Traggy, thanks for today's update. No, you are not "weak." On the contrary, you are still on track and have your eyes wide open. It is impossible, given what you now know about her, to turn back and see her the way you used to. Instead, you will now see her as the unstable, immature woman she is.
As I said, your healing will not proceed in a straight line. You will have short periods, like the last two days, where you will feel like you are back at step one. Don't believe that feeling! You are miles down the road, well on your way to full recovery. Those bad days will get farther and farther apart.
Your wife is sick. She has an incurable personality disorder. She is wired wrong, defective and unsavable.
"She aint ever gonna be right," as my grandpa would say about my mom who abandoned us.
I know you love your wife Traggy, but part of being a man is making tough decisions, and right now the ONLY persons you should be focused on is your daughter and you.
File for divorce now, and file for sole custody of your daughter. Quit treating this like a game of chicken. Who cares if your wife blames you for the breakup of the marriage? Everyone who knows her knows she is a nutjob. Everyone who knows you knows you are a good man.
This sick, destructive woman is not fit to be a mother, much less a wife.
Sorry you're going through this. I'm miles behind you in this process but I know that you are much closer than you think to being ok. I'm still letting my stbxh be a cakeeater but everytime I allow it, the next day I feel a step closer to being detached instead of a step backwards. I think this is because while I'm allowing his cake-eating I also realize everytime how little he cares or respects me. He kisses me and goes home to call ow.(lawyer advised him not to see her during divorce) I still love him but everyday he becomes a bigger jerk than the day before. One day I'll be able to 180 his a$$.
I know there is a silver lining for all of us.Be strong there is a wonderful loving woman in yours and your daughters horizon.
The D is on overdrive. There is no more looking over my shoulder. I am buying her out of the house, getting her name off of it. She went looking for places to live today. We split up everything. Came up with a schedule. Finances are in order. Turning the paper work in soon, almost finished.
I was a man today. No tears, no sadness. Moving this leech out. Getting this crap out of my face.
I want full custody more than anything. I can not get it though. I can not ask her family to go to the stand. So far, even though she has treated me like hell, she has been a good mother. Until I can prove the unfitness of her, I do not have a leg to stand on. I hate this state. I tell her everyday though, that my daughter will be able to talk one day. I tell her if she ever neglects or hurts her when I am not around it is on. Every dollar in the bank.
I know how unstable she is, one of my goals was with the possibility with the R, that she would get into therapy. It was on my list. It was not really a set up, but more or less a back up plan. If they would have diagnosed her, and put her on treatment and the bottom fell out, I would have my proof for full custody. I know that sounds terrible.
She will not see me cry again.
You know what though, something that really bothered me. When she came home from his house balling wanting to try to make things work. I hugged her. I felt like I was hugging my daughter, not a spouse. I imagined that moment, but when it was there happening, I really didn't feel love there. Just more or less going back to what was comfortable. I have to stop being in love with being married and having a family, because that is really what I am sad about.
I honestly know, without a doubt, that there is no chance for R. I think I needed this to screw my head on straight.
For her to be able to say that she has no remorse for what she has done, but rather blame, shows her true colors. For her to be able to say that I am not a man, a rock, because I am upset about her screwing someone else, literally puts the crazy train on a entire new level.
Not sure I told you all this, but what set her off the yesterday. I asked if she had sex with him. She said no. I said, ok, I have his phone number. I am going to call him and ask him myself. I started to call him and she texted him really quickly telling him not to answer. Told me I was being immature.
Getting the bank accounts split and buying her out of the house.
Going to see the Mortgage company this week.
She has found a few places to live that she is going to go look at this week. Things are moving fast, but why the hell slow it down. Give her what she wants.
Easter was hard, splitting up my Daughter. I made it through though and I am still here. Just really unfortunate.
One of these days I know I will be happy again. There are moments where I feel everything is going to be ok. I just have to keep the thoughts of her screwing someone else out of my mind. She is not mine anymore. She chose another path. Just hurts sometimes to think about.
Anyway, will let you know how the week goes. Tasks are there to be completed.
Boxes are in the garage, if all goes well she will be moving out with her cheating ways within a week.
I am excited to finally get closure. To finally be able to say goodbye. To not have her affair in my face. To be able to wake up in my house with my daughter without her bringing me down.
I really feel good. I feel like I am finally on the right path. I know this is going to hurt, but you know what? It is the type of hurt I need to feel because it is a moving on hurt, not a damn limbo hurt.
I can not believe where my life has taken me! It is hard to imagine that this is happening. I feel like I am literally being the strongest I have ever been in my life. I am getting this sick sick woman away from me.
I FINALLY GET TO MOVE ON! The next few days are going to be hectic! But it is such a beautiful thing.
Traggy, you and your family are in my prayers. Not that you need prayers. You are on the right track and are doing so well. God helps those that help themselves.
The last piece is taking the divorce classes before we can file.
Wow, hard to believe this is all happening. Happening so fast. Have not had time to process it all, but I know there are twinges of pain hiding inside of me waiting for the time to let them out.
I am going to miss my friend, my wife, my lover. Going to miss just having her there.
Finally I get to shut another chapter in my life though. I will be fine, I know it, but I will definitely have a sad spell to look forward to.
Life is strange, life is hard sometimes, but I know happiness is right around the corner for me. This all just has to get done first.
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