Thanks to everyone for their advice and opinions so far.
Update on the situation -
My wife is still currently staying at her friends and I am at home with the kids.
We agreed that she could have the house on Friday night/Saturday with the the kids and I would have it Saturday night/Sunday day.
I stayed with my brother on the Friday night, we chatted a lot as he has been through this. His girlfriend of 5 years gave him the same speech, after 3 months of trying he had had enough and told her to move out and back in with her parents, that was 3 years ago.
She has regretted it since and twice asked for another chance, but he tells her he is happy now and doesn't need any additional stress in his life. He says he gets lonely sometimes but weighs this up against the emotional turmoil he went through with her, he has peace in his life at the moment and he is in a good place, although he does miss his daughter when he's not with her.
Speaking to people who are going through this/been through this is certainly cathartic.
I saw her on the Saturday evening for about half an hour whilst she got her things together before heading back to her friends, we had a coffee and a quick catch up. I told her I was taking the kids swimming Sunday afternoon so she wanted to come.
Swimming was fine but afterwards the conversation and mood deteriorated between us. She dropped me off at home and she took the kids to her Nans house for the afternoon. My mood sank so low that afternoon and I curled up and went to sleep for a while.
When she returned home I invited her in for a coffee and we both agreed that spending time together today was the wrong thing to do, it put too much pressure on us to act all 'happy families'. We had a nice chat about work, the kids, general things and we also commented that it was nice to talk to each other about other stuff, with no talk of our marriage in the conversation the mood was much better.
That was Sunday evening, I have not spoken to her since, I haven't texted her. The next time I will speak/see her will be tomorrow evening when we 'house swap' for the night.
She is taking the kids away to her sisters this weekend so I will have the house to myself, that scares me a little, I don't like an empty house, my house has always been full of noise and laughter, so I've asked my brother to stay with me for one night.
It's strange really, my emotions change so frequently with regards to the whole situation, sometimes I become so depressed with it all (mornings are definitely the hardest), then sometimes so positive and then sometimes I get angry at her. Sometimes I say to myself that if she isn't in love with me, why should I fight for her? Why bother? I deserve better.
Yes, there were times I could have helped more, but I don’t go out drinking with my friends much, I don’t cheat, I buy her things, always tell her I love her and appreciate it her. I get the kids ready in the morning, I make their lunches, I pick them up. I'm a good father and a good husband, but my my own admission I could have helped more on the weekend mornings and don't I regret this now!
She has faults too, things that drive me crazy sometimes but I don't just fall out of love with her.
She seems like another person soemtimes, not the one I know and love, not the woman I married. She seems cold and emotionless sometimes, a stranger who just looks like my wife.
I miss my best friend.
I have taken into consideration some of your views regarding another man but at this stage I have to rule it out. I have access to her social networking accounts, her personal emails, her contacts list on her phone, her phone records and her location during the day. I have checked it all out and continue to check it out but there there is nothing.
In her own words on Sunday, she said that the during the last argument we had, something snapped inside her and now she feels nothing for me. Whether time apart will heal whatever has snapped I do not know, but I do know that living under the same roof was definitely not going to work for both of us, we would have definitely started to hate each other.
She seems like another person soemtimes, not the one I know and love, not the woman I married. She seems cold and emotionless sometimes, a stranger who just looks like my wife.
I miss my best friend.
100% my friend. I know exactly what you mean. I didn't really see the signs coming from my wife, probably because we were already so far apart, but now that I look back and look at the way she is acting now... she's not the person I fell in love with and married.
100% my friend. I know exactly what you mean. I didn't really see the signs coming from my wife, probably because we were already so far apart, but now that I look back and look at the way she is acting now... she's not the person I fell in love with and married.
I don't think any of us (if we have been married for years) are the same person our spouses fell in love with. I know I have changed in 3 decades! Heck, I have changed in 3 months!
Cloudy78 also said: She seems cold and emotionless sometimes, a stranger who just looks like my wife.
I miss my best friend.
I bet my H would say the same exact thing and I could about him as well (in the last 3 months). Honestly, I agreed that I was becoming very critical/coldish... but I had my reasons for some of it. He wasn't listening to my needs and I wasn't listening to the warning signs either. I wish I would have been more focused on the man I love and less on myself, work, and my kids
I don't think any of us (if we have been married for years) are the same person our spouses fell in love with. I know I have changed in 3 decades! Heck, I have changed in 3 months!
Well, obviously people change, but they don't turn from a loving, caring, fun-driven wife into a cold, uncaring, nonchalant person normally.
Well, obviously people change, but they don't turn from a loving, caring, fun-driven wife into a cold, uncaring, nonchalant person normally.
1) I totally agree... she is in there somewhere! The change is too drastic. Professionals say they don't change that quick/drastic. So either one of our judgements were wrong which is it first or present?
2) Again I think my H would say I have. I think it's his perspective of me at this moment in time... and a lot of re-writing history. He has a lot of contempt/resentment toward me right now. I think I have Right now I don't think that highly of him either. He is purposely being mean, hurtful, spiteful, and has chosen to walk away w/o trying. I know I could change my mind and take all this back and say he has turned into the warm, gentle, caring man, great lover with deep morals/values if he were to go to therapy or seek help from somewhere and worked on saving this family from collapse but he is choosing a cowardly way out. In his eyes that would make him weak.
Well, i just found out. My wife has been sleeping with another man.
I am devastated. I am in shock.
I had a thought tonight when I got in. As i was unable to ever check her iPhone, i decided to erase mine and restore it from her last backup, which luckily was tonight. Once the phone booted back up it was pretty much a clone of hers, I had all her text messages.
All I can say is the ones between her and the OM were so vulgar and heartbreaking to read. To read what they had been doing together and the language they used, it is soul destroying.
I rang her and told her I knew, she denied it at first but when I told her I had all her text messages she was shocked. I told her to come home and tell me everything to my face.
She has left now and I am here to pick up the pieces.
How could she ever do this me? or our family?
Dump her. It's not worth it to try to understand why, just do it and move on with your life. It's not easy, but you will feel stronger for respecting yourself.
She must feel the consequences of her actions or nothing means anything.
You can and will still feel for her, but trust yourself and move forward. You'll thank yourself in the weeks/months ahead.
"I know I could change my mind and take all this back and say he has turned into the warm, gentle, caring man, great lover with deep morals/values if he were to go to therapy or seek help from somewhere and worked on saving this family from collapse but he is choosing a cowardly way out. In his eyes that would make him weak."
Mama I could've written this myself...sadly it's very weak what they're doing.
Start divorce proceedings if you have not already done so and ask for sole custody of the kids. Hit her hard with sanctions and don't play nice. Have her served at her workplace in front of everyone and make sure her family and friends lnow what she is doing. If the other man has a wife find out who she is and tell her about the affair. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: ILYBINILWY - Any advice welcome 
