My wife has said she wants to talk this evening... - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 08:44 AM
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Re: My wife has said she wants to talk this evening...

My brother's wife left him after 25 years because the guy she wasn't allowed to date in high school found her on Facebook, and that was all it took. Sometimes you just can't fight this stuff.

But if you DO plan to fight it, the first thing you have to do is go have a talk with her parents and siblings and let them know why she's doing what she's doing (i.e. wanting to try him on for size). If that doesn't change anything, there's probably nothing you can do about it because he's her long-lost, the one that got away.

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post #17 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 09:05 AM
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Re: My wife has said she wants to talk this evening...

I am sure her parents and probably siblings/very close friends are fully aware of what is going on... sharing with them will sort out whether you have allies or observers.

@turnera is right... there are times when you just let go rather than be dragged deeper into their suffering.

I shouldn't be, but am often surprised when this happens how people think they are investing in the past when it is nothing more than an odd's gamble for the future and leaves them broke in the present.

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post #18 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 09:12 AM
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Re: My wife has said she wants to talk this evening...

If you try to stay together you will be mad at yourself the rest of your life.

get you duck in a row. the **** storm is coming.

good luck
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post #19 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 09:37 AM
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Re: My wife has said she wants to talk this evening...

Before you make any moves, go up to the POSOM (Piece of sh*t other man), and warn him the fu** off! Tell him that you are both contacting your wife to tell her that he is no longer a prospect. Then tell your wife that he is gone FOREVER... I do not advise violence, however, he should be made aware that communication with her is totally inappropriate. Suggest that he move far far away, else he may wake up one morning to find his gonads in a glass beside his bed.

Tell her mom and dad that she wants an affair, and you will be merciless with them all if she goes through with it. Their names and reputations will be toast. She will walk around your town with the scarlet A tattooed to her forehead.

Stand up, be a man.

Do this before your talk this evening. Let her talk and then tell her the reality of the situation...that he has been told to lay the fuc* off, and he is unavailable to her. If she wants to leave tell her to leave with just the damn clothes on her back.

In this circumstance being a major PRICK will pay off.
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post #20 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 09:41 AM
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Re: My wife has said she wants to talk this evening...

That can also backfire very badly. It depends on whether she is leaving to get away from her husband or to be with the other man.




Quote:
Originally Posted by Taxman View Post
Before you make any moves, go up to the POSOM (Piece of sh*t other man), and warn him the fu** off! Tell him that you are both contacting your wife to tell her that he is no longer a prospect. Then tell your wife that he is gone FOREVER... I do not advise violence, however, he should be made aware that communication with her is totally inappropriate. Suggest that he move far far away, else he may wake up one morning to find his gonads in a glass beside his bed.

Tell her mom and dad that she wants an affair, and you will be merciless with them all if she goes through with it. Their names and reputations will be toast. She will walk around your town with the scarlet A tattooed to her forehead.

Stand up, be a man. Tell her if she wants him, she had better go there without ANYTHING: Money posessions etc etc etc.

In this circumstance being a major PRICK will pay off.
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post #21 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 09:41 AM
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Re: My wife has said she wants to talk this evening...

OP: do you think she is unhappy with something about you, or she has become interesting in this other man? Which do you think is the original cause?
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post #22 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 10:12 AM
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Re: My wife has said she wants to talk this evening...

Given what has been written, the likelihood of her acting on her new "friendship" is quite high. Backfire or not, it would be prudent to warn him off in any case. Oh, if it is not at affair level as yet, he will hear, boo hoo hoo, you scared my new friend. She will get over that, he will not get over her new friend porking his wife. Not without a tire iron across the new friend's kneecaps.
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post #23 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-14-2017, 10:35 AM
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Re: My wife has said she wants to talk this evening...

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Originally Posted by most88 View Post
At our wedding (which I still allowed him to attend) he started crying to my wife's parents about how much he loved my wife, and so on.

From that day my wife and I stopped talking to him; the two-faced low-life prick, in my opinion.

