Missing so much and being afraid of regret. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 01-17-2012, 04:07 PM Thread Starter
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Missing so much and being afraid of regret.

I met my husband the first day of college - dated for 8 years and was married for 6. Having been my first serious relationship - a few years into my marriage I found myself pushing the limits of potential emotional affairs and feeling like I wasn't really happy being married. My husband is the most unselfish, perfect man - a husband most women would dream of who treated me like gold. For some reason it just wasn't enough for me. I made connections with other people on a friend basis and felt they "got me" better then my husband ever did. I pretended and went through the motions for a few years, and settled with being content. I finally had the courage to leave and never felt happier the day I left - I saw nothing but happiness in front of me and couldnt wait to start my life.
6 months now since our separation and I feel like I've lost everything. I miss my life, my dogs, my friend, and more importantly being a part of a family/relationship. I've tried so hard to allow myself to miss him as a friend and not regret my decision but it's getting tougher to do. I don't find myself missing him, but rather missing having someone. The loneliness is new to me and I'm having difficulty distinguishing the two.
I just want to feel that sense of happiness and confidence I had when I first left. It seems as if he's doing better than I am now. I've lost almost all of our friends who just look at me as some horrible human being for leaving someone so good.
Has anyone else out there left their marriage purely because they felt it could be so much better out there? How do you distinguish what's normal to miss vs feeling you made the wrong choice?
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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 01-17-2012, 04:31 PM
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Re: Missing so much and being afraid of regret.

This brings a tear to my eye. I hope you find the happiness you seek. The decision you made is now history and so you will find a way to live with it, you have no choice. Life is simple, do what comes next -the late George Carlin.

There is always hope though, you seem to miss having someone more than having your EH, so there was actually some honor in detaching from him rather than stringing him along or cheating (even if some look down upon you) - you've given him an opportunity to move on with his life and find someone that is willing and able to live it with him.

Life is what you make it, not what happens to you, whatever committment you decide to make, give it forethought and then stick with it. I just find it sad when people give up hope on the institution of marriage - if you can find happiness anywhere, why not with someone who is kind loving and decent? Or is it just variety that you need in life? I'm not attacking or judging you, its not my place, I genuinely realize everyone has their own sets of values and I am only entitled to mine. I don't understand your decision, but I know we get one shot at life so I hope you now have the chance to make it count...
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