Originally Posted by lost_without_her View Post
Well, a lot of you were right. A friendship isn't going to work for my wife and me. I was really prepared for it, as long as she was considerate, but then something happened yesterday that leads me to believe that will never be the case. We had gotten to a fairly good place all considered. She text me and asked me if I wanted to go half on the divorce. Bare in mind, she left two weeks ago today. My son will arrive for his visit in a week. We talked it over a bit, and then I realized she's ready to proceed with the divorce this week! I thought without any doubt that she would at least let me get through this visit with him before putting me through the motions.
I thought about it for hours. I tried to put myself in her place with this before reaching any conclusions. She told me she has no interest in being in a relationship anytime soon, so a slightly longer separation couldn't hurt anything while I work though this and try to stay strong for my son.
So, I told her that leaving should be punishment enough, and if she wants out so fast, so bad, then just do it. I told her to do it as soon as possible. I told her I'd be cordial to her for my son, but that I didn't want to be friends just to torture myself. I want to make it as easy on her as possible, but that works both ways, and I just think this was wrong.
I am angry, but I'm proud to say that I am managing it well. I respectfully and tactfully made my case and felt better after without any need to rage in order to get that relief. I think leaving should be punishment enough. I was terrible a lot of the time, but I was good to her too. I gave her the child she could never have, and that alone should be worth at least a little more consideration. Suddenly, it makes me wonder just what it all ever really meant to her and if she ever really did want me.
So, a friendship is not going to work for me and my wife, I'm afraid. I am glad that I was mature enough to be willing to try. I wouldn't discourage others from trying. I wish it could have worked for us, but this is just a little too deep for me. Both of her previous marriages lasted around 1 year. Her divorces took longer than that! We were together for 11 years, married for almost 6, and she's trying to get us divorced in three weeks. I can no longer believe that someone who could not have any more respect than that in leaving could be the one for me either. I hate it, but there's my sign. Now you can say.. "I told you so." I still feel better for having tried. I hope others have better luck than me.
It is rough, I have done the many up and downs and back and forth, the emotions strain is huge especially when you really want to do the right thing and you just can't get through to them but like you say she is not the one for you, it is tough to accept I know as not sure where I am at currently with it, acceptance/denial can almost look the same at times.
The fast Divorce is doing you a huge favor try and accept the gift and get the best settlement you can. Suddenly, it makes me wonder just what it all ever really meant to her and if she ever really did want me.
I have this same thought and its a struggle at times but you just have to keep the mindset of it is not a reflection of you it is a reflection of her, I love my W with everything I had I was 1000% committed and she cast me out like I was nothing, even had the nerve to tell me in casual conversation she has wasted 8% of her life being unhappy with me she got that precise in telling me how little i meant while still being friendly LOL.
Trust me not a single person on here wants to say 'I told you so', all you will get are tough truths, support, advice and encouragement. We all wish you the best and keep posting here to vent, unload and share your progress.