01-11-2012, 04:47 PM
Join Date: Jan 2012
| | Confused and sad...or is it regret?
I just separated from my husband, we are now living in separate spaces. We've been married for 5.5 years, and got along really well for the most part. I realize now I let a lot of things slide (not blaming him totally as he's a great guy) such as his gambling problem, video game/marijuana addiction, lack of effort in the bedroom, never wanting to do anything, etc.
I just kind of bumbled along not really thinking about it. I did get angry with him on many occasions, as we literally went out or did stuff together once every couple of months. Or, when he didn't come to a family function because he was lazy I would make him feel bad about making me go on my own. However, after a big blowup things would calm down. We both worked alot too so I think we just got used to our own schedules.
Then I met another guy, we started texting and had plans to meet for a drink. Instant attraction - someone was paying me attention and actually wanted to do stuff with me, it really hit me how much I was missing from my husband. Meanwhile, my husband, sensing something was up, read through my texts and confronted me. While he was initially livid, he started talking about our marriage, how he had been treating me, etc.
However, I was suddenly aware that I hadn't really had a partner or much of a marriage for about two years. I felt like we were roommates, or that I was parenting him. I think I lost respect and affection for him and just gave up.
He really wants to work it out. He has given up pot, given up the video games, and is working out and eating better. Promises he'll put in the effort. I believe he does want to change, but I also feel like the damage is likely done. I'm not seeing the other guy or anything, so it's not a case of choosing my husband or another relationship. But it did make me aware of the spark and connection I could feel with someone.
Part of me is scared I am giving up what could be a wonderful relationship again with my husband (with work of course) because of fear, or weariness, or I don't know what. I'm not sure if we should attempt to live together again or take time apart. I know nobody can answer this but me, but just wondering if anyone has experienced something similar? Or can offer any advice?