So, since NYE have not called, emailed or text STBXH. For several months contact was limited to emails and only when necessary. I've gone "dark" on Lieceratops, MIL, and most of the rest of his family. As each day passes this way, I feel a bit stronger.
Then this evening, I get an email from him that says:
"Just to let you you can call me I never said you couldnt"
Started chuckling, at first quietly, then a lit bit louder and I'm still laughing.
I am fighting the oh, so strong urge to reply. Instead, I'm gonna make my replies here 'cause I really don't want to waste the words. So here goes:
1. Really? Why would I want to call you?
2. No, you never said I couldn't call you just that you didn't want to be married to me anymore.
3. Why? Isn't Trampasaurus Wrecks calling you?
4. What's the point?
Have to admit that I'm feeling a bit of a power surge at the moment, a semblance of control, the "upper hand" if you will.
I confess though, that if he were to apologize, beg my forgiveness and cry for me to take him back.... NAH! Not happenin'!
Got a much longer email from H this am. Gave me an update on DD, which I already knew because I'm talking or texting with her on a daily basis, so that part was not really necessary.
He made an attempt at understanding how hard this all has been on me, financially and emotionally, to which I can only say he has absolutely no clue as to the depth of the hurt, pain and anger I have been enduring on a daily basis.
Wants us to communicate verbally. Would appear to my silence to him, even the electronic variety, is starting to bother him. So be it. I am struggling with my resolve not to respond to him in any medium. He, in effect, has cut me out of his life and I'm trying to do the same.
Could really use some reaffirmation, even cheerleading that I am on the right path for this. Anyone?
Only got a minute to post but WELL DONE U!!!
I applaud you for be so strong. Your first post really made me smile. Wish I was as strong as you.
Xx Posted via Mobile Device
Others may perceive the strength, but few realize that inside I'm battling the temptation to crumble like an old, block wall. I must confess that tears are being shed, not because I want to forget and bury all that he has done to me and is putting me through. Gawd, it is so hard to not give in right now and reply to the latest email. But I keep telling myself that everything I want to say now has already been said, that it made no difference then why would it make a difference now.
He thinks he that I will still be his "friend" but he has to realize that he sacrificed that priviledge along with his marriage to me and for what, an easy piece?
With what I've been through in 2009, with the brain tumour and surgery it'd be somewhat comforting to me to think that he made this choice to lose me this way rather than what could have been the alternative. Though that seems selfish on his part. I've always said there would be but 2 ways to end our marriage, either death or cheat on me. He knows how I feel about cheating, no tolerance for it.
When he says "it is what it is" I hear "I did it and I refuse to try and fix it." So now I say "it is what it is, deal with it."
No, no, no, hold out as long as possible. Any information he needs can be given to him some other way. I agree with the friend thing, that is a very big privilege that was lost in this process. My H has been traveling with one of our sons, arriving home tonight and all I want to do is text him a welcome home. Then I realize, he isn't coming home. Then I think, I can go sit in the parking lot at his apt. and see him, then I remember that he doesn't want to see me because if he did, he would come home. So I am here, trying to hang on until his arrival is over. I can do this and so can you!
Over 24 hrs since the first email and I'm pleased to say that I have not responded. Halfway expect to hear from either DD or DS as to why I won't answer STBXH. DD has been asking if I have called MIL yet. Nope to that as well and have not been in any form of contact with other members of STBXH's family save one and he and his wife are the exceptions in that family. I reached out to all when I extended holiday wishes and solicited their contributions for the family book. Hate to see my future grandchild deprived of knowledge and possible connections with them but they are making the choice here, not me.
Thanks for the strength, nay, reassuring posts!
They are most appreciated.
"Your strength gives me strength." Ok, that's a quote from "The Mummy", my fave movie.