Getting dissected and twisted...
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-09-2012, 10:02 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
cherokee96red's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Mousetown, Florida
Posts: 605
Default Getting dissected and twisted...

not me, physically, but every one of my words.

Seems as though STBXH has become quite the intrepreter, nay, even mind reader when it comes to me and what I communicate. DD is also displaying this "talent", more so since she is now residing with him. A simple Happy New Year, hope you get all you deserve wish has been scrutinized and a dark, sinister meaning attributed to the word "deserve". I will admit that I do have a sarcastic streak, always have, but am trying oh so hard to rein it in.

I'm getting ever so tired of explaining, even defending my word choices. Is there a dictionary available for the betrayed spouse to refer to when communicating with the wayward cheater?

I practice the 180, keeping any contact with him to the subjects of financial obligations and children. Also try to only respond not initiate.

Suggestions or thoughts here?
__________________
I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
cherokee96red is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-09-2012, 10:06 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 136
Default Re: Getting dissected and twisted...

Maybe you shouldn't speak to him unless you have to. I am not bashing you if in fact you said that sarcastically, but if it WASN'T sarcastic, then WHY would you wish your cheater well anyway? ESPECIALLY when it might be taken wrong, if you didn't mean for it to be (since you are known to be sarcastic)?
Dellia is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-09-2012, 10:33 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
cherokee96red's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Mousetown, Florida
Posts: 605
Default Re: Getting dissected and twisted...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dellia View Post
Maybe you shouldn't speak to him unless you have to. I am not bashing you if in fact you said that sarcastically, but if it WASN'T sarcastic, then WHY would you wish your cheater well anyway? ESPECIALLY when it might be taken wrong, if you didn't mean for it to be (since you are known to be sarcastic)?
I only speak (text or email only) to him when spoken (contacted) by him and not every time. The new year's greeting was a simple response to one he had sent me. Everyone in the family wants there to be a level of civility in any communication we have, especially the kids (both grown now). I am trying to do so but it is extremely difficult when my meaning and intention are questioned every time. Guess maybe that's the price I'm paying for my somewhat sarcastic nature and view on things. I am not quite the same person I was even just a few months ago. I just wonder why it is so difficult for others to acknowledge that and extend me the benefit of the doubt?
__________________
I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
cherokee96red is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-09-2012, 11:59 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 88
Default Re: Getting dissected and twisted...

Don't take it too hard. He is probably just channeling his guilt by making it appear like you are the terrible one with the mean spiteful character who ruined the marriage, and you are still as mean as ever. And he will continue to point out other "faults and terrible" things that you are doing to him because it will help him to feel better about his lowly scumbag self. In his world, he is good, innocent and a victim of you. You are the perpetrator.
Suemolly is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-09-2012, 12:05 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 136
Default Re: Getting dissected and twisted...

Quote:
Originally Posted by cherokee96red View Post
I only speak (text or email only) to him when spoken (contacted) by him and not every time. The new year's greeting was a simple response to one he had sent me. Everyone in the family wants there to be a level of civility in any communication we have, especially the kids (both grown now). I am trying to do so but it is extremely difficult when my meaning and intention are questioned every time. Guess maybe that's the price I'm paying for my somewhat sarcastic nature and view on things. I am not quite the same person I was even just a few months ago. I just wonder why it is so difficult for others to acknowledge that and extend me the benefit of the doubt?
I understand what you're saying I'm just saying that you might be giving him opportunity to belittle you, to make himself feel better of course.
Dellia is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 01-09-2012, 04:07 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
cherokee96red's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Mousetown, Florida
Posts: 605
Default Re: Getting dissected and twisted...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Suemolly View Post
Don't take it too hard. He is probably just channeling his guilt by making it appear like you are the terrible one with the mean spiteful character who ruined the marriage, and you are still as mean as ever. And he will continue to point out other "faults and terrible" things that you are doing to him because it will help him to feel better about his lowly scumbag self. In his world, he is good, innocent and a victim of you. You are the perpetrator.
Yes, I am such a mean, spiteful person. So mean that I haven't told the finance company where he took our truck to so they could repo it. Yep, mean, spiteful, vindictive, just the very essence of evil.
__________________
I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
cherokee96red is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Twisted Cyber Affair Playtrip Coping with Infidelity 146 12-14-2011 02:26 PM
Things have taken a twisted turn andromeda Relationships and Addiction 1 08-16-2010 02:59 PM
A long twisted story.. advice please! mdcorbin The Men's Clubhouse 4 10-20-2009 11:00 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:16 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.