Stood up to the stbxw
This morning I stood up to the stbxw when she called to talk. She asked me why she was the one talking about things, and I wasn't talking to her. I told her because it was her decision for the divorce, that I never gave up loving her, I didn't abandon us. That it kills me physically to not be able to see my kids every day. That it's the hardest pain I've ever had to go through. That I can't be there to support her emotionally, I have to be there for myself right now. I told her that I hope that in her life she never has to go through what I'm going through, to feel look back at your past and wonder if what you did or didn't do caused all this. I then told her that I think about the future, how we used to have hopes and dreams together, now they are gone. I then think about the person that she will eventually date, and wonder what is it about that person that entices her, that she can't see in me. It felt so good to say all this (while still being respectful). I think she wishes I would bash her, call her a name, something that would be easier for her to accept, than for me to still be the same guy I was. In a strange way I think she kind of respects me for standing up to her. I also resisted the urge to ask her how she was doing. I told her that I'm not going to beg for her to come back, that i'm not going to plead. I don't need to beg someone to love me. I have more respect (now) in myself. Im pulling away, starting to stand on my own two feet. That scares her because she probably thought I would still be here to emotionally support her. The kicker of it all is when I told her that "I don't have a wife anymore, I realize you are not coming back to me. You are not the same wife I knew" Then she said, "Well I don't have a husband." Are you fricking kidding me? This was your choice to discard me like yesterdays trash. Not mine!!! She even still has the gaul to tell me that her and the other guy are just friends. That down the line I will meet someone. I told her I'm no where ready to meet someone. I told her that I don't even think I could talk to someone of the opposite sex right now a "just friends." I think that got her when I said that. She is not used to me standing up to her lately. Plus I think only thirty days into it she still thought I would be begging for her to come back, saying I miss her. She is so messed up in her own little world right now that maybe what i told her now won't affect her, but down the line it will. I don't care though because what I said today was not for her, it was for me!
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