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Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

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Old 02-27-2012, 12:43 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife left me and I feel so alone, but...

Guys-

This is why it is so easy to have this misconstrued online. I promise you, I she is is being presented in a much more dire way that she should be taken. I promise you.

1) The money comment is something I simply don't want to get into. There is nothing I can do through an online message board to convince you that it is nothing harmful, illegal, immoral, or anything of that nature. I have just chosen not to discuss it.

2) That comment about forgiveness is directed at you, me, her, and everyone else on this earth. Just simply stating that we all screw up, and yes some more than others, but forgiveness is always there for those who seek it.

Bandit, I am not in denial about anything. I know they say about any problem that "denial is the first stage", but like I said, everything gets misconstrued online. I wish there was some way to really state that so you knew it were true, but it's simply impossible, and you'll just have to take my word for it. I'm not necessarily expecting anything from this board. It is just helpful to share my experience and type it out, and anyone who wants to respond can respond. Believe me, if we were to sit down for 5 minutes and talk face to face, you would understand this much better.

I've actually went back and re-read some of the posts, and it does make it seem in some cases that it is the worst-case scenario in the history of the world. It's not. This is just life and hardships that we all have to work through.
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Old 02-27-2012, 12:50 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife left me and I feel so alone, but...

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I don't want to be the one who initiates the divorce by any means - that is extremely important to me,

AND SHE IS TAKING FULL ADVANTAGE OF THIS

As I'm typing this, she just texted me. We have 2 dogs, and she is picking one of them up to take to her place. You could "consider" one of them her dog and one my dog (the male and the female,respectively). Today is the day to split the dogs up - what a joke. The two dogs that always sleep together and play with each other - they get split up because of my wife's stupid decisions. Just another piece of the puzzle.
Wow, I feel for you so much. Your dedication is a gift she does not know how to receive right now, and that is just so hard.

The LAST thing I want is a divorce. My husband hasn't had a PA yet, but he was well on his way when I found out what he had been up to. So I fought hard to NOT accept any behavior out of him that would lead him to that.

You are allowing her to have everything that leads to an affair(new single girlfriends, moving out, etc.), yet you say if she gets with another man, you will leave her.

I hate to see someone as good as you wait around for the hammer to fall. If this keeps up---it is only a matter of time, believe me.

I fought for the integrity of my marriage and have no regrets standing up to my husband and telling him, if he kept up his behavior, it would lead to true infidelity.

Good Luck and Peace to you.
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Old 02-27-2012, 12:52 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife left me and I feel so alone, but...

And splitting up the dogs?? That is really sad and unnecessary. How selfish and they are sure gonna be sad without each other.
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Old 02-27-2012, 12:54 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife left me and I feel so alone, but...

Look all I see is a man who is heartbroken and missing his wife. I think you need to step outside the spiritual aspect of this for a moment and allow yourself to be p*ssed off once in a while-- at your wife, at God, and at anyone who is facilitiating your wife's disobedience.

You know that it is okay to be angry with God don't you? It is not sacreligious. You are his child and children sometimes need to express to their parent when they are angry and do not understand why they are being put through such torture as what you are going through.

If you have the personal relationship with God that you claim, then it is time to turn off the cell phone, turn off the computer, stop taking your wife's messages, stop responding to her and go out into the wilderness and spend time with the Creator. Tell him how angry you are at him for leading such a woman into your life, how angry you are that he has allowed this torment to infect your well being, but then tell him you understand that it is his Will and that you will submit to it, whetever the outcome.

We're here for you brother. Again, if all you want to do is rant then do so. I for one will listen.
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Old 06-23-2012, 11:20 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife left me and I feel so alone, but...

