So today I had a backslide again. I had the kids the last two nights, dropped their stuff off at the house for my wife after taking them to school. Wife and I got into it, she asked me why I've been weird to her lately, that she has been trying so hard to make this as easy as possible for us. She tries to ask about my day, she says I just say yes or no answers. Well duh, I told her we are not best friends anymore. I told her that I lost a wife and a best friend. She says that she has lost a lot of friends, that people look at her as the cold hearted (female dog) and I'm the victim, that I get all the sympathy, that people can't understand why she is doing what she is doing, yada yada. I then told her that I'm just mad because it felt like she didn't fight for me, that I felt like I was disposable. She then said that she fought internally for me, went to counseling, talked with her mom. This made me mad because I told her that outwardly she knew I was fighting for her, texting her, talking to her, etc. She then basically yelled at me because she says it's not fair for people to judge how she handled this, why she is doing this, etc. She then tried to make me feel guilty because when the kids come back from my house they are sad and depressed because they see me sad. She said that she always tries to be strong for them. Well I told her I had to move out of the house, I don't get to see them everyday like I want. SHe then tried to say that she is still the same person, I'm like no way you changed. I just don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know if she is in a fog still, or just now basically this cold hearted woman that makes me feel like everything we had didn't matter. It just sucks because I loved her so completely, that I couldn't (sometimes still can't) imagine my future without her. SHe said that her counselor told her to stop worrying about the future, live for the day. There is just so much about "us" that I miss, Playing with her hair, sitting on the couch together watching our shows, etc. I told her I feel like I don't matter to her anymore. She says I do, but it's all probably lip service. She says sometimes people "just fall out of love". I told her I don't believe that, I said I believe it's a choice people make. She tried to play the angle then at how hard this life is for her, and she knew that it would be a hard life. God I could I still have feelings for this person. I wish I didn't find her so attractive still, or yearn for her physically. Inside she is so ugly to me, why can't I get past this? She obviously has gotten past me. I don't know which woman she is anymore, has she completely morphed into this cold hearted woman? I don't even know why I still care about someone so much who obviously doesn't give two craps about me. Maybe I'm afraid of the future, maybe I tied my self worth into her so much.
She then even had the gaul to mention that she thought she had someone in mind for me that would work out for me in the future. Are you serious, what is that about? How can she be so callous towards someone she used to love so much?
Mate my heart goes out to you, I find myself in a similar position and my wife has re-written history to prove that we were never (or she was never) happy. I am lucky we don't have children, but if I were you I would focus on the kids cos they look at you through honest eyes and they will know you love them and they you for the person you are. People change my friend my wife has but some people get stuck in the past and romanticise (me). Its tough in the past and I have no answers how to move to the present, not even the future cos thats too scary. I really hope you will start to feel better sooner rather than later, the rejection is the biggest hurdle and I feel that also, I have quit trying to convince her she is making a mistake and I am now trying to convince myself that she is not in fog but making a decision based on her needs selfish this may be, good luck
Man I guess that was the last false hope I was holding on to, not reconciliation, but the fact that she was/is in a fog, instead of just fundamentally changing who she is. It's like by her changing this, it makes the memories I have of have tarnished somehow. I'm hurt by her telling me that I was a great husband, am a great father, that I was her best friend, her rock, etc, but yet she still fell out of love with me. She said the last couple of years she felt like we were roommates. I told her that happens sometimes in marriage when children are involved, different schedules, etc. However we always were intimate, I tried to make sure the feelings were out there. I guess it just hurts that I can't believe her when she says she misses me, or thinks about me. It feels like lip service to me.
Proud, she sounds confused herself. I'm glad she is being treated like that I hope my H is too (but I doubt it) he has disconnected from our friends and just hangs w/ his. You say she is cold... she is disconnected which makes them feel this way to us (my H included) we try to do it when we pull a 180 (maybe we don't seem as cold as we should to them). I totally believe that love is a choice maybe you getting it out their she will think about that a little bit. Maybe you planted a seed.
It takes a while to come out of a fog and figure things out... she could still be there. Maybe reality hasn't hit yet...she hasn't seen had time to see the other side isn't as great as she was thinking.
My H has re-written history to fit his needs and I'm so tired of it.
Trying to suggest a fix up is just wrong! I hope you gave her a "look" to show how stupid that sounded coming from her mouth.
