This hurt to see. My stbxw and I are still friends on Facebook. I saw she liked a post a friend of ours placed on her wall (one of those images with sayings on them):
"Maybe it's not always about trying to fix something broken. Maybe it's about starting over and creating something better." My heart sank when I read that. Odd thing is that it makes sense, and I agree, but it stung to see.
Funny that the same person posted another image with the following saying: "You may think the grass is greener on the other side, but if you take the time to water your own grass it would be just as green."
Man... to have a chance to work things out with a counselor is my dream when I'm on the emotional side of the pendulum swing. But when I'm on the logic side, I know this separation is for the best. But still, I miss her so much.
I know what you mean. I made the mistake of googling mine and came across a twitter post from 1/29, the day she left. "Today I start a new adventure and new life"
We've sailed the caribbean twice in chartered sailboats with me as captain. We sailed through a hurricane once, just the 2 of us on a 32' sailboat. We went 130 mph around a racetrack with her on the back of my harley. We've had countelss adventures and good times here at home. Now at 47 and with no job, she moves back in with her parents to 'find herself' and it's an adventure. Go figure. But it hurts none the less. Google and FB are not your friend at a time like this. I haven't updated FB in over a year, but I'm going to put that grass is greener one on there today.
Does anyone know if you put your wife on ignore on FB if she'll be notified? I don't want to know when mine changes her marital status, or updates anything for that matter. But I'm still hoping for a reconciliation, maybe she'll come to her senses before I come to mine and dump her.
While it seems like it, you're not alone in this canguy. We're with ya and pulling for ya.
I doubt it's intended this way, but fwiw that quote could apply to starting your existing marriage all over, tossing out the past, and moving forward together.
I doubt it's intended this way, but fwiw that quote could apply to starting your existing marriage all over, tossing out the past, and moving forward together.
Possibly, since she still has a sliver of hope we might get back together... she did keep our wedding things, at least for now. But I am trying not to beat myself up over all this... I know I still need to focus on myself and move forward, not obsess over what would be. Knowing that to do and actually doing it are two different things.
Plus, I know at this point it's important I don't pursue. I take one step forward and it will make her want to take three back.
I doubt it's intended this way, but fwiw that quote could apply to starting your existing marriage all over, tossing out the past, and moving forward together.
I had the same thought. When I still had hope that my STBXW and I could work things out, I let her know that everything was on the table as far as lifestyle, habits, jobs, where we live, how we live, etc. I knew she wanted a fresh start, and I was willing to take a fresh look at the choices I make, so that we could try for a fresh start together.
It became very clear that her view of a fresh start did not include me, so that went out the window. But, for a time, it was actually invigorating to think of the two of us starting over, together.
I knew she wanted a fresh start, and I was willing to take a fresh look at the choices I make, so that we could try for a fresh start together. It became very clear that her view of a fresh start did not include me, so that went out the window. But, for a time, it was actually invigorating to think of the two of us starting over, together.
Sorry to hear it didn't work out. How long ago did this happen? You doing ok now?
That's what I am trying to be careful about... false hope.
Sorry to hear it didn't work out. How long ago did this happen? You doing ok now?
That's what I am trying to be careful about... false hope.
I'm doing OK...she walked out 4 1/2 months ago, seeming very lost and confused about her life. I kept every door open for reconciliation until about a month ago when she flat out said during a MC session that she did not want to be together anymore, and that she wasn't willing to try. Two days later, I closed all our joint accounts and started preparing to protect me and the kids for the long run. We're older (she's 54, I'm 50), as are the kids (16 and 14 at home with me).
It's been hard, but having clarity was infinitely better than living in chaos without knowing what she was thinking. I guess it comes down to the old line, "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst."
I am going through the same struggle. I want so desperately to fix our marriage and make it work. But I am starting to fear/accept/recognize that maybe.... and I don't want to admit this... it is not possible. Maybe too much damage is done and we cannot salvage this. I have told her that I think she is my soulmate and I still love her and want to make it work. But she has filed for divorce and says that I need to let her go. This struggle sucks so much!
I fear I'm in the same boat... doubt she's interested to try again, but right now I'm careful not to pursue. Just giving her space and myself time to heal as best I can. Not easy, still some some days, but I try to move forward best I can.
A friend who has been through a couple of painful break-ups says in hindsight, letting go was difficult, but worth it... he's now married to a wonderful woman. Their relationship is nearly effortless. He also said when he was finally able to let go it was a huge relief, but like us, he struggled to get there. Time, trying to be part of him own solution, and counselling helped.
__________________ "Now remember, when things look bad and it looks like you're not gonna make it, then you gotta get mean. I mean plumb, mad-dog mean. 'Cause if you lose your head and you give up then you neither live nor win. That's just the way it is." -- Clint Eastwood
Canguy, why are you even looking at FB? I don't do FB, and I am perfectly content. You seem to invite pain.
You got me there. My way of still having some semblance of connection, and she has not blocked me either. But yes, I can't deny there's some masochism to it.
In other news... house goes on the market tomorrow. Saddens me because this is an amazing house and I will most definitely be downsizing, but screw it. There are other places to live, and I'll have more $$ for travelling while I'm healthy.
Had a great session with my IC this evening, which has energized me some... making slow but steady progress, despite the backslides and roller coaster rides. Finally.
You got me there. My way of still having some semblance of connection, and she has not blocked me either. But yes, I can't deny there's some masochism to it.
Canguy
"Suffering is not holding you. You are holding suffering"
Think about it.
You will be fine and you will get through this, it will happen the moment you realize that you are the one holding onto this. Some of us spend so much time looking at the door that closed we don't notice the one that opened. The only constant thing to life is change and as Buddha said, we only lose that which we cling to. Just live your life and enjoy each moment and try your level headed best to move on. Every end is actually a beginning in itself. Keep strong
"Suffering is not holding you. You are holding suffering"
Think about it.
You will be fine and you will get through this, it will happen the moment you realize that you are the one holding onto this. Some of us spend so much time looking at the door that closed we don't notice the one that opened. The only constant thing to life is change and as Buddha said, we only lose that which we cling to. Just live your life and enjoy each moment and try your level headed best to move on. Every end is actually a beginning in itself. Keep strong
What you said is the same as the banner for Talk About Marriage, "Because the only Constant in life is change." Scroll up to the top of the page and see.
But anyway, the only way to get over someone is to have no contact with them whatsoever. Not even checking on their facebook's pages. Act like they don't exist anymore or think that you never have them in your life in the first place. You can't lose something that doesn't exist.
Just de-friend or un-friend (whatever) your wife off FB, or block her. Be done with her.
Or why not just get rid of your internet altogether? I'm seriously thinking about getting rid of mine. Wife and I are happier without the distraction of it.
__________________ "Now remember, when things look bad and it looks like you're not gonna make it, then you gotta get mean. I mean plumb, mad-dog mean. 'Cause if you lose your head and you give up then you neither live nor win. That's just the way it is." -- Clint Eastwood
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This hurt to see 