Fromntos,
I feel like I can really relate to where you're coming from. My wife and I got married in 2009 (I was 22, she 21) and now, almost two and a half years later, she has decided that she wants to live 'freely' and is having an emotional affair with a coworker whom we had both been witnessing to for about 6 months.
She is just so completely deceived. We came to know each other as friends working at a Christian internship together. She knew God. In fact, she's the reason I really came to know God. But right now she's not living in His will and I know it. She distorts scripture to meet her feelings. She has idolized her happiness.
I just wanted to encourage you right now- it seems like perhaps you're in an even more stable position than me (as I do have a tendency to be naive), but like you had said, happiness is merely a feeling. "The joy of the Lord is my strength".
Our 'wives' happiness will run out eventually. If we continue to rely on the strength of the Lord, we will mount up on wings like eagles. Their emotion of happiness will run out. Whether in a few months or after they have divorced us, they will look back and regret their actions because they will be unhappy again. We can rely on the anchor of our souls; the firm foundations through the wind and waves.
It makes no logical sense that loving, sacrificing, dedicated, Christ-loving husbands like us would have our wives leave us for scumbags. But we must remember that we have an enemy of our SOULS, who wants nothing more than to destroy our confidence in the love of God. Satan will distort and twist any and every situation he can to alter our perception of God's unfailing perfect love. What better way than to poison the relationship that is supposed to exemplify Christ's love for the church? Peter says that we must be aware of Satan because he is like a prowling lion seeking whom he may devour.
I stand in the same place you do. I will not divorce my wife. She has emotionally cheated on me, but God sustains me, not her. I will not let her twisting of the scriptures affect me and stoop to that low. Don't let her rebellion affect your walk with Christ. He is Love. He will NEVER fail you. Don't let Satan accuse God to you. I'll be praying for you. I feel like I can because I truly understand where you're coming from.
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Old 07-10-2012, 05:10 PM   #36 (permalink)
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fromntos I know u posted a while back. I hope and Pray things are going well. I have found comfort in your situation and red it as if it were my own. I and 26 years old and coming up on my 2 year anniversary. I am In the same situation as you and it is scary how very similar our stories are. My wife has not asked me for a Divorce but is moving out this week she has been out with the crowed of single girls & even guys. and has before said she does not love me anymore. and wants to be single in the same way you described. the part about your dogs resonates with me also. I agree with everything you are saying and would only say to hold true to it. I say that because I have held the same position. It is really comforting that there is someone else who is going threw the same thing and holding the same convictions to God work as I have I am in no way perfect and have had my share of mistakes threw this in how i reacted to her lies and actions. I look at her and don't even see the person i married I love her so much and It kills me that she may have to hit rock bottom before she wakes up. she knows what is right but want the world right now and does not want the restraint of marriage or conviction of God to get in her way. I to fear the loneliness and have to cry out to god to fill the emptiness i feel with out her. and it is not easy to just let go and give it to God. I hear you about even hanging out with friends that are all married its not the same.
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Old 07-11-2012, 08:53 AM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife left me and I feel so alone, but...

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fromntos I know u posted a while back. I hope and Pray things are going well. I have found comfort in your situation and red it as if it were my own. I and 26 years old and coming up on my 2 year anniversary. I am In the same situation as you and it is scary how very similar our stories are. My wife has not asked me for a Divorce but is moving out this week she has been out with the crowed of single girls & even guys. and has before said she does not love me anymore. and wants to be single in the same way you described. the part about your dogs resonates with me also. I agree with everything you are saying and would only say to hold true to it. I say that because I have held the same position. It is really comforting that there is someone else who is going threw the same thing and holding the same convictions to God work as I have I am in no way perfect and have had my share of mistakes threw this in how i reacted to her lies and actions. I look at her and don't even see the person i married I love her so much and It kills me that she may have to hit rock bottom before she wakes up. she knows what is right but want the world right now and does not want the restraint of marriage or conviction of God to get in her way. I to fear the loneliness and have to cry out to god to fill the emptiness i feel with out her. and it is not easy to just let go and give it to God. I hear you about even hanging out with friends that are all married its not the same.
So unconditional_Love, has God commanded you to remain married to this woman?

Are you a reincarnation of the Prophet Hosea who married a prostitute at God's direction just so she could cheat on him over and over to paint a picture of God's unending love for Israel?

I would assume you would answer "no", so then I must ask why you have not filed for divorce? You have kept up your Christian obligation as a husband. Where in the Bible does it say you must remain tied to this adulteress?
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Old 12-15-2012, 09:13 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife left me and I feel so alone, but...

If his wife cheats, he cannot remarry?

Matthew 23 says differently. You entered into a blood covenant that can only be broken by blood. If she cheats or dies, you are free to remarry.

I find it ironic that Christians tell other Christians that they cannot remarry when adultery has been committed. It is instilled upon all of us to yearn for love. If he remarries, he enters a state of perpetual sin? Hmmm. Doesn't seem right. If you know Jesus, you will have peace not hopelessness. If she cheats, you are free to move on.
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