I'm reaching out to this forum because I saw some threads with similar situations like the one I'm currently going through. Any advice would be much appreciated! Here's my story:
My wife and I have been together for 9 years. We have 3 children 5/7/9 (oldest is from a previous marriage however when I met my wife she was 9 months old) and she recently told me that "she's done." This is the second time that she has gotten to a point where she feels physically and emotionally neglected. Looking back I have realized that during the busy schedule of having 3 children, that the typical routine has faded passion over the years. This is the second time that this has happened. I got comfortable, didn't take care of my health, and didn't cater to her needs. By the time we discuss what the problems are, she is already talking to other men. Sending inappropriate pictures, videos, you name it. I recently found out about 2 weeks ago that she started these conversations again, and I immediately confronted her about it which initiated a series of serious talks to identify the core problems. During this period she becomes insatiable. Going from normally intimate to wanting passion every single day. This tore be up as I never truly felt like it was genuine and in the back of my mind this was a by product of these inappropriate conversations with other men. Wanting to move forward, I got a babysitter for a 4 day weekend with the intentions on spending quality time with her. The first day was fantastic (now keep in mind that up until this point she never made it seem like she was unhappy) it was full of passion, and I felt like our hearts were bursting for each other.
Well, I was wrong.
I found out the next morning that she was on the phone with another man for multiple hours while she was just "running to the store." I lost my cool, I confronted her about it, and that's when she told me that she was done. We went from pure ecstasy to where she has "anxiety attacks" just being in the same room as me. Asked for counseling, to which she immediately declined. She's cordial with me, as I will need some time to get my ducks in a row (she will keep the house etc) and shes understanding. Its been 5 days, I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for creating a void, for neglecting her emotional and physical needs. I can only sleep 1-2 hours at a time, with an average of 4 hours a night. She stays home for the most part, but she stays in the garage where she can smoke and continue to have long conversations with other men. I know about these continued conversations, and have confronted her about them but they are still happening. She tells me that these other men "make her feel better" and that she recognizes that its wrong, but part of her doesn't care as she doesn't respect me.
She said that shes not mad at me, that she doesn't hate me, that she thinks I'm a good person, and that she is "hurt that she's hurting me." I'm just seriously torn, it all seems all of a sudden, and now I feel like I've been immediately replaced. Like I said earlier, we're cordial for the most part, we spend time together as a family, and we even have times where we can both laugh. She's openly said that shes forcing herself to try to fix our marriage, that she has been trying to work on us for some time now but I never took her seriously. She acknowledges that I am trying, but that it's too late.
What am I supposed to do? I'm tore between fighting for her love again, but I also partially have resentment because she doesn't seem to care at all when it comes to talking to these other men. I have truly realized that I have peronal issues that I need to take care of and I am now focusing on myself, my health, career, and other demons that I battle. I'm trying my best to give her space, but deep down I have this incredible urge to just hold her, to make things better, to fix our marriage.