My saga begins in the thread "he dropped a bomb on me". That was last April. There is more than just the separation and impending divorce that I am facing and battling. Right now it is my attempt to get back in the workplace after 11 years of self employment. Not to mention menopause, empty nest syndrome, very slow recovery (2+ years from brain surgery), losing my home, my son getting married, my daughter going to NJ (staying w/her Dad), and having to leave my beloved lab (had her 11 years) with my son. Then there are the in-laws, who while declaring that I'll always be a part of the family, have not responded to even a Merry Christmas (except my one BIL and his wife, they call fairly regularly). Oh, then there is my nephew's wife who is battling cancer. I think that's everything. See now why I have trouble seeing that light and feeling that when I do it will be attached to a train scheduled to run me over?
So much on my plate but the plate has been yanked away!
I look for the posts here that offer hope and reassurance, been kind of hard to find those lately. When you started this thread I looked at it as, hopefully, a way to help lift myself out of these doldrums. I would be everso grateful for the tiniest bit of positive thinking that anyone could offer. Thank you.
It sounds like a lot you're dealing with. Overwhelming.
But, you're still functioning
Hope & reassurance? I don't have a lot to give - my optimism has taken a pretty hard hit, but it still flickers from time to time.
I do know this... I will get through this. It will not be easy or quick, but I have everything I need - IN ME - to have a wonderful life. I just need to figure out where to start... one day at a time...
Here's my 2012 resolution - it offers me hope & reassurance. And reminds me my future is in MY hands.
What you are is what you've been.
What you'll be is what you do now.
~ Buddha
Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
I think a venting thread would be great. I am 2 weeks into my husband moving out because he doesn't want to "try" anymore and wants to get his own apartment. I feel like I am dying inside. Some days I am strong, and other days, like today, I just want to stay in bed and cry. We haven't talked very much since then, and I just can't believe that he is really gone.
I am 38 with no kids. I feel like I've lost my chance to have a family, and now he has his freedom.
Wow - 2 weeks. So fresh.
I'm at 2 months now and some days I am strong and other days I want to stay in bed and cry. However, the strong days are increasing in number. Still, if I need a 'mental health' day, I take it.
Our pain is real and we need to make space for it in our life. But, we can't let it take over.
Keep going - day by day - the pain will begin to recede and you will find some sunshine again.
Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
There's so much more to the story, but too much to dump on you now. Just wanted to stop by and say I appreciate this thread and look forward to communicating with all of you.
Hi!
The stories!! How do we tell our stories? So many details. I'm considering drafting my 'nutshell' story so when someone asks I don't have to stutter - uh, it's confusing, lots of details, where to begin...
Ergh. I'm really glad we have a forum like this to communicate with others who understand the depths of despair are real.
Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
The biggest frustration for me right now is job hunting. I've never encountered this level of difficulty in getting a job, ever. But then I am now older and being self employed for over a decade is not helping. I've a Bachelor's degree but I guess now it's nearly obsolete. I know that employment would relieve so much pressure on me. This just sucks!!!
Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
Janie,
I love the idea of this..I can relate to so much that has been said..in a bit of a hurry this morning. But, the comments "You're so strong, positive, blah, blah..yesterday I was having my first big meltdown (luckily, alone)..and have been doing some crazy stuff..So I have been so mad at my stbxh and his "12 yr old lawyer" lol this lawyer keeps saying things like "I don't have kids but, xyz seems to be plenty of money to raise them" So I have been collecting all of our half gallon milk containers in a large garbage bag along with all of the empty diaper boxes.Of Course, leaving the price stickers on and I was going to send them to his office..Instead, I took them all out on the kitchen counter and took tons of pics. Now I will throw them away..I am a sane person..maybe putting all of this energy into such a ridiculous thing sort of helped. As I was doing it all I just thought what would all of my girlfriends think of this?! I still want to show that lawyer the pics..half gallon milks are $7.99 where I live and my children go through one a day! Don't get me started on diapers!
i'm also going thru separation with my wife, today is our aniversary #10... its so painful to think that everything is over, she began an E/A, P/A with somebody else 9 months ago and i was in the dark, i didnt find out until recently, she has already moved on, detached herself from me, and she expects me to do the same in like what 15 days?????? we still live together and that makes it even more painful, we have 3 kids, i wanna move out but i need at least 2 months to get everything ready, in the meantime is hell everyday, every second, we are still "good friends" but thats it....
Hi IfIwasYourVampire,
I have a million things to say to you. I am rushing once again will have more time tonight. First, a "good friend" does not put someone through hell. Second, why is she still there? At least ask her to try not to be home when you are there. Why does she get to "have her cake and eat it too?" I know that you still love her and a huge par of you "wants" to just be near her. Right now she is not going to give you that "look" or even the exact answer to all of your questions. Plus, you are probably walking around in some sort of fog right now..make her leave while you get your stuff together.
