maybe this will help - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-14-2012, 05:05 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 60
maybe this will help

hello all,

my name is mike and my wife left me back in august. i had a few posts on this forum. i have 3 young children and my wife had an emotional affair after 7 years of marriage. to say i was devestated would be a great understatement. i went through a very dark time in my life up until about november. i had a custody hearing for joint custody of my children in the begining of november. i reached out to my wife one last time and asked her if divorce was really what she wanted, and she said yes. from that day on i said the hell with her. i deserve way better. i know what im about to say will be unpopular to many people, but it honestly saved my life as i had considered suicide back in october. GO BACK OUT. i started going back out and meeting woman again, going on dates,and it has been a blast. im not looking to settle down or be in a commited relationship with anyone anytime soon if ever. my whole expirence has changed my view on marriage as well as relationships in general. i may stay by myself forever. people have no values anymore and marriage doesnt mean sh!t. todays generation just says im unhappy lets get divorced. it wasnt like that back in the 40s, and 50s. people are selfish and all about themselves these days. i would absolutely never marry again, for what, 10 years down the road have someone get bored, and become unhappy and take me for my pension and everything i own,no thanks. if i learned one thing in my expirence with my stbxw its that i dont need anyone, i love me, and im happy with myself. i have 3 wonderful little boys who think the world of me, n thats all i need. all that being said going back into the world and meeting new woman helped me get back on my feet. im sure everyone who has been thrown out like trash would agree that it is a major hit on ones ego. when it all happened i had alot of trouble liking myself, and felt worthless, and undesirable, and above all really down on myself. i know everyone says dont date when going through divorce but i think its b.s. seeing that people value me and like my company, and enjoy being around me really pulled me out of a very dark place that i was in. it saved me. it made me realize that i dont need my dumb a@s stbxw, theres plenty of other woman i could be with. my depression went away, and i havent been on this forum since early november, i used to be on here daily, and it really helped me. my main point of this post is to maybe help someone whos reading this whos crying their eyes out every night, sitting at home being sad and thinking of why they shouldnt blow their head off. GET BACK OUT THERE AND LIVE LIFE. hope this helped, im out of here i got a date at 7.

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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-14-2012, 06:11 PM
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 45
Re: maybe this will help

It does help and it's what I'm doing.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-15-2012, 05:08 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 2,372
Re: maybe this will help

Well this is definitely encouraging and I agree with marriage having lost its meaning.

Where the hell in marriage vows was the phrase "eternal, constant happiness" mentioned? That's what people seem to think marriage is. It's stupid.

I will come back and reread your post if my wife doesn't stop her divorce bull****. I'm giving us a bit more time.
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-16-2012, 09:46 AM
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 117
Re: maybe this will help

Marriage is only for those people who believes in it.

If you do not believe in marriage then do not marry.It's simple.But please do not disgrace the institution of marriage.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-16-2012, 11:04 AM
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Location: Florida
Posts: 5,485
Originally Posted by vickyyy View Post
Marriage is only for those people who believes in it.

If you do not believe in marriage then do not marry.It's simple.But please do not disgrace the institution of marriage.
With a 50% failure rate the institution disgraces itself enough.

I'm firmly in the OP's camp.
If my marriage doesn't work out I won't be rolling those dice again.
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-16-2012, 11:23 AM
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Posts: 594
Re: maybe this will help

I would, with the right woman. The way I see it, my failed marriage has been a growing opportunity. I have learned so much, basically been in training to be an even better catch when and if I am ready to try again.

Personally, I like the idea of commitment, sharing, monogamy, exploring life together as partners and individuals. I know what didn't work in my marriage, and I know what needs to be there and happen in the next.

Although I am a very long way from dating again, it's something I look forward to, and will take things from there. One day at a time.
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-16-2012, 01:44 PM
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: PacNorWest
Posts: 92
Re: maybe this will help

I'm with the OP on this one....

Marriage will never mean the same to me, ever. 20 years gone in 4 months time....

I'm not bitter, but it has opened my eyes. Those who's marriage lasts "forever" are a select few, and both parties need to be commended as they truly know what marriage is about.

I'll never marry again. Not because I don't believe in it, but because I'll never really believe the other person does.
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-16-2012, 09:17 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 60
Re: maybe this will help

to vickyyy,

im sorry to tell you this but i firmly upheld my marriage vows and was prepared to be with my wife forever. the simple fact that i was willing to work on things after being cheated on should show that. my vows met something to me even thou they didnt for my christian going wife, who never misses church, and would hassle me if i ever did. i dont know how old you are but i am 29.there are so many of who are going through the same thing i am, and its almost identical type circumstances ( children involved, married 5 yrs or longer). i got news for you and you can believe whatever you want, but id be willing to bet in my generation the dropoff of marriages that last 20 yrs or longer we be STAGGERING. its a different mindstate theses days. seeing a 50 year marriage from my generation will be like seeing a white alligator. i did all i could to prevent being divorced, i swallowed my pride many, many, many times and made myself look like an a#s. i never disrespected the institution of marriage, but im starting to believe that it is a concept that just doesnt hold up these days.its almost like some fairtale, a social norm that has been driven into peoples heads as something they should do. i know many more happily unmarried people than i do married ones. most that i know that are married are in aconstant seasaw of happy vs unhappy or one good fight from blowing the doors off the whole thing. my friends i went through school with that remained unmarried have the best lives of any people i know. the woman they were with after a number of years showed their true colors and my bachelor friends showed them the doors and cut ties. stupid me busted my a@S for 9 years doing laborous work and killing myself so my wife could not work and go to school and get her masters degree only to walk out on me 6 months from being done.her degree was to help us. lmao. i would have been better off never being married. my wife and so many others are more concerned about their happiness then their families. good luck to you and your institution though lets see what the divorce rates look like when im 50.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-17-2012, 05:57 AM
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 117
Re: maybe this will help


I am 25 yr old.male.Your story is very touching.your wife is selfish and real b!tch.u did right thing in divorcing her.Being single is way better than living with such kind of woman.

Best wishes to u and ur kids for future.
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-03-2015, 10:02 AM
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Posts: 351
Re: maybe this will help

Couldn't agree with th OP more. it seems to a lot of people perso nal happiness is more important that family that working on it, giving your all, if after that if fails at least you know you've tried everything.

There are reasons, excuses and some beahiavour that makes it very difficult to work issues (abuse, infidelity, mental issues, addictions), even some can be worked on if there's will. But i'm not happy i want out doesn't seem to me like one of them.

Ask yourself, why are you unhappy?, is it something that can be fixed, worked on, can you compromise?, can your partner change whatever is making you believe that your happy?, is he willing to?

I've learned that your happiness is YOUR responsability not anyones.

I saddens me that my STXW doesn't see this, that her unhappiness is a bigger obstacle to overcome that to at least try to see if we can make it work. We have a three year old, i believe we OWE him that, owe him to at least give our all.

When a woman says she's done, she really is. But it's sad when you get to that point and you were either too blind and deaf to see the warnings and/or your wife didn't comunícate hard enough her concerns and reasons for unhappiness. When you finally snap, then it's too late.

This marriage breakup has left me with scars very deep. I know what my shortcomings and mistakes were, i won't do the again on my next relationship, i just don't know if i will ever give my heart 100% to another human being. Marriage for me just doesn't exist anymore.

I will be the best father i can for my son, quality time, that's for shure, but i don't know if i will ever trust another person like that.

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