Re: I miss him...But...
Synthetic: Thankyou for the positive feedback. Of course my ultimate goal is for my H to come back, i think we are a long way off that yet though, but as this goes on i feel i am becoming stronger and hopefully will be able to deal with the outcome whatever it may be.
Had a bit of a wobbly morning as i decided to sit down and sort out the finances. My H has NO interest in money whatsover!! He has opened a seperate bank account but insist that my wages and his wages should still be paid into our joint account and that I am to decide home much miney to give HIM every month!! Crazy eh? So ive been trying to do that this morning. Ive told him im not too happy with the arrangement as it still means that i am in control and responsible for the finances, which i always have been and he said hes not bothered, as long as hes got enough money for living expeneses and a couple of ££ in his pocket, i can have the rest!! I think we will just have to see how this goes.
apart from that ive been ok. Spent my first night away from home last night (due TO work) since October. H stayed at my house with the kids and it went ok. When his EA was going on he used to txt her constantly when i was working my evening shifts, and from the phone bill i cld see that he wld txt me goodnite then carry on txting her, and in the morning he wld txt her before he txt me. So returning to my normal shift patterns has been really difficult for me. Work have been amazing. I am supposed to do 3 sleep outs a week, but they have given me a 3 month window where i only have to do what i am feeling up to doing. I have decided to try 1 sleep out a week to start. My anxiety was very low and i coped well. I was proud of myself. H kept in contact by txt and i rang him at 10pm and it was ok.
So this week i am continuing to try and push the negatives to the back of my mind, and focus on the positives. I still have a lot to be thankfull for in my life. 3 great kids, a good job, a home and good friends, oh and my H, who is hopefully starting to become my best friend again!