My wife of two years, been together for 5, recently left me because she said we were different and had different interests. We have had problems before. I have depression and it seemed to build a wall and create conflict now and then. I wouldn't want to do things, seem distant, etc. I never got help. She decided that she didn't love me and she left. I got very upset and said some mean things to her, even threatened suicide. Over Christmas while I was out of town, she came and took all over her belongings, she only left wedding related things, including her dress. She started school this past fall in a town an hour away and is now living there. Before she left she was commuting. I've apologized to her, told her how much I love her, gotten help for my depression and read many books. I feel much better, but she still won't contact me. I haven't spoken to her in almost 2 months. I have no idea what's going on. I don't think she would cheat, she's religious and really despised that sort of thing in others. Her family and friends have cut me off too. I just don't know what more to do or what to think.
If she does not want to talk to you there is not anything you can do about it. Well except send her an occassional email or letter. And if she asks you to stop that, then you have to stop that.
You would do best to start moving on with your life. Doing well and living well, staying with your treatment are the things that will help you. So start planning your life and doing things with your friends.
I told her I wouldn't contact her again until she contacts me. That was almost 2 weeks ago. She never told me to stop.
While I was angry that night I told her to look me in the eye and tell me she didn't love me and wanted a divorce. She did, but nothing further has been said. I feel it was kind of coerced.
I actually filed for divorce about 4 days after she left, but I came to realize I was not mentally ready and didn't want to divorce her, so I stopped it. She never said a word about me starting or stopping it.
Also, I can't be sure but I think she has some issues she needs to work out. Whether she acknowledges these or not I don't know. Her whole family is full of divorces. I know she is seeing a therapist, but I don't know what for.
Also, I can't be sure but I think she has some issues she needs to work out. Whether she acknowledges these or not I don't know. Her whole family is full of divorces. I know she is seeing a therapist, but I don't know what for.
Has she always been so secretive about what's up with her?
Has she always been so secretive about what's up with her?
Not at all, just lately. I think its her way of pulling away. We always had conflict resolution problems and because of my depression, I never acknowledged any of it. I've read depression and relationship books and feel so much more knowledgeable about what went wrong. I even recommended these books to her. Don't know if she's reading them. The complete silence baffles me.
Also, by leaving all the wedding stuff, it's like she's trying to erase me from her life. It hurts a lot.
Anyone else have anything to add? I've been looking at all the other posts and simply can't find one where someone moved out, no affairs, no violence, and cut off all communication. It's coming up on 2 months now.
If you're absolutely certain about the lack of an affair, look for very strong emotional support, borderline brainwashing by unsafe friends/therapists.
I was as dumbfounded as you were. I stalked my wife 24/7 and found nothing. She sounded insanely confident about her decision on leaving me and I simply didn't understand how an emotionally broken, angry person could find it so easy to leave her comfort zone (home) with no remorse or doubt. She turned into a completely different person altogether. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this kind of thing, but after reading a lot (I mean a lot) and experiencing it first hand, I have now lost hope in humanity (read women) altogether.
If you're absolutely certain about the lack of an affair, look for very strong emotional support, borderline brainwashing by unsafe friends/therapists.
I was as dumbfounded as you were. I stalked my wife 24/7 and found nothing. She sounded insanely confident about her decision on leaving me and I simply didn't understand how an emotionally broken, angry person could find it so easy to leave her comfort zone (home) with no remorse or doubt. She turned into a completely different person altogether. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this kind of thing, but after reading a lot (I mean a lot) and experiencing it first hand, I have now lost hope in humanity (read women) altogether.
If you threatened suicide, that's fairly severe. I mean, it's a form of emotional bondage, and it usually doesn't occur in isolation. What I mean is that there are probably other forms of psychological control and abuse that happened that you're not mentioning, maybe because of your depression you're simply not aware of the extent of the consequences of your actions and attitudes. If her whole family is full of divorce, this doesn't mean that she condones it or seeks it. It could be that she simply doesn't want to be controlled by someone who threatens abandonment, which is exactly what suicide is, when it is suggested or mentioned as an alternative in a conversation. I can see that you don't get it. You threatened suicide and yet you don't understand why your wife left? Perhaps she decided that since you didn't love yourself enough to embrace life and to seek help so that you didn't feel suicidal and depressed, she might as well not waste her effort with a relationship with you. There's such a thing as co-dependency and after your wife's history with her family, she simply decided to honor the commitment she made to herself not to spend the rest of her adult life on the receiving end of being threatened with abandonment and upheaval. I can't say as I blame her. In fact, your situation sounds almost the same as mine. Reading books is one thing, but I think you are missing the point. You are trying to make it seem as though there is no reason for your wife to have moved on. If someone moves on there is always a reason. People who have been hurt deeply by abandonment and had to move on in the past due to family divorces or other major upheavals, develop a sense of resiliency and confidence in their ability to move on. It's not that they don't indulge in regret, they just realize that unless it's used to fuel forward action, it's not an effective emotion. What you intrepret as callous or erasing history or leaving past behind is just based on how you feel and make decisions for yourself. If your wife is religious, probably artifacts such as photos or clothes are just that...carbon atoms with a certain form. It's what's inside that counts. Threatening suicide was a very bad thing to do. My H did that and because my father committed suicide and his father attempted several times and my brother attempted several times, I just looked and said something to the effect that he needed to get help. Of course, he dropped it and made up some excuse for what he had said, and then resumed his normal activities. I don't 'do' suicide threats. I might suggest therapy or offer to call a policeman or a friend to transport to hospital (I'd never get in a car with anyone who ever said they had suicidal tendencies), but I know from working in mental health what it takes to commit someone. So making a phone call unless the person was clearly a danger to self or others is just a waste of time. And because my H threatened suicide, I can never get in a car with him or be alone with him, or go hiking or climbing with him, or be in a tall building with him or even allow him to fix me coffee in the morning. He might decide to take me with him. There is no trust in someone who would threaten suicide, even if they are not truly suicidal, that is a very very low blow to use that as a trump card.
If you're absolutely certain about the lack of an affair, look for very strong emotional support, borderline brainwashing by unsafe friends/therapists.
I was as dumbfounded as you were. I stalked my wife 24/7 and found nothing. She sounded insanely confident about her decision on leaving me and I simply didn't understand how an emotionally broken, angry person could find it so easy to leave her comfort zone (home) with no remorse or doubt. She turned into a completely different person altogether. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this kind of thing, but after reading a lot (I mean a lot) and experiencing it first hand, I have now lost hope in humanity (read women) altogether.
Good grief. You think the only reason a woman would leave her husband is because of another man or brainwashing? You don't see that this kind of attitude is what would make her leave with no remorse or doubt, because she was a broken angry person with you and then turned into someone else without you....
7Likes
Wife left, won't communicate 
