02-13-2012, 07:50 AM
Join Date: Feb 2011
| | Is it normal to feel this way?
I just need to know what I'm feeling is okay. So we separated back in Oct. Was trying to work on it, but when I tried he stopped. Long story, my mom was sick for two years, was taking care of her and everything was on the backburnner, but he was never there for me anyway - alot of resentment on both parts I guess. Well after she passed, we started counseling again, I put the effort in, he backed away. We had a blowout and he didn't know if he wanted to be married anymore. Found out he joined an outline dating thru facebook. Told him he made his decision - he said I didn't know what he was talking about. Well he moved out in Oct. We were trying to be amicable about it cuz of the kids. Fast forward to Dec. He has the kids Xmas Eve (15 & 17 age). In Jan he went away to FL. Then I find out out he went with his new GF and even took her to FL to meet his parents and was with her Xmas Eve with my kids. He told kids about her but told them not to tell me. Kids are kinda messed up now when I found out I was so hurt kids lied, but know they were asked to by their dad which was wrong on so many levels.
So my question is.... even though the marriage was over, I just feel so easily disposable. I thought that maybe the separation would do us good, put things in perspective and see if we really wanted this or if we could work it out. I was such a good wife for such a very long time, but when I needed to have a good husband (never really was always what I could do for him, not what he could do for me) he just wasn't there. Everyone says its for the best that he has showed his true colors, I just feel so hurt by it all, after losing my mom (we were very close) and then for him to do this, its like he never really cared and the 20 years were just so he could have a caretaker. He is now living the life with a GF, clubbing, dinners and spending money that we don't have cuz we are supporting two households. I have kids most of the time and he just squeezes them in. (need I say that he is not well either and I took care of him for a long time - he had a heart attack right after mom passed and didn't like that I couldn't react to it which yes I couldn't I was still so numb).
I feel like the time and effort and all the good times were so easily erased, again that I was so disposable and when I was in desparte need of him - he just left. Any suggestions to get out of this slump and get my confidence back up?