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Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

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Old 01-25-2012, 07:15 PM   #46 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please help I dont know what to do and feel suicidal

Exit affair actually makes sense - I had never considered that. I have told her I will do whatever it takes to make her happy but she says she is simply not interested as this new man is everything that I am not.

Also she is telling all sorts of lies to me and about me to others saying things about the past that are simply untrue - blame shifting (is this what they call gaslighting?)

She even said to me "I am sleeping with someone else why can't you get that through your thick skull".

I guess I really have to call it a day but it is so hard after 21 years.

I can't face living on my own in a flat, buying furniture, not seeing my daughter every day and (eventually) going dating at my age (41)

Last edited by rumple9; 01-25-2012 at 07:41 PM.
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Old 01-25-2012, 07:33 PM   #47 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please help I dont know what to do and feel suicidal

I guess you keep asking yourself.....WHY?. As time goes on (3 months in my case) it is clear even she doesn't have all the answers.

I told my stbxw that I would do everything to make her happy, her answer was of course that she was not interested. My stbxw did not reveal she was having an affair, friends later told me they saw her with the OM.

I'm facing the same feelings as yourself, buying new furniture and living alone seems like a daunting task now. I'm 38.

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Old 01-25-2012, 11:06 PM   #48 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please help I dont know what to do and feel suicidal

As painful as your story is you need to let her go and worry about yourself and your daughter. I am not sure how things in England work but in the US if your not married she don't get anything and if she works she gets no money either. But as for your daughter prove your OH is not a fit mother- get custody. Do not leave that child with the mother. Imagine if your not around who will care for the child. As hurt as this is for you- you need to move on. Sucide is not he answer remember you have a child and yes the teen years is about friends but she will get out of these year eventually and will need her father. I know I call mine all the time for everything. Please be safe and take care.
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Old 01-28-2012, 05:34 PM   #49 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please help I dont know what to do and feel suicidal

Saturday night again and shes staying at his and she says shes spending the whole day with him tomorrow - I feel so low
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Old 02-02-2012, 07:18 AM   #50 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please help I dont know what to do and feel suicidal

Well she won't communicate with me at all now. Doesn't say hello when I walk in the door. When she passes me in the house she looks down at floor so as not to look at me.

Last night she was in the bedroom with the door closed talkingt o him on the phone and I could hear her saying when she stayed at his on Saturday, when she woke up on sunday morning and he had gone she was so upset. She was talking lovey-dovey like a 17 year old girl.

This is killing me.
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Old 02-02-2012, 08:16 AM   #51 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please help I dont know what to do and feel suicidal

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Originally Posted by rumple9 View Post
Well she won't communicate with me at all now. Doesn't say hello when I walk in the door. When she passes me in the house she looks down at floor so as not to look at me.

Last night she was in the bedroom with the door closed talkingt o him on the phone and I could hear her saying when she stayed at his on Saturday, when she woke up on sunday morning and he had gone she was so upset. She was talking lovey-dovey like a 17 year old girl.

This is killing me.
That's exactly the same thing that happened to me last night. My wife walked into the room and leave the room like there's nobody in the house. I woke up at 2 or 3 in the morning to hear her talking to another guy. We are sleeping in separate bedroom.

You need to let her go. I know it's easy to say but hard to do. You need to do it. Don't worry about dating at 41. Because a 45 year-old man took my 29 year-old wife away from me.
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Old 02-02-2012, 08:52 AM   #52 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please help I dont know what to do and feel suicidal

have you stopped her access to your money yet? it would be really hard for her to continue this lifestyle on a part time nurses job! i know you feel as if your lifes in the dumpster right now, but it's time you man up and quit putting up with her crap. and as far as her threating you with assualt charges if you so much as touch her, i would be carring a var on me at all times...cover your butt..
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Old 02-02-2012, 11:33 AM   #53 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please help I dont know what to do and feel suicidal

Well I have never given her any money - I just pay all the mortgage bills and other outgoings - the money she earns is what she spends on clothes and going out - that's hows sh'es run herself into massive debt with store and credit cards.

I'm prepared to forgive and forget because I love her dearly
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