A little history of my story, got the whole I love you but not in love with you speech from my wife December 12th. We have been married 9 years, together 11. We have two beautiful children, 8 & 5. Roughly a year ago she started to drop a lot of weight, then changed clothing style, etc, etc. She says that she was not talking to the other person until she gave me the speech, but I figured out she was talking to him a little bit before. I always loved my wife, she said there is nothing I could have done differently, she said she realizes she will probably not find anyone like me again.
The problem is, I've been going through this for a month now, some days I feel like "screw it, you don't want me, I'm too good for you." Other days I feel like "why don't you want me, please take me back."
I know that she is the one with the character flaws, she probably had a mental switch/mid life crisis that she wants to go out and test the single seen again. She is 32, I'm 34. I know that all this is about rejection, that I should be the one thinking how dare you leave me. How dare you not want me. I'm much better.
I need to grow my backbone again. I feel like I've wrapped my emotional happiness around her, no self esteem, etc.
There is no magic pill you can swallow to make everything all better.
Your emotions will be up and down, just as you described. You are still in early stages. being that you were the one rejectd, it's gonna take you some time to get over. So just accept that.
Busy yourself with hobbies, exercise, reahc out to old family and friends. Get individual counselling.
Your wife may have lots of flaws, but you also need to look into where your failures were in the relationship. It generally takes 2to break down a marriage. No one person is all good/all bad. Look inward and commit to not repeating bad behaviors in the future.
I have realized that I was too emotionally needy the last year or so, but I would bet my bottom dollar that a lot of this is due to her weight loss. Regardless I know that I am not able to change her mind at all. I'm not even holding on to hope that at some point she will realize what she did. Even though I can see she is operating in a fog, the tough thing is she thinks she is operating so clearly. She even gives me mixed signals sometimes. BUt the divorce petition has already been filed. She is so stubborn I think she is going through this regardless of the collateral damage.
No, Proud. Her weight loss has nothing to do with her cheating. Her cheating and her decision to end the marriage is solely on her. It's a choice she has made. She may have lost weight and felt better about herself but she also could have stayed with you--she simply chose not to.
She has done you a huge favor, eventhough it may not seem like it. Because there could be nothing worse than staying in a one-sided marriage where you are unloved. She has released you. It's a good thing.
Keep busy. Implement the 180 rules and stick to them... I you fall off get back on track. If I got to a better place anyone can. You need to find your self-respect. Took me a month. But then I stood up for myself. Sure, the separation still sucks and it hurts every day, but at some point you need to feel sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Posted via Mobile Device
About 32 or even 34 being mid-life - forget that it's still early adulthood.
At 34 you'll find that there are some very nice actual women out there that unlike you're wife they've grown up and are ready to put the crap of their 20's behind them.
See, you bought a crappy cheap car hoping it would run and mature like a great car does. Now you need to get out an upgrade.
I dropped the kids off last night at the wife's house after spending the weekend with them. I decided to be nice and switch the laundry for her. Well when I did I noticed two new pairs of panties that she had recently bought. I've only been gone a month and she is already trying different styles of underwear than when we were married? Yeah right she is just friends with the guy she just started talking to. This discovery is helping me to start to look at her as just the mother of my children.
This discovery is helping me to start to look at her as just the mother of my children.
Good. Because that is all she will be soon anyway.
Something I did when going through my D: Assume the worst, that way there were no surprises. So in your case, I would just go ahead and assume she is in fact sleeping with the "just a friend." That way you can move on and not dwell in the past.
And for chrissake's, stop doing this woman's laundry/helping her out with things--she has dumped you.
Don't be so hard on yourself proudwidaddy...i'd say that seeing as you are only a month or so through this you sound to be doing pretty well to even be having the 'screw it i'm too good for you thoughts'
Your situation isnt a great deal dissimilar to mine, I had the same speech in july last year, wife had lost lots of weight...is 32 (i'm 35) we have three kids (3,6 and 7)...got herself a new bloke. We had other factors too but whatever they were we are both left in the same situation, kids and no wife.
I had months of trying to come to terms with things, being a doormat.
Best advice I could give is to give yourself a break, don't be too hard on yourself and blame yourself for this and that. Jellybeans is right, weight loss, boredom with marriage whatever it may be could well have been contributing factors for her desire for things to get better...but cheating doesn't fix those things and it's not an excuse for doing it.
I hung on for far too long to the hope that i could persuade her she was wrong, but now 6 months down the line I am in a much better place. i still wished it hadn't happened but i do know that I can live without her and still have a good relationship with the kids.
it's very difficult but try to focus on what you are doing rather than what she is doing
Took me 8 months. Finally I am in a great place. I'm not all that pissed at her anymore either. She chose to go on a Journey that I was not invited on. It's ok... people got to do what they need to do in order to feel good about themselves and all. Only after fully believing in yourself and not letting someone else's "love" or lack of Love define you will you ever get back on the horse. In the end she's just a person; one woman out of like 3 billion. Is she making a big mistake? Oh heck Yes. Can I control it? Fug No. Can I make myself happy without her? Hell Yes I can. It's what we should have been doing the entire time! NEVER use someone else to "make" you happy. EVER....
The nice thing I experienced today was I spoke with one of our mutual friends today, he talked to me and said that him and his wife have no clue why this is going on with us, that they she she has changed something drastically. They both agreed that she will end up regretting this in the future. It made me feel good to hear that someone who knew both of us can see the truth that my ex can't actually see.
Took me 8 months. Finally I am in a great place. I'm not all that pissed at her anymore either. She chose to go on a Journey that I was not invited on. It's ok... people got to do what they need to do in order to feel good about themselves and all. Only after fully believing in yourself and not letting someone else's "love" or lack of Love define you will you ever get back on the horse. In the end she's just a person; one woman out of like 3 billion. Is she making a big mistake? Oh heck Yes. Can I control it? Fug No. Can I make myself happy without her? Hell Yes I can. It's what we should have been doing the entire time! NEVER use someone else to "make" you happy. EVER....
Good advice...deep down i know it....just hard to actually get through my thick skull. Posted via Mobile Device
The nice thing I experienced today was I spoke with one of our mutual friends today, he talked to me and said that him and his wife have no clue why this is going on with us, that they she she has changed something drastically. They both agreed that she will end up regretting this in the future. It made me feel good to hear that someone who knew both of us can see the truth that my ex can't actually see.
And you know, all that is probably true. She will regret it. But you know what is more important? That you NOT regret it, you learn from it and thrive from it. You were born alone, you live alone (in your head), and you die alone in the end. Where in that does it say you HAVE to have one specific woman to be complete? No where. You are complete without her; you always have been. You've only forgotten how to be "complete" on your own. You've let her take over your reason for existence and that is no way to live. Give it a few months and keep up the positive self talk and you'll feel much better. Soon it won't matter if she is "sorry". I promise you...
Help Me Grow A Backbone 
