I'm waiting for you...
to be ready. Yeah, that's what I was told last night. Oh my, I am feeling so foolish and numb and hurt and angry and ARGH! I have been posting here since October so some of you know my tale---long and short, my husband left me in October, November we had sex then he cut that off, December he reached out to me again---said he missed me so we've been "dating." At first he was attentive but lately (last 4 weeks) he's been disconnected and in my opinion, a bit cruel but tells me he's being 'honest' so if I get hurt then it's on me---that's really short but I think gets the gist.
Last night, we got together---dinner and then for the first time since he left, we came here to my house which was our home (we had always been meeting at his house b/c he was uncomfortable being here). Things were ok, then we had sex and within about 5 minutes, he asked, "you're not going to be mad if I don't stay here right? I'm uncomfortable and all I can think about is when I shot up (yes, he is a recovering addict) and when we fought about *** (my son, which is the reason why he said he left---my son is mentally/emotionally ill)."
I have been really, really good with keeping my emotions at bay for these past couple of months---trying the 180 approach sort of---but last night? I cried and I couldn't stop and he freaked out!!! He was angry and yelling---it was bad. I didn't raise my voice but he's convinced that I was out of control---I did say that I felt like a *****. He was fully dressed--hat and all--ready to bolt and I'm still naked in the bed we just frolicked in. He said I was acting like a teenage girl! What??? Then he said I was making it all about me, double-what???
Oh, and we're going through the whole preparing taxes thing---file separately, file together debate---accountant working both ways. The house is mine and I found out I can't claim it if we file separately b/c we're still married, something to do with deduction amounts....we talked about this earlier in the evening. So as he's leaving and I'm naked and crying, he says "if you want to claim the house, we can do the divorce so that can happen" OMG--OUCH!!! It was more than I could bear at that point, I had no words and he left.
After I had gathered myself together and put some freakin' clothes on, I called him. He was completely disconnected and shut down (I know him well) and after a few words back and forth, I asked him "why haven't you filed for divorce if you're so done with this marriage?" he said "I'm waiting for you to be ready." I'm sorry, and I know I've said it a few times in this post, but WHAT????
Anyone have any input for this foolish very-soon-to-be-40 year old woman (not teenage girl)?