Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 633 (permalink) Old 03-06-2012, 11:05 PM
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

Dude,

Texas is a community property state and you may be entitled to spousal support on an interim basis, depending on what was in the pre-nup. Why do you care about whether she is seeing someone now or not. It has been months and she is moving on. You need to too. Sorry you are here.Don't delay the inevitable. Get a divorce. seek a fair distribution of assets and move on


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post #17 of 633 (permalink) Old 03-08-2012, 10:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

Yesterday morning, my STBXW broke the nine month "cone of silence" and called me, jumping my case about some money movements I made within my bank account. I told her to back the truck up a second as I explained the situation. She then, if you can believe this, asked why it was that I had stayed silent over this span of time and not offered any kind of substantive plan of attack with her for reconciliation. My response was that since I was put out on the side of the road like some kind of a stray dog, I didn't feel that one was in order, and if I did it would do me absolutely no good. She then started in on me as to why I had retained legal counsel, since she had filed the original petition for divorce, and that she and her attorney was going "to give me a more than equitable settlement." My stock answer was that I needed legal representation as well and wanted someone there to look out for my interests.

I applauded her for taking the initiative to pick up the phone to call me after all these months telling her that I had started believing that she had emotionally detached herself from me and had found someone else more suitable to her liking. Her response was that the only person that had courted her was "misery," and I jokingly told her that I think that same person had been to my house a few times too.

I told her that since she exercised the initiative to finally make contact with me, I would extend the olive branch and wanted her to make a plan to go back into IC then MC with me, with each of us drawing up a list of expectations of the other and then attempting to iron things out before the counselor. Told her that I still loved her, but didn't like what she had done. She said that in her heart, she felt like maybe "we really loved each other, but didn't need to be married to each other," but that she would have to "consider it," saying that she would get around to giving me an answer later.

I followed that up with a very long letter to her last night accepting the blame for some of her troubles but also reitterated my verbal stance from the earlier telephone conversation. She, as of this moment, still has not replied to the letter or has called me back. My attorney said that she would temporarily suspend activity on the filing other than making an answer to the STBXW's original petition.

I'm still somewhat leary of holding out a lot of hope, in that statistically, the longer a separation goes on, the more diminished the chances are for any genuine reconciliation.

To that end, should I just set a definitive timeframe on the receipt of an answer from her on my verbal proposal, and then go "full steam ahead?". Or do you really think that she might be just buying time for some unknown reason and just playing me along?

Last edited by arbitrator; 03-08-2012 at 10:27 PM.
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post #18 of 633 (permalink) Old 03-09-2012, 07:23 AM
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

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I told her that since she exercised the initiative to finally make contact with me, I would extend the olive branch and wanted her to make a plan to go back into IC then MC with me, with each of us drawing up a list of expectations of the other and then attempting to iron things out before the counselor. Told her that I still loved her, but didn't like what she had done. She said that in her heart, she felt like maybe "we really loved each other, but didn't need to be married to each other," but that she would have to "consider it," saying that she would get around to giving me an answer later.

I followed that up with a very long letter to her last night accepting the blame for some of her troubles but also reitterated my verbal stance from the earlier telephone conversation. She, as of this moment, still has not replied to the letter or has called me back. My attorney said that she would temporarily suspend activity on the filing other than making an answer to the STBXW's original petition.

I'm still somewhat leary of holding out a lot of hope, in that statistically, the longer a separation goes on, the more diminished the chances are for any genuine reconciliation.

To that end, should I just set a definitive timeframe on the receipt of an answer from her on my verbal proposal, and then go "full steam ahead?". Or do you really think that she might be just buying time for some unknown reason and just playing me along?

Hoping for you too!

Are you in IC?

I personally have set personal deadlines just for me to re-evaluate the situation. Giving her a verbal deadline may not be the best idea yet, if she is considering it.
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post #19 of 633 (permalink) Old 03-09-2012, 01:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

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Hoping for you too!

Are you in IC?

I personally have set personal deadlines just for me to re-evaluate the situation. Giving her a verbal deadline may not be the best idea yet, if she is considering it.
With no deadline of any kind given to my STBXW, I just got an email reply from her very early this morning to effect of absolutely "no reconciliation." STBXW went on to call me a "thief" for my moving of money in my bank account to help pay for bills and whatnot. She also attached a 6 year spreadsheet alleging that the amount that I now owed her for everything over the course of our 7 + year marriage, by her own estimates as being in the neighborhhod of some 250K. I knew that she had been "concerned" about her financial status, but I had absolutely no idea that "the meter had been running on me for the duration of our marriage and even into the present.