So recently he reaches out to my wife (I'm told it wasn't the other way around) and they've started talking again.
Suddenly he's decided to divorce his wife.
If she's talking privately with him (text, FB messaging, phone calls) and they are expressing feelings for each other, or even if he's the only one expressing feelings of love and she's continuing to engage, this is an EA. Your best bet if you want to save this marriage is to treat this like the emotional affair that it is and follow the steps in Surviving an Affair to recover the marriage. This will include:

1. Exposure to your family, your wife's family, and the OM's family, and your close friends, asking for support and help in ending their affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy and blowing this up will put pressure on their fantasy world.

2. You do not leave your home. If your wife leaves to stay with her parents, they will hopefully be aware of what she is doing and help put a stop to the affair, knowing that her loving husband wants to save the marriage.

3. Implement a list of precautions in your marriage. No more OS friends unless they are friends of the marriage and see and talk to you two together, not privately.

4. Full transparency in the marriage. This means you know the details of your wife's day, including where she is, who she is with, and what she is doing.
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post #24 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-15-2017, 01:43 AM
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Re: My wife has said she wants to talk this evening...

If you both don't have kids and she moves out.

Consider the marriage dead.

File for divorce. Offer her a FAST divorce if she goes away quickly, no alimony - and you won't embarrass her publicly with her infidelity.

After divorce is final. tell others she's a cheater and her new boyfriend left his wife and child to be with your wife.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
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post #25 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-16-2017, 08:53 PM
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Re: My wife has said she wants to talk this evening...

Difficult to give good advice if the OP disappears.

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post #26 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-16-2017, 11:59 PM
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Re: My wife has said she wants to talk this evening...

I tend to believe when they ask for separation you should force their hand and give them the papers the next day. Separation is really about easing the pain of divorce at the expense of the one being separated from. If you have to suffer she should too.

Also call this dudes wife and ask if she know if they are talking.
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post #27 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 02:44 PM
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post #28 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 10:22 PM
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Re: My wife has said she wants to talk this evening...

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Originally Posted by most88 View Post
Hi all,

So first thing this morning (about 6am) she says we need to talk about where our relationship is going, and said she's seriously considering a 'break' and had already asked her mum if she could move in with her parents. Seems to me she's already decided basically; or am I just being pessimistic?

We've been together over 8 years and been married just over 3 years.

There's an interesting back story:
She has a childhood male friend who is also married now.

2 weeks before he got married to his wife we were out drinking together and asked if he could talk to my wife alone; the day after my wife told me he declared how all of this time he'd been in love with her.
I kept my cool, and thought he was just drunk and getting cold feet so left it there... mostly. He got married and had a baby.

At our wedding (which I still allowed him to attend) he started crying to my wife's parents about how much he loved my wife, and so on.

From that day my wife and I stopped talking to him; the two-faced low-life prick, in my opinion.

So recently he reaches out to my wife (I'm told it wasn't the other way around) and they've started talking again.
Suddenly he's decided to divorce his wife.

And now we're here with my wife considering a break. What do you all think? Sound suspicious?

We've had our unstable moments as we're both quite stubborn.
Our sex life is basically nonexistent; she attributes it to her lack of self-confidence, but I suspect it's deeper than just that.

I'm at a crossroads and I just don't know what to think of it all. I'd really appreciate any constructive input/advice.

Many thanks.
Ok what is left to save and why would you want to save what is left.
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post #29 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-17-2017, 11:38 PM
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Cool Re: My wife has said she wants to talk this evening...

@most88 ~ after reading your story, I definitely smell "a rat!"

Something tells me that this little meeting that she's wanting to convene with you is to drop the nuclear bomb on your unsuspecting backside!

Check her phone and social media ASAP! I wouldn't bet against her committing some covert "hanky panky" with him as we speak!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #30 of 31 (permalink) Old 06-21-2017, 04:09 PM
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Re: My wife has said she wants to talk this evening...

@most88 how are things going?

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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