Re: Missing so much and being afraid of regret.
This brings a tear to my eye. I hope you find the happiness you seek. The decision you made is now history and so you will find a way to live with it, you have no choice. Life is simple, do what comes next -the late George Carlin.
There is always hope though, you seem to miss having someone more than having your EH, so there was actually some honor in detaching from him rather than stringing him along or cheating (even if some look down upon you) - you've given him an opportunity to move on with his life and find someone that is willing and able to live it with him.
Life is what you make it, not what happens to you, whatever committment you decide to make, give it forethought and then stick with it. I just find it sad when people give up hope on the institution of marriage - if you can find happiness anywhere, why not with someone who is kind loving and decent? Or is it just variety that you need in life? I'm not attacking or judging you, its not my place, I genuinely realize everyone has their own sets of values and I am only entitled to mine. I don't understand your decision, but I know we get one shot at life so I hope you now have the chance to make it count...