I greatly am beginning to feel as if there was never any love in her heart for me, even at the outset; but rather only a love for her financial status and her finstats. I can only hope that she, in time, will come to re-establish her relationship with Christ and truly place priority on the more important things in life, more especially love. I both love her, and feel sorry for her simultaneously. But with the absence on her part to even vaguely want to begin work on the fostering of communication in the reconciliatory process and coupled with her statement saying that reconciliation is not an option for her, I've asked my attorney to move on ahead with the divorce proceedings and with all deliberate speed.

And yes, I'm definitely in IC and am forwarding everything to my attorney, my pastor, as well as to my IC. Please continue to stay in prayer for us, guys!
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post #20 of 633 (permalink) Old 03-09-2012, 02:09 PM
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

Sending prayers your way, Arbitrator...Hope everything goes well.
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post #21 of 633 (permalink) Old 03-09-2012, 02:11 PM
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

Hang in there
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post #22 of 633 (permalink) Old 03-09-2012, 07:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

Having extended the olive branch to her in making a proposition trying to get her to agree to start joint verbal dialogue before our IC/MC; and after she stated verbally that she would "consider it," less than 18 hours later, I received an email from my STBXW, stating that reconciliation was not even a remote possibility along with a copy of the proposed final decree of divorce attached that her attorney had drawn up for her. She also proposed letting me off of the hook by paying her only 60K of the allegedly owed 250K(by her own figures) that could be paid to her in monthly increments with 6% interest.

Quite frankly, by summer, I could well be very close to being financially insolvent. Is being poor any kind of a defense to being raked over the coals of a pre-nup? She seems rather antzy in wanting to get this done ASAP. Some third party friends/acquaintances thought that she had reeked financial havoc on her first husband that she divorced as he was quite wealthy. Now that she married what amounts to be a poor man by comparison in me, it would appear that she's using the prenup as the same modus operandi.

I've always heard of "black widows" before, but could there really be another variety of arachnid aptly called a "green widow?"

Last edited by arbitrator; 03-10-2012 at 08:50 AM.
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post #23 of 633 (permalink) Old 03-13-2012, 12:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

Spring Break: Got both boys home and everything was very pleasant until oldest one got back from a side trip to see the STBXW. He had actually taken his little brother to visit a college in a nearby county, then the side trip to STBXW's home; and he came home somewhat moody, mildly blaming me for everything. We got into a mild argument and out of anger, I told him that he appeared to be taking sides with his step-mom. His response was something to the effect of "well, that's better than taking sides with some of the locals opposed to her!" I also discovered that she had sent him home with one of my mantle clocks.

It's beyond heart-breaking to have my own son now seemingly turning against me and giving me the silent treatment.

And to add insult to injury, earlier this AM, I was astonished to discover that STBXW, who is supposedly financially well-heeled, took the liberty of moving/transferring some $1,500.00 out of my bank account(accounts tied together) and into hers. It's really starting out as being the beginning of a terrible day!
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post #24 of 633 (permalink) Old 04-03-2012, 04:20 PM
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

Arbitrator,

Your wayward wife is pretty evil. It is like she is charging you for the marriage.

Have an attorney respond with a similar invoice for $500,000.00.

It should be for abandonment and and a few other charges you can think of like mental anguish.

Be creative.

Do not settle for being broke even with a prenup.

What a *****. She cheats, calls you to ***** at you after ignoring for 9 months and then gets your boy upset.

Fight, fight, fight and then divorce the evil one!!

Good Luck Buddy,

HM64
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post #25 of 633 (permalink) Old 04-03-2012, 05:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

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Arbitrator,

Your wayward wife is pretty evil. It is like she is charging you for the marriage.

Have an attorney respond with a similar invoice for $500,000.00.

It should be for abandonment and and a few other charges you can think of like mental anguish.

Be creative.

Do not settle for being broke even with a prenup.

What a *****. She cheats, calls you to ***** at you after ignoring for 9 months and then gets your boy upset.

Fight, fight, fight and then divorce the evil one!!