Proud, I don't know... I know my H told me several times this past 3 months that he would never be able to have sex w/ me and yet I am holding on to him (and I need sex)... it's hurtful and he's said it before to my face and via chat/text. They are being mean and yet we hang on because we know that they aren't usually like this and that we know that we fell in love w/ them... she had your children.
If I met my H in the bar... grocery store... I'd still flirt.
Mama,
Yeah I picked the kids up yesterday, and I couldn't help but notice how good her butt looked in the jeans she was wearing. It took all my might not to grab her butt, even though I know she wouldn't have stopped me. She had the nerve to tell me today that she still thinks about our kisses, etc.
God it's been over two months with her, I can't imagine having sex with someone else. We were so good for 11 years, I was always a gentleman in terms of making sure she was "happy".
The whole thing sucks. What hurts the most is last night both my kids told me they want to move in with me, that they miss their Daddy. Heartbreaking.
I'd love it if mine grabbed my @ss ... he won't touch me and hasn't in months. (yeah, I am starting to sound pretty pathetic even to me)
Maybe she just needs more time... to remember how good it was?? How old are your kids? Are you in an apt? Has any official paperwork been filed? Sorry I can't remember...
I'm sure mine would say that to their dad but mine want him back here not to live in two houses. Right now we haven't even said that daddy moved out he's either just away at work or staying in a hotel. When he comes over it's for a few mins but never more than 2 hours. It's more like 'babysitting' no real activities, which is okay because I am the one who takes them for fun stuff and makes them do their homework... I would hate for my kids to be torn between which parent to live with.
Yeah the divorce petition was filed in January, so sometime in May we will have our court date. I moved in with a coworker for the time being. The kids come over and visit me. It's tough because where I live now, is no where like I used to live. I miss it all. I feel like I'm doing the time for her crime, pardon the saying. She tried to make me feel guilty that I have all this extra time now, and she doesn't. I told her I don't like having all the extra time, I'd rather be back at home. The kids, 8 year old son & 5 year old daughter do tell me all the time they want me to move back in, and I do to.
On a side note, it's funny how when you do things at the time they seem so insignificant but when you don't have that anymore how significant it is. I was thinking this time last year we went out with a bunch of couples to celebrate her birthday; now this year she is going out to celebrate and I will be sitting at home :-(
Man I guess that was the last false hope I was holding on to, not reconciliation, but the fact that she was/is in a fog, instead of just fundamentally changing who she is. It's like by her changing this, it makes the memories I have of have tarnished somehow. I'm hurt by her telling me that I was a great husband, am a great father, that I was her best friend, her rock, etc, but yet she still fell out of love with me. She said the last couple of years she felt like we were roommates. I told her that happens sometimes in marriage when children are involved, different schedules, etc. However we always were intimate, I tried to make sure the feelings were out there. I guess it just hurts that I can't believe her when she says she misses me, or thinks about me. It feels like lip service to me.
Yeah the divorce petition was filed in January, so sometime in May we will have our court date. I moved in with a coworker for the time being. The kids come over and visit me. It's tough because where I live now, is no where like I used to live. I miss it all. I feel like I'm doing the time for her crime, pardon the saying. She tried to make me feel guilty that I have all this extra time now, and she doesn't. I told her I don't like having all the extra time, I'd rather be back at home. The kids, 8 year old son & 5 year old daughter do tell me all the time they want me to move back in, and I do to.
On a side note, it's funny how when you do things at the time they seem so insignificant but when you don't have that anymore how significant it is. I was thinking this time last year we went out with a bunch of couples to celebrate her birthday; now this year she is going out to celebrate and I will be sitting at home :-(
I have three around those ages. They all the time ask their dad to stay home (even though nothing of his is left in the house - we have not told him he moved out). I hope he feels GUILTY as h3ll when they ask him. They won't let ANYONE leave the house w/o a big good bye (kissing, hugging, when will you be back)ritual. He is blind to it (when he is here to see it).
I guess we need to remember to appreciate the little things in life more than we do... we are always so busy just surviving and dotting all the "i"s crossing "t"s we forget.
Yeah, it kills me because "my thing" that I would always do at night with the kids was read them a story every night. I love reading, and I try to instill that in my children. Now, because my wife is so busy now with eveyrthing I know they don't get read to everynight. My baby girl told me this one night, made me cry.
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Another back slide of my progress 
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