So we talked. He said friendship is all he can give me right now. He's sorry for hurting me and truly cares for me but that's all he can give. We both cried. He was visibly upset.we spoke about divorce. Neither of us us ready for that yet. We spoke about finances. Money is a bit tight but be said the house is mine and the kids and he will never see us short of cash whatever happens.
Life just stinks at the moment. X Posted via Mobile Device
Maybe MLC? Any chance of MC?
Mine has almost said the same thing but I don't believe him... why should I he left us. He hasn't done anything to help our situation in anyway shape or form. But I am w/ you. I think he needs time and hope he will change his mind, but I don't know how much longer I can wait either. I keep saying I am a patient person... but not when there are no signs of him trying (just the opposite). The day before he moved out he was still making my coffee and walking me to my car in the morning (no kiss like there use to be but it was still part of a sweet routine).
I don't know if there's OW or what at this point if he would be willing to go to MC I'd try to work w/ him through anything.
So we talked. He said friendship is all he can give me right now. He's sorry for hurting me and truly cares for me but that's all he can give. We both cried. He was visibly upset.we spoke about divorce. Neither of us us ready for that yet. We spoke about finances. Money is a bit tight but be said the house is mine and the kids and he will never see us short of cash whatever happens.
Life just stinks at the moment. X Posted via Mobile Device
Boy I am sorry DG. We have shared several of those hugs and tear moments. So sad. I still think she is confused from the MLC, I could be wrong.
She can not give me her full heart or commitment to our marriage, but she is trying with weekend visits. I say that with the hope she will continue and work towards reconciling. It would be a shame to throw away 20 years together. Especially if it is because of a MLC.
DG, My situation is so similar as I read back. In January I was saying I was tired of limboland, so I said to her we either needed to start moving back to trying or move on. So now we are doing weekends. I know this could end (I hope not), but it took me out of the limbo stage.
Are you doing MC? It sounds like you have hope like I do. If you are not doing MC, but can, find someone you both can agree on. It is worth it.
My wife and I have been together almost 20 years now. We have so many issues now...We havent't said I love you in way over a year now. There's much more going on there. No cheating though. She is my best best best friend. even if I hate her some days. If we were to divorce, I would miss the friendship the most. No OW would or can replace that. That is why I haven't cheated. I don't want to hurt her like that.
I think you may be you husbands best friend and he NEEDS you. I know he must feel so bad. Maybe he needs you to forgive him? Really forgive him and not just say it.
DG, My situation is so similar as I read back. In January I was saying I was tired of limboland, so I said to her we either needed to start moving back to trying or move on. So now we are doing weekends. I know this could end (I hope not), but it took me out of the limbo stage.
Are you doing MC? It sounds like you have hope like I do. If you are not doing MC, but can, find someone you both can agree on. It is worth it.
No MC he refuses. Says nobody can help him!!
Im in IC and it has helped me a lot to.
Hows the weekend visits going for you?
i swing from wanting to give up on hope to wanting to hold on with everything ive got. I am definately getting stronger emotionally, i am back in work full time and my anxiety has all but disapeared. I am starting to see things more clearly. Its still not easy though!
Daisy, please let go of him as soon as possible.
He doesn't want to be married and that is clear as day.
It's in your best interest to not stay on "friend" terms wth him since he's broken your heart and it will take longer to recover.
Did he cheat on you? I can't remember.
Mamatomany - MLC? I think almost definately. He is 40 next week!! We were going to have a lovely celebration for his birthday. Now we are doing nothing!!
He had a 6 week EA last may but there is no OW now.
Already Gone I agree with you, I am his best friend, i am his ONLY friend and i know he needs me. Yes I have forgiven him but as you say i have to show him and I am. There has been no talk of his EA for weeks and i just want us to move on.
Jellybeans - you are like that little voice of reason sitting on my shoulder!! lol
He had an EA with a co worker last April/May. Lasted about 6 weeks. Txting only.
I started putting more boundaries in place this week and am feeling stronger and my mind is clearer. I have told him he has to give me more space. He has the children 3 evenings a week for me to work so i told him he didnt need to see then this evening (wed) but he called in for a cup of tea on his way home from worl for 5 mins and he burst into tears!! WTF! He hasnt showed any emotions for a while now. It was really odd and awkward! It really threw me.
Feeling sorry for himself maybe?
Also i asked him at the weekend if he wanted an official seperation agreement, he said no and hes still wearing his wedding ring!
No not living together now.
But he still wants to keep everything informal and platonic.
He hasnt even stopped his pay going into our joint bank account!!
Ill have a google for the book.
Im as sure as i can be.
He still works with the OW BUT i have found absolutely no evidence of any contact outside of work since last june.
Ive even got a key to his flat, been up there and snooped (sorry!!) and nothing at all.
He spends ALL his spare time with the kids and me!
No MC he refuses. Says nobody can help him!!
Im in IC and it has helped me a lot to.
Hows the weekend visits going for you?
i swing from wanting to give up on hope to wanting to hold on with everything ive got. I am definately getting stronger emotionally, i am back in work full time and my anxiety has all but disapeared. I am starting to see things more clearly. Its still not easy though!
That is a shame that he won't join you. There are many books that can help if only one person is trying. I like Divorce Busters. It has helped me be patient through this trying year.
The weekend visits have been going well. We have had three and all were very pleasant. We have always been good companions and travel partners, so the time apart has been especially hard. She will be coming by again this weekend and we have MC Friday night, so my hopes are up.
Her tone as of lately seems to be more loving which I hope is the sign she is coming out of the fog and is seeing what I have seen the whole time. That our marriage is worth saving.
I hear you about how tough it is. The roller coaster ride has been unbelievable. Some days were very sad and dark, but some filled with hope.
Daisygirl - Keep the faith! You are getting stronger every day. You should be proud of yourself for going to IC. I hope that he will come around soon and go too.
I relate so well to your story. I am married almost 16 yrs and am in 7th week of the trial separation. My husband also has tremendous guilt and shame for the past, but with the help of his IC and our MC, we are both growing and getting past it. We are still in limbo and have no idea if this will end in R or D. But the MC helps us communicate much better. Your hub really needs to IC to help him understand the source of his feelings. He is so scared though. I hope that he has the courage to look at himself the way you are.
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Re: I miss him...But... 
