Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment
Yesterday morning, my STBXW broke the nine month "cone of silence" and called me, jumping my case about some money movements I made within my bank account. I told her to back the truck up a second as I explained the situation. She then, if you can believe this, asked why it was that I had stayed silent over this span of time and not offered any kind of substantive plan of attack with her for reconciliation. My response was that since I was put out on the side of the road like some kind of a stray dog, I didn't feel that one was in order, and if I did it would do me absolutely no good. She then started in on me as to why I had retained legal counsel, since she had filed the original petition for divorce, and that she and her attorney was going "to give me a more than equitable settlement." My stock answer was that I needed legal representation as well and wanted someone there to look out for my interests.
I applauded her for taking the initiative to pick up the phone to call me after all these months telling her that I had started believing that she had emotionally detached herself from me and had found someone else more suitable to her liking. Her response was that the only person that had courted her was "misery," and I jokingly told her that I think that same person had been to my house a few times too.
I told her that since she exercised the initiative to finally make contact with me, I would extend the olive branch and wanted her to make a plan to go back into IC then MC with me, with each of us drawing up a list of expectations of the other and then attempting to iron things out before the counselor. Told her that I still loved her, but didn't like what she had done. She said that in her heart, she felt like maybe "we really loved each other, but didn't need to be married to each other," but that she would have to "consider it," saying that she would get around to giving me an answer later.
I followed that up with a very long letter to her last night accepting the blame for some of her troubles but also reitterated my verbal stance from the earlier telephone conversation. She, as of this moment, still has not replied to the letter or has called me back. My attorney said that she would temporarily suspend activity on the filing other than making an answer to the STBXW's original petition.
I'm still somewhat leary of holding out a lot of hope, in that statistically, the longer a separation goes on, the more diminished the chances are for any genuine reconciliation.
To that end, should I just set a definitive timeframe on the receipt of an answer from her on my verbal proposal, and then go "full steam ahead?". Or do you really think that she might be just buying time for some unknown reason and just playing me along?
Last edited by arbitrator; 03-08-2012 at 10:27 PM.