You are doing good. Hold strong. Talk later.
Janie,
I love the idea of this..I can relate to so much that has been said..in a bit of a hurry this morning. But, the comments "You're so strong, positive, blah, blah..yesterday I was having my first big meltdown (luckily, alone)..and have been doing some crazy stuff..So I have been so mad at my stbxh and his "12 yr old lawyer" lol this lawyer keeps saying things like "I don't have kids but, xyz seems to be plenty of money to raise them" So I have been collecting all of our half gallon milk containers in a large garbage bag along with all of the empty diaper boxes.Of Course, leaving the price stickers on and I was going to send them to his office..Instead, I took them all out on the kitchen counter and took tons of pics. Now I will throw them away..I am a sane person..maybe putting all of this energy into such a ridiculous thing sort of helped. As I was doing it all I just thought what would all of my girlfriends think of this?! I still want to show that lawyer the pics..half gallon milks are $7.99 where I live and my children go through one a day! Don't get me started on diapers!
Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
i'm also going thru separation with my wife, today is our aniversary #10... its so painful to think that everything is over, she began an E/A, P/A with somebody else 9 months ago and i was in the dark, i didnt find out until recently, she has already moved on, detached herself from me, and she expects me to do the same in like what 15 days?????? we still live together and that makes it even more painful, we have 3 kids, i wanna move out but i need at least 2 months to get everything ready, in the meantime is hell everyday, every second, we are still "good friends" but thats it....
That sounds unbearable.
She should leave. And you have every right to insist that she does. It's mental and emotional torture for you!
Do your kids know what's going on? How old are they?
Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
hey Out of the Dark, if you want to know more about my situation you can read my two threads "dead inside" and "how does wife forget about OM??" at this moment i really dont care that she keeps the house, i just want to get away so i can deal with my pain, its difficult trying to deal with the cheating and then separation when my wife is right next to me everyday, its difficult to let go because when i'm with her i have a little hope that we can 'fix" things, we get along just fine is just that she doesnt look at me like she used to, we're just good friends...... she says that we can live under the same roof with no problems, but i know my boundaries and i know that as soon as she starts goin out with OM i'm gonne, in the meantime i need time to sort everything, can't talk to my family about it, and my "best friend" is OM... i feel so depressed and alone, it hurts every passing second, but i found TAM a couple of weeks ago and it's really helped me alot, at least i know that here we are all individuals going tru similar pain and we can help each other, i see it like if we are brothers of pain... its good to be able to vent, being 'alone' was driving me crazy, and yes i also began going to group therapy
hey janie, yes it is unbearable, my kids dont know nothing about it, they're 5,3 and 1 month old, yesterday i was feeling so helpless, sad, depressed, angry, all kinds of emotions, i was feeling very violent ( i was alone at work) i wanted to break stuff or just do something stupid....... and i did.... i know is really stupid, i know... i didnt think about it, i just did it, i cut my arm with a blade it wasnt a deep cut but it bled... i was in so much emotional pain than i didnt really feel the cut, it did hurt afterwards but not at that moment.... now i'm wearing long sleeves to hide it, i have never done something like that before, it just happened..... i'm not suicidal either, i'm just inso much pain...
I'm thinking it would be nice to have a thread where we can go to vent, ponder, reflect, update and generally just check in from time to time. Not the big stuff, just the little thoughts. Random. Everything/anything.
Anyone interested in using a thread to dump stuff?
A place to regularly support each other?
A place to really get to know one another?
TAM, in it's entirety, is a support site. Pretty much everyone on here is venting about something. It's great to hear from differing opinions. Most people on TAM are the left behind spouse, (or the betrayed spouse ), fighting at all odds to keep their marriage/relationship going. It very sad.
hey janie, yes it is unbearable, my kids dont know nothing about it, they're 5,3 and 1 month old, yesterday i was feeling so helpless, sad, depressed, angry, all kinds of emotions, i was feeling very violent ( i was alone at work) i wanted to break stuff or just do something stupid....... and i did.... i know is really stupid, i know... i didnt think about it, i just did it, i cut my arm with a blade it wasnt a deep cut but it bled... i was in so much emotional pain than i didnt really feel the cut, it did hurt afterwards but not at that moment.... now i'm wearing long sleeves to hide it, i have never done something like that before, it just happened..... i'm not suicidal either, i'm just inso much pain...
The other man is your best friend? Wow.
The affair was going on for 9 months and you have a 1 mo old? (Are you sure the child is yours?)
Your 'wife' claims it's ok with her for you two to live together?
Of course it's ok! The behavior of your wife has been downright cold. She is so deeply in a fog, she is sheltered from all of your pain.
It is important you change something soon. Your 'incident' at work is a true danger sign. Find a friend to stay with, an apartment to rent... something. Get out of that house and take time to breathe. The pressure it way too much. If you hope to be a good father to your babies, you have to take care of yourself first.
Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
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Re: Support...? 
