My husband moved out almost 7 weeks ago. He said that we have too many problems, and doesn't want to work on the marriage. It's hard because I still love him so much. He did a lot of things in our marriage to lose my trust in him, and I know him leaving...even though it crushed me, was the best thing for both of us.
The problem is that he still tells me he loves me, and still wants to come by my condo to "check up" on me. He even sent me flowers for Valentine's Day. My emotions are like a roller coaster...one day I feel strong, and the next I feel so weak.
I know that in order for me to move forward, I need to stop contact with him. No more texts, visits, phone calls...etc. We do need to see each other on a couple of occasions for tax purposes, but once that is over, there is not much need to see each other.
We don't have children, so I guess that makes things a lot easier. The only thing we have in common is a home that we purchased together. It is like a weekend house, so it is not our primary residence. I am willing to walk away from the house, but I just want the deposit back that I put down on it.
I feel like my hopes and dreams are shattered, and that my chance of having children is quickly fading (I am 38). I want to move forward with my life, but I know I can't until I heal from this.
Re: I know what I need to do, but I just can't do it!
Yes, I am in IC. I actually have 2 therapists (sounds pathetic!). One that was actually our marriage counselor, and the other therapist that I was seeing through my medical provider since we first got married.
The marriage counselor has been very helpful since she has seen and heard both my husband and my viewpoints. My husband actually initiated the marriage counseling, because he wanted to save our marriage....this was almost 2 years ago. What he really meant was he wanted counseling to change me, he had no intention of trying.
My husband has many characteristics of a self-centered person. He blamed me for the problems in our marriage, never took responsibility for anything, and looks to others to boost his ego and feel better about himself.
I see this so clearly now, but why is it so hard to let him go? I feel like one of those women you see on talk shows :-(
My husband has many characteristics of a self-centered person. He blamed me for the problems in our marriage, never took responsibility for anything, and looks to others to boost his ego and feel better about himself. I see this so clearly now, but why is it so hard to let him go?
Sounds like my wife. Selfish, self-centered, doesn't love herself so she constantly seeks external validation to fill her up. I miss her, or at the very least the better parts of our relationship. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: I know what I need to do, but I just can't do it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by canguy66
Sounds like my wife. Selfish, self-centered, doesn't love herself so she constantly seeks external validation to fill her up. I miss her, or at the very least the better parts of our relationship. Posted via Mobile Device
She left the marriage over two months ago. Said she needed space and time to figure things out, was not happy, claims there was/is no one else. I was devastated. Over time I've been to IC, spent time with friends, kept busy, followed 180 rules (somewhat), visited and shared in TAM, exercised... been quite a roller coaster ride but am doing my best to cope. I miss her, but cannot trust her emotionally so am moving forward. Ups and downs are not as extreme.
I wish you the best through your experience. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: I know what I need to do, but I just can't do it!
Don't beat yourself up hilly, though I know that is so hard to not do. My husband did a lot to destroy our marriage, and me, but I have loved him more passionately than any other man I have ever known, and I have loved him for 10 years, despite the fact we have actually only officially been serious for a little over two now. Sound creepy? I suppose considering everything he did to me, it is, but I'm just saying this to tell you it's okay to love him, even if he's a jerk. But it's not okay to let him keep hurting you. Cutting off contact is VERY difficult, but if you know that's what you need to do, I know you will have the strength to do it. You're not alone.
Re: I know what I need to do, but I just can't do it!
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Originally Posted by This is me
Why did he send you VD flowers if he is not interested in the marriage?
I think he sent the flowers because it made him feel good to do it. The card said "For all our good memories and good times" Love, (his name). He never talks about repairing the marriage, and I don't ask.
Re: I know what I need to do, but I just can't do it!
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Originally Posted by madaboutlove
You are so strong, I want to ask all the time. But I have learned it does no good.
I caught myself on more than one occasion crying and telling him how I feel, how hard this is for me...etc. Then I noticed that I was the only one talking. He had nothing to say. So, sad. All he could say was "I'm sorry that you're hurting." I stopped talking after that.
Re: I know what I need to do, but I just can't do it!
My wife and I are discussing our issues.
I find it very telling that she is anxious and open to counseling when she wants something from me.
Yet, when I mention that she isn't nice to me... or perhaps that she has never asked anyone (counselors or friends) what SHE actually could do to improve our relationship, she loses interest in going to counseling.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hilly2
Yes, I am in IC. I actually have 2 therapists (sounds pathetic!). One that was actually our marriage counselor, and the other therapist that I was seeing through my medical provider since we first got married.
The marriage counselor has been very helpful since she has seen and heard both my husband and my viewpoints. My husband actually initiated the marriage counseling, because he wanted to save our marriage....this was almost 2 years ago. What he really meant was he wanted counseling to change me, he had no intention of trying.
My husband has many characteristics of a self-centered person. He blamed me for the problems in our marriage, never took responsibility for anything, and looks to others to boost his ego and feel better about himself.
I see this so clearly now, but why is it so hard to let him go? I feel like one of those women you see on talk shows :-(
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I know what I need to do, but I just can't do it! 