Good Luck Buddy,

HM64
Thanks, HM64! Your advice is much like that of a friend of mine who is a retired prosecutor from South Texas. He thought that there was a tad too much co-mingling of the assets to satisfy the pre-nup laws here in Texas. To that end, he recommended telling her attorney to let each of us go our separate ways with what we have; or that we were, in effect, going to attempt to legally "bust" the pre-nup, which could take some 18-24 months to do with all the discovery motions of her overt as well as covert assets(data that she, no doubt, would prefer that no one would get the opportunity to see), thereby staving off any final decree of divorce for the forseeable future. The divorce was filed in a small rural county where just about everybody knows everybody and it could get to be locally "newsworthy", at least by the local media. His thought process was that STBXW would definitely not want to go that route as she greatly values her freedom and privacy, for whatever reason, and wants it given back to her post haste.

It good to see that great minds think alike! Thanks for all of your support!

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post #26 of 633 (permalink) Old 04-04-2012, 12:47 PM
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

Arb,

Does she still have access to any joint accounts?

Our joint account has about $100.00 in it.

I keep it that way.
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post #27 of 633 (permalink) Old 04-04-2012, 02:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

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Arb,

Does she still have access to any joint accounts?

Our joint account has about $100.00 in it.

I keep it that way.

STBXW asked that I vacate the account ASAP and open my own. Same advice from my attorney when we saw that STBXW could move money freely from one account to another. Long story short, STBXW insisted on having my bank account, my son's, and her kids accounts all umbrellaed under hers so that she could freely transfer money to any of those accounts as she saw fit. Which was not a problem until quite recently when she moved better than $1,500.00 from mine and into hers. So now, upon the advice of counsel, I'm keeping that account intentionally low until my next retirement disbursement comes and then I'll open up my own account.

I thought that just changing my password on my account would prevent her from nosing around or even being able to make transactions from my account, but I was greatly mistakened. So I'll be leaving that account with probably $0.01 left as its balance when I vacate it.

She still is the executor of my 401k provided I die anytime soon and I can't change that until such time that the gavel actually falls, declaring us legally divorced. It's either that, or she would have to willingly waive her right to do that. But in any event, her executor status gives her absolutely no access nor right to those funds usage much less their disclosure unless, God forbid, that I kick the bucket. Ultimately, I would like to have my oldest son placed into that executor's position.

Last edited by arbitrator; 04-04-2012 at 02:18 PM.
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post #28 of 633 (permalink) Old 04-05-2012, 03:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

Got an email from my attorneys office with an attachment from my STBXW's attorney with some 25 pages of discovery documents, all of it dealing with my financial info. About the only thing I can give them is my drivers license, passport, and some of my 401k info. Any other info. is sitting right there in STBXW's house, under her nose that I can't get access to. The rest of it is totally non-existant.

Guess I can answer those questions with, "just have the wife look up in the attic or somewhere in her files" or "I'll be more than happy to oblige; just allow me a week to come over there and do an unsupervised and unassisted search!"
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post #29 of 633 (permalink) Old 04-22-2012, 10:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

Update: Had to travel to old hometown earlier today for a Church related function with two good friends from my local church. Spent the afternoon at a convocation there, having dinner at a local eatery there. Following dinner, we toured the town passing by the big home that STBXW and I lived in(she's still there) and it pretty much broke my heart. Not exactly from missing her, though. Saw STBXW's vehicle parked in the driveway along with another unidentified vehicle parked streetside.

The grass had been allowed to grow up in excess of 18 inches tall. I mean the place looked like it was being readied for Halloween. I know she has a riding tractor mower as well as a self-propelled mower to do the upkeep with, and it just literally rips my heart out to see the place in that obvious state of dishevelment. I don't know if she has let it get in that shape due to depression or what, but I understand that she still stays gone from home a great deal. So I really don't know what the problem might be.

I'll be keeping myself rather busy in attempting to get my answers ready and completed for her set of interrogatories and document production by tomorrow. Please continue to keep us in your prayers!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 04-22-2012 at 10:50 PM.
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post #30 of 633 (permalink) Old 05-23-2012, 10:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

STBXW called college aged son(mine from previous marriage) yesterday requesting yet another lunch date to discuss his college tuition that she is willingly fronting, as well as his personal income taxes. My son met with her and came back home, but seemed to be intentionally vague when I queried him about their lunchtime discussion.

As his father, should I just let sleeping dogs lie, or do I have any kind of right to know what is actually being discussed between the two of them, in light of the somewhat contentious nature of our divorce proceedings?

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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