afraid it won't work out, but I'm feeling time is running out. FEb 7th is pre trial where I am required to be there and he is not. Final orders is March 7th!!

I hope he agrees to go to the counseling session on Jan 13th that I just made yesterday. I have not told him its been made, but it is on the calendar. I would have liked to set the time of the appt later on that day, so he didn't have to lose so much work, but the latest it could be was 3:45. I'll have to tell him that in light of these new orders being scheduled and newly living together again...that we need to go to this appt.

I'm sure only at MC can I freely talk about how the divorce proceedings won't allow me to fully trust him and move on from the hurt and to our better future.

My husband text me while he was at lunch today that the school called him to let him know the kids all made it to school today. This is the first day back to school. The school has never done this before. So I find it really fishy. I'm thinking his lawyer had called the school and asked them to call the childrens father to tell him the kids all went to school alright. I didn't get a phone call from the school at all. My husnand said it was really weird. I asked him if he thought that maybe his lawyer could have asked them to do that cause they have never done that before. I didn't get an answer back from him. He was heading back to work from lunch when he had text about the school calling him.

justwhy

Can you call his lawyer and let his lawyer confirm it with him?

blueskies30

HIs lawyer is not required to tell me anything that is confidentual between him and his cleint, so I doubt that will be a route to go.

I've decided that I will let my husband know this weekend that we have a marriage counseling appt on friday the 13th. Even though last night he said he didn't want to take many days off of work because he fears gettign laid off sooner. He is required to work on Saturdays now and is taking this saturday off and a few days ago was talking about taking this friday off, but I advised him against it. So now its just his BS about not wanting to take days off. I think he can get off early on friday the 13th to attend marriage counseling.

blueskies30

As far as the school calling my husband to let him know the kids made it to school ok....

I'm going to talk to the school tomorrow and find out if they received any orderws from teh court or my husbnad lawyer.

I have not let the school know that the restraining order has been lifted. So if they know about it they have to have been told by my husbands lawyer or if they don't know then they kind of broke restraining order by giving my husband info about the kids.

I'm feeling like I am being monitered now by his lawyer.

blueskies30

Also while putting away paperwork of my husbands on Tuesday I ran across his financial worksheet. There is lots wrong on it. My HUsband is claiming to be over $1,ooo in the whole every month, claiming to be paying house payment which he is not because we are giving our house up. Also that I made $22K in 2010 which is wrong wrong wrong. I know for a fact his lawyer does not have our tax return info because our bankrupcy lawyer has it. I also know I did not make 22K on a home business I had. At most I made 18K and then after tax deductions I made 2K. All this is to get me as little as possible for child support.

When I first found all this info I was not going to let it bother me because if divorce was called off as my husband told me he was doing, it just would not be worth fighting over because of its non-issue. BUt now it is all a worry because HE HAS NOT FIRED HIS ATTY YET!!!

I had a lengthy conversation with his mom and she sees this my way. Where my FIL yesterday thought the lawyer was a great guy.

My MIL is for my Husband firing his ATTY. She knows the legal system too and I let her know that I told my husband that I needed to get in the mail a notice from teh court that divorce is off

justwhy

i think you need to talk to him about stopping the divorce.. when your husband comes home both of your call the lawyer and leave a message stating that he wants to stop the process and please call him back to confirm his decision.

Twofaces

Hmmmmmmmm........ Maybe he moved back in because his lawyer told him to get back in the house....

You need to demand that you call the lawyer togather on speaker phone. Dont give him warning of this in advance, just do it. He could be pulling a fast one on you, but i am suspicious of eberything right now......
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blueskies30

I'm suspisiuos too. My husband claims he has already called the lawyer. He even told me that he will only get about $200 back from the retainer fee. Of course I'm still very unsure that he has called at all. He does not like it when I talk about anything about the divorce, sort of like I'm talking about bad debt.

My husband is a very strange man and even his mom agrees. I am in constant contact with his mom and his dad. His mom is more supportive of my worries than his dad is. His mom does not tell my husband about anything we talk about, even though some of the things make her so angry!!

Right now if there is something I need my husband to know like paperwork of some kind, I will leave it out in plain view and so far that is working. So I checked the mail from yesterday and have an envelope addressed to me from his lawyer. I already know its about the email I got about final orders date and pretrial date. I have left the envelope in plain view so he is thinking about the divorce lawyer, but I'm not bringing it up. Anything that causes my husband stress he will procrastinate.

I have made a Marriage counseling appt for us on Friday the 13 that I have not told my husband about yet. I will let him know this weekend. He is way more open to talk about issues that really make him feel nervous in wiht our counselor. He always feels better after our counseling

Eli-Zor

Your husband is leading you by the nose , the divorce could have been stopped if he wanted to . In a months time what will you do then ?
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Twofaces

What is in the envelope addressed to you from the lawyer? Did you read it? If not, do so immediately.
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blueskies30

notice of contested final orders date set

blueskies30

We will be going to our counselor on Jan 13th

justwhy

the session is only an hour... you need to talk about it, you can't rely on the session to bring up touchy subjects with your husband. If your can talk about sex & everything should be up for discussion