Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 634 (permalink) Old 06-30-2012, 06:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

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Arb,

Your WW is a bi*ch!

You should reach out to her family.

Ask them if they can let you into the house so you can get your stuff while she is away.

Mention the facebook "divorced" status to them and remind them you have not even gone to court yet.

Or better yet maybe the sheriff can give you access since you are technically married.

Again I feel for you but stop thinking about her. You knew she was cheating.

The only good thing is she is paying for your kids education out of guilt.

I do hope she does not charge that to you in the D proceedings.

Stay strong. The lady definitely has a screw loose.

HM64
Would like to see her folks but until my attorney gives me the legal "all-clear," that's not possible. Since I do not do FB, I do not really want to identify my FB source of info, as I may need help there as proceedings loom. But it does make me think about opening up a FB account of my own. Would there be any investigative benefits in doing that? Please feel free to let me have any of your thought processes on that particular subject matter!

I don't think she'd charge back any educational expenses on collegiate son. The prep school son's senior year was funded by me, but she could go try to go back on me for his sophomore and junior years.

Legal counsel seems to think that she's living a pipe dream in getting anything from me primarily because (1) she volunteered to pay for it without the full execution of a repayment contract, and (2) I do not have the monetary assets nor the longetivity of life expectancy to pay her back. According to Texas law, if a prenup, no matter how well-intentioned it is, leaves one of the partners in a destitute or near-destitute state, then it can be deemed to be "unconsciable" and can well render it to be invalid, in effect busting the prenup and thus opening up the door to litigating the division of property under community property rules. She could make no claims against my inherited property, just as I could make no claim on any of her existing personal property acquired prior to marriage.

In essence, I don't really want anything of hers, community property or otherwise! But I would stringently allow it to be used strictly as an instrument of negotiation.


"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 07-01-2012 at 03:44 AM.
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post #62 of 634 (permalink) Old 07-01-2012, 11:14 PM
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

Adultery makes a decent difference in Texas right?
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post #63 of 634 (permalink) Old 07-01-2012, 11:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

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Adultery makes a decent difference in Texas right?
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Not entirely! Texas is one of those newfangled "no fault" divorce states. Since we have the presence of a pre-nup, it will fall under those guidelines. However, if my attorney has the prenup declared "unconsciable" because its implementation would leave one of the marriage partners either destitute or near-destitution, then the presiding judge can invalidate it(break it), and then declare community property division. If that were to happen, then my attorney could petition for an "at-fault" hearing, which under those guidelines would allow for any evidence of infidelity to be admitted. Right now, STBXW already has 7 figures assets, and is demanding anywhere from 65K to 250K from me, who has neither! So we may very well be going the "Unconsciable Prenup" route!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #64 of 634 (permalink) Old 07-01-2012, 11:31 PM
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

For the pre-nup had you consulted an attorney at the time you signed it? Or was the signing date very close to the wedding date? I've read judges usually throw them away in those two cases.
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post #65 of 634 (permalink) Old 07-01-2012, 11:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

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For the pre-nup had you consulted an attorney at the time you signed it? Or was the signing date very close to the wedding date? I've read judges usually throw them away in those two cases.
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It was signed roughly a month before. By my lawyer(now deceased) and hers. I had more funds then since I had been working for the Fed and retired to marry her; and did not work anything other than my avocational duties as well as her assigned farm duties, all at her insistence.

The present prenup would pretty much place me out on the street with a meager 401k, my inherited family's antique furniture and jewelry; and personal clothing and belongings. Now STBXW used my Mom and Dad's diamond-studded wedding rings as well as my Mom's diamond solitaire, that I inherited from their estate. She hasn't quite yet seen fit to part with those. Under Texas property division rules, if I inherit anything, it would be "off-limits" to STBXW, just as her personal property would be off-limits to me.

My conception of a pre-nup, if you will, has always been that it's primary purpose is to keep the poorer wedding partner from laying claim to the wealthier partners assets. In addition to that, STBXW seemingly is using it to try to feather her own nest, by trying to fastly suck blood out of a turnip bank that has no real literal funding!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 07-02-2012 at 06:07 AM.
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post #66 of 634 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 07:18 AM
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

Well Arb now you really know what a vampire she really is.

And the vows did not mean much to her. She thinks she is one of the entitled few.

I do hope this info helps you or your attorney.

Do you know who the OM is? Can you name him in the divorce?

I feel your pain but keep moving forward.

HM64
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post #67 of 634 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 07:28 AM
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

I'm so sorry Arb.......(((BIG HUGS)))

My little brother died on April 18, 2015 after losing the fight to cancer. Please help me be able to bury him. My parents do not have the means to do so. http://www.gofundme.com/sd4ch9bk
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post #68 of 634 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 08:35 AM
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

I'm sorry it went down this way Arb. You trusted your gut and you were proven right. I imagine your lawyer will not want this made known and mess up the case on the pre-nup.
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post #69 of 634 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 04:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

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I'm sorry it went down this way Arb. You trusted your gut and you were proven right. I imagine your lawyer will not want this made known and mess up the case on the pre-nup.
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Yesterday was rather hellish after having received this information. There are very few, if any people, however, that I can actually trust with this information, to talk with them about it.

It's really just a crap shoot if it would ever be used by my legal counsel other than possibly as a negotiation tool. My main question is:

Once the ink is signed on the divorce decree, would any of you advocate letting members of STBXW's family know exactly what came down? Her mom is in her 80's and is in delicate health. Personally, I don't think that she needs to know because of her health situation. But if she ever did find out, then I feel rather certain that there might well be a few changes made to her will possibly even disinheriting STBXW, or at least diminishing her proceeds.

I was thinking of sitting down with her brother, with the evidence in hand and letting him see the irrefutable evidence for himself, then simply let him be the messenger to her family.

Another primary question of importance is whether or not I share this newfounded information with my own sons, either before proceedings commence, or after the ink is dried on the decree.

All of your heartfelt advice would be sincerely appreciated!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 07-02-2012 at 04:43 PM.
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post #70 of 634 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 04:52 PM
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

Arb,

Whatever you need to do.

Only you can weight the pros and cons.

She is still financially supporting some of your kids stuff.

How much is that worth to you?

Is it worth your self-respect?

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post #71 of 634 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 04:58 PM
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

I would get what you can in the divorce and then expose her big time: family, friends and a nice post copied out to all her FB friends. Then sit back and enjoy watching her plug the holes in the dyke.
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post #72 of 634 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 05:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

And the biggest question is :Should I let my STBXW know that I have knowledge of all of the gory details dating back to 2010? And: Would you recommend that I consider getting a blood test of some type, knowing that she was sharing OM and me simultaneously for a while, although I haven't had relations with her or anyone since early May, 2011. And I have had no discernible symptoms of anything since then, although, at times, I just feel dirtier than hell!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #73 of 634 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 05:45 PM
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

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And the biggest question is :Should I let my STBXW know that I have knowledge of all of the gory details dating back to 2010? And: Would you recommend that I consider getting a blood test of some type, knowing that she was sharing OM and me simultaneously for a while, although I haven't had relations with her or anyone since early May, 2011. And I have had no discernible symptoms of anything since then, although, at times, I just feel dirtier than hell!
Arb,

If it were me, I'd play it cagey.

Get tested. It will help your peace of mind.

On the rest, save it for the "tough part" of the negotiations you know lie ahead.

I'd even put your evidence in a safe deposit box.

You never know who is on who's team.

BTW - my heart goes out to you. Remembering that episode in her ex's driveway was a foretaste of how she'd treat you.

I wish people could see these things as they're happening.

They'd simply RUN away as fast as possible.
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post #74 of 634 (permalink) Old 07-02-2012, 10:20 PM
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

Arb,


I agree with bandit. Settle the divorce, see what you get out of it, holding her wayward docs in case you need them.

If your Divorce settles in your favor then let the info fly to her family and your boys.

I thought about your boys when you 1st mentioned the affair details.

I think they should know what she is really like and what affairs do to families.

In the end it is up to you.

HM64
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post #75 of 634 (permalink) Old 07-03-2012, 06:51 AM
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Re: Separation is Approaching A Year Now/Feels Like Abandonment

Get tested for STDs. And have a full physical workover (stress test, EKG, the works) while you're at it.

My ex-wife's affair and our divorce took a huge toll on my health. Make sure you catch any problems before they arise. Don't show your hand to your wife. Keep those FB records as the ace in th hole should she decide to get nasty during the divorce procedings.